Love Stinks Page #7

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God, that feels good!

- Oh, God!

- Me too!

- That was different.

- That was great.

Do you think it's better

if you hate the other person?

Definitely.

You thought

the lawsuit was over...

until you got that call

from your lawyer.

Sorry about that.

Gotta get those brakes fixed.

- What are you doing here?

- Making sure there's no trouble.

How are you?

What's with this

200 grand bullshit?

Walter said it wouldn't kill you

to be a little more generous.

Walter is on a percentage.

So the more that Walter

squeezes out of me...

the more that goes

into Walter's pocket.

We shook hands.

- We had sex.

- Hate sex.

- Here's more good news.

- What?

A restraining order.

It states you shall vacate

the premises immediately...

and shall not travel within

200 feet of Miss Turner's residence.

All contact to be made

through your attorneys.

How'd you swing this?

Walter told the judge

how you followed me...

to the spa

and were stalking me.

- It wasn't my idea.

- You didn't try and stop him.

So I can't live in my house?

You've got 15 minutes

to collect your things.

Bite me.

In fact,

both of you can bite me.

You should have married me.

So what, she has your house?

You still get the tax write-off.

The blessing-in-disguise bullshit

doesn't work.

That just makes me more bitter.

But thank you.

Hi, guys.

Hey, sweetheart.

- It looks like Seth's moved in.

- He just needs a place to crash.

I don't think that's a good idea.

- Why not?

- Suppose Chelsea came to visit me?

Wouldn't that be awkward?

Let's not worry

about hypothetical situations.

Now can we worry?

You really shouldn't be this close.

It I wasn't such a nice person,

I could have you arrested.

You call the police

because I'm staying here...

and, technically,

you're in my home.

That decision

has not been finalized.

Larry said it was okay.

- But Larry forgot to check with me.

- Bad Larry.

Can't you two try

and work this thing out?

I offered her 100 grand.

She says she wants 200.

Are you crazy?

You do not owe her a penny!

Sweetie, I think that's

for a jury to decide.

You think she should get paid

for being his girlfriend?

Chelsea invested her time

and her love and her body!

But they weren't married.

If you walk down the aisle,

that's one thing.

There's a chance

you may get the shaft.

Wait. You're saying

alimony is untair?

My point is

she's acting like a hooker...

that's trying to get a court

to make her trick pay up.

- Don't call my best friend a hooker.

- You're right.

A hooker lets you know

the price up front.

The bottom line is...

I do not want this bald-headed,

wig-wearing man staying here.

Too late.

I already told him...

he could stay in my house!

- Your house?

- Yeah.

Have you ever heard

of community property, Lawrence?

We need a room.

Would you like two queens

or one king size bed?

Two queens.

The beds, not us.

I bought some roses and went

crawling back to my wife...

but you hit the mini bar

and got wasted.

- You don't want me to move in?

- Of course, I want you to move in.

Then what is this

pre-prenuptial agreement all about?

It just says if we ever break up,

you can't sue me.

Why would I sue you?

And why would we break up?

We wouldn't, honey.

You can sign this knowing...

that it's completely unnecessary.

- Then why bother?

- Who knows?

Maybe someday, you'll

get mad at me for something.

How about for making me

sign this agreement?

And then it hit you.

There was only one way

out of this mess.

Gracie, it's me.

I'm sorry, baby,

but you left me no choice.

Yes, Elvis.

Daddy's back.

You're probably

a little upset with me.

Upset? No, I'm thrilled.

Because kidnapping is a felony,

which means you're going to jail.

Then you'll know what it's like

to be the angry girlfriend.

Look...

I'm sorry

about the chloroform...

but I had to get you here.

It's the perfect place

to do this.

You will never get away with this.

They will know that you killed me.

Do you think

I would actually kill you?

Sure, I've thought about it.

Every day.

But the sad fact is...

I'm crazy about you.

Look.

I think there's a reason...

that you couldn't just

take the money and move on.

We belong together.

Hell, we deserve each other.

- What are you doing?

- Eddie.

Our long, dark night is over.

My darling...

- Yeah.

- Don't even think of doing this.

It is way too late to try...

Oh, God!

Four carats.

Colorless. Grade E.

Clarity:
VVS-1.

Emerald cut.

It's pertect.

Will you marry me?

If this is a joke,

I will kill you.

No joke and no prenup either.

This time,

what's mine is yours.

And we're selling the house

full of bad memories.

Good God, it's like

the Manson Ranch over there.

We'll just buy another one.

Fresh start.

So we've had a few bad months.

We're gonna be happy

the rest of our lives.

We'll just fly to Vegas

and do it.

Vegas?

When I get married, I want white

doves and the horse-drawn carriage.

I want all of my friends

and family there.

I want everything to be pertect.

Our ffriends and our families

already think that we're insane.

Do you think that anybody

would even come?

Hell, no.

Let's just get married.

And then when they see

we are making it work...

then we'll renew our vows...

and have the big wedding.

Will you marry me?

Come on, baby.

Don't think about it.

Just say yes.

I'll help you.

- Yes.

- Yes?

Come here, woman!

Holly and I were the first

to hear the wonderful news.

You're a moron.

That's not very professional,

is it?

I'll need papers

dismissing the palimony suit.

We'll sign them

right before we get married.

I better start on the prenup.

No need. We're in love.

We're never breaking up again.

You put your house up for sale.

We want a ten-day escrow.

We can't wait to move in.

- Ten days?

- It's okay, sweetie.

We just rent while we look

for our dream house.

- Ten days. You got a deal.

- Excellent.

You had Chelsea's ring appraised

and insured for $75,000.

Damn!

Chelsea picked out her wedding gown.

She was in heaven, and so were you.

You turned Ronnie and Juliet back

into the show that everyone loved.

Come on, Jules.

Let's go eat Mexican.

Cutie, I feel like Chinese.

- You know the cure for that?

- What?

Chicken burritos.

All of a sudden

I'm craving egg foo young.

- I love you.

- I love you more.

No, I do.

And cut!

I'm going home.

Cover for me.

Great show. The love is back.

The ratings are back.

And my babes are back.

I've got an idea.

I think Ronnie and Juliet

should get married for May sweeps.

I'm getting married myself.

Not to the psycho lawsuit girl.

Her name is Chelsea,

and she's right here.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

I've heard so much about you.

- Thank you.

- So here we are.

Seth, for the last time,

I'm begging you:

- Call it off!

- You know what?

It I'd just married her

to begin with...

none of this sh*t

would have happened.

So just wish me luck.

You need more than luck.

You need Jesus, Moses.

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