Love Stinks Page #6

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I don't think she ate her Wheaties.

Don't hurt my cat!

Say good night, Gracie.

My God, she can't swim!

There's only one way to learn.

You do not want to do this.

Here. Come on.

Just step back from the rail.

Let's talk about it.

Talking time is over.

Swimming time is here.

But don't worry, Gracie.

There's lots

of yummy fish down there.

She won't answer to that.

You have to say Gracie!

My baby girl!

It's okay!

I am gonna kill you!

Didn't Gracie tell you?

She loves to bungee jump.

I can't believe

you did that to my baby!

- Mommy's coming.

- By the way...

the EPA estimates

that about 10,000 people...

take a dump in that water

every day.

That's just a fun little tact.

My baby.

What did that bad man do to you?

Happy Valentine's Day.

Ronnie, is this

what I think it is?

It's amethyst.

Yeah, your birthstone.

- Hello.

- Sorry.

I was hoping for a diamond.

You thought I was gonna propose?

Why would we want to get married?

Our relationship is going so well.

But where the hell is it going?

Apparently back to the jewelry store

to return the amethyst.

What the f*** is happening

to my character?

Every week she's getting bitchier

and more desperate.

Who thinks this is funny?

I find that all the best humor

comes from life.

Not your life.

Yeah, you better fix this sh*t.

'Cause your f***ed-up life

is f***ing up my show.

Ratings are going down...

my personal TVQ is going down...

and worst of all, Seth...

the quality of my babes

is going down.

You're not mad at me, though, right?

- Come on. Let's go smoke.

- Yeah. Here.

My God. My hair's falling out.

You know, stress

will do that to you.

Holy sh*t.

It's really falling out.

That's so weird.

Oh, my God. Jesus.

What did you do to me?

I didn't do anything.

You must have used my hair remover

instead of your conditioner.

You put some in there

to f*** with me!

I didn't do it. I swear.

Man, you are the f***ing devil!

Good morning.

You've got 15 seconds. Go.

- You need extra-strength Rogaine.

- You look like a big-ass roll-on.

Mr. Clean called.

He wants his look back.

You look like a prick with two ears.

With two together, we'd have an ass.

Take some skin and comb it over.

It will look fuller.

Time.

Gracie, look at all

your new roommates.

But you're still my favorite.

My, what a testive

little dinner party.

- Nice rug.

- Thank you.

Going for a Chuck Woolery thing.

By the way, a couple

of Gracie's new friends...

accidentally knocked

your Elvis plates off the shelf.

Accidentally?

I think they were bungee jumping.

You know how they love that.

So you moved into the nursery.

You figured

it was only temporary...

because next week

was the settlement conference...

for Chelsea's palimony suit.

And after that, she'd be gone.

I want to know just what it's going

to take to settle this case?

Your Honor, all my client wants

is justice.

How much is justice

going for today?

It's very difficult to put a price

on a heart shattered by betrayal.

I'm sure you can find a way.

How much?

It really isn't all that simple.

Your Honor, Seth begged me

to quit my job and move in with him.

I turned his empty, cold house...

into a warm, cozy love nest.

I took care

of his every need and desire...

because he promised

to marry me!

Bullshit.

Perhaps Mr. Winnick

should suck a cough drop.

I'm good.

We're not here to try this case,

we're here to settle it.

Your Honor, my client is willing

to forego her pursuit of justice...

for the more than

reasonable sum of...

Halt a million dollars?

You two should be wearing

ski masks and carrying guns.

This is f***ing robbery.

Mr. Winnick, watch your mouth.

Sorry. We believe he's suffering

from Tourette's syndrome.

- F***er!

- You see?

A trial is a year away at least.

During that time, you'll spend

a half a million dollars...

in legal fees alone.

Walter, you're a lawyer.

So I'm sure you're familiar

with the legal term "suck my dick."

I think not!

- There goes that Tourette's again.

- This is unbelievable.

- I won't put up with this!

- He does not have Tourette's.

- This is a ransom note.

- You're such a liar. You lie.

People, shut the hell up!

For the love of God.

This mandatory

settlement conference is over.

I'm ordering

that neither party...

annoy or molest the other

in any way...

until this matter is resolved!

Yes, Your Honor.

Schmucks.

I'm checking into the spa

this weekend...

so I'll be out of your hair...

or your rug.

- Don't forget to feed the cats.

- I'll feed them.

Feed them to the coyotes.

Chelsea Turner

checking in, please.

- Welcome to the spa.

- Thank you.

Your reservation

was canceled.

And the hotel is sold out.

Canceled?

I didn't cancel anything.

- Excuse me, ma'am.

- Hi.

- Which way to the massage center?

- It's right over there, sir.

Terrific.

Have a lovely day.

- And you too.

- Nice people.

Lovely rooms.

Life is good.

Relax. Feel the clay mask

and seaweed wrap...

melt away your stress.

Now keep your eyes closed.

That feels nice.

- Time for your next treatment.

- Great. What's next?

The super cleansing

colonic volcano.

Colonic? Isn't that where

you go through the...

You know what?

I think I'm going to pass...

on the super cleansing

colonic volcano.

- But thank you.

- Your wife said you might be nervous.

Yeah, well, that's not my wife.

That's Lucifer, angel of darkness.

He can change forms.

Please unwrap me. I can't move.

Just relax.

Drop the probe

and step away from my ass!

Take a deep breath

and just go with the flow.

But... No flow.

Don't want the flow.

Don't need the...

I feel you clenching.

Now, no clenching.

Have you done this before?

Very professional.

Fill your lungs with air.

You have lovely lungs.

Hello.

Hi. You look super clean.

Yeah, I can't walk so good,

but I feel 20 pounds lighter.

- Can we talk?

- Bad timing, pal.

- We're mid-pump.

- Yeah, thank you.

Could we call a truce?

I can't take this anymore.

I'm sure that we can settle this.

Just you and me, no lawyers.

Speaking of lawyers,

you're annoying and molesting me.

What?

Back off, toothpick.

How about this?

- Are you listening?

- Not really.

I give you $50,000.

You move out. Everyone's happy.

I'm not happy yet,

but keep trying.

How about this?

An even 100 grand.

An extremely fair offer.

Come on.

You know we still care

about each other.

Let's just stop fighting.

Wouldn't that be nice?

Yes.

Wait a second.

Yes, that would be nice

or, yes, we have a deal?

Yes, we have a deal.

Hi, toothpick.

What? Don't scream at me.

Talk to the Sasquatch.

- You could have let go of me!

- You could have not been flirting.

- Shut up.

- You shut up.

- What are you doing?

- What are you doing?

- I hate you.

- I hate you more.

- I wish I never met you.

- God, you make me sick!

- You turn my stomach!

- Don't stop.

- Don't tell me what to do!

- Then shut up and do it faster!

You shut up and do it faster.

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