Love the Coopers Page #7

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I was in my 20s.

It has no meaning

for me anymore.

Then do it for me.

Where did you go?

You got so small.

I'm in love with a girl

that doesn't even exist anymore.

I exist.

If you want to go on

a trip with a memory,

then be my guest. Go ahead.

Well, I'm going.

That's fine, go.

CHARLOTTE:
You just go.

One day, for God's sakes,

that's all I asked for,

was one day,

all you had to do was hang

in for another 12 hours

and then we'd be done, but, no,

you have to ruin this day for me too.

Well, you know what,

you can just leave now!

Just leave...

Hi.

Merry Christmas.

Happy...

Merry Christmas.

Mom, Dad, this is Joe.

Hi.

Well...

We're engaged.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, God.

[INAUDIBLE]

[GOOD KING WENCESLAS PLAYING]

What's wrong with you?

What are you talking about, engaged?

A boyfriend is one thing,

but engaged is a completely different story.

I made a mistake.

You think?

When I agreed to come here

with you,

this whole thing is

way too insane.

Well, now it is.

I mean, engaged?

You probably don't believe

in global warming,

okay? I could never marry you.

I'm sorry, but, please.

Why? 'Cause I'm not

already married?

Oh, that's nice.

That's nice.

You know what?

I've wasted enough time.

Merry Christmas.

No, Joe, wait.

I'm sorry, Joe, one sec...

[SIGHS]

Okay?

Yeah.

CHARLOTTE:

Hi, honey. Congratulations.

Where's Joe?

Oh.

Honey?

[GLASS CLINKING]

ELEANOR:
Mom, please, just don't

make that face.

I swear to God, if I look up

and you're making that face

I'm gonna lose it.

But I'm not making a face.

Actually, Charlotte,

you are.

Sam this is

my everyday face.

You're going like this.

No, I'm...

I am not.

Okay, I'll be a Sphinx, right?

See? Hi, honey.

Oh, God, there it is!

What?

Now, Buttons, calm down.

Calm down?

Really, Dad, calm down?

Nothing makes people less calm

than being told to calm down.

And now

you're making that face.

Dad, you're just

as bad as Mom.

[SIGHS]

Honey. Honey-bunny.

Oh, God, please,

stop mothering me.

But I am your mother

and I feel for you.

No, you feel sorry for me.

And you make me feel that I'm a person

that people should feel sorry for.

That-

But you know, hey,

it wouldn't be Christmas

without Eleanor

coming home

to disappoint everyone.

ALL:

You're not a disappointment.

Right, okay.

Well, let me just give you

your Christmas present early.

Mom, Dad,

Joe is actually...

...a smoker.

He is a chain-smoker.

That's right.

Just can't seem to quit.

It's tough.

SAM:
Oh, well...

You know what,

this calls for a toast.

Yeah.

Bubbly, bubbly.

I'm an alcoholic.

Wow.

[THUMP]

I'm just kidding.

Yeah.

[SAM LAUGHING]

Quite a kidder.

Yeah, just can't help it.

Aw, try.

Hey.

We're here.

Oh, Mom?

Yeah, what?

Just don't mention anything

about the engagement, okay?

'Cause we haven't told

Joe's parents yet.

That's fine, that's good.

Okay.

Charlie, what happened

to your face?

Oh, he...

Oh, my God.

Everyone, um, this is Joe.

And, yes... And Joe

and your Aunt Eleanor

are engaged.

Charlotte!

What? Oh, my God.

Mom.

It just slipped out, I don't know.

I'm sorry, I don't know what...

AUNT FISHY:
Right hand, orange,

and left hand, blue.

Okay, yes.

I got a right on orange.

I thought we just said it

ten seconds ago.

[FAMILY PLAYING TWISTER]

[SNORTS]

[GUITAR STRUMMING]

[ANGELS WE HAVE HEARD ON HIGH PLAYING]

Angels we have

heard on high

Sweetly swinging

o'er the plains

And the mountains in reply

Echoing their

joyous strains

Gloria

In Excelsis Deo

Children, go

where I send thee

How shall I send thee?

I'm gonna send thee

three by three

Three for the

Hebrew children

Two for Paul and Silas

One for the itty-bitty baby

Born, born,

born in Bethlehem

Hey!

Hava nagila, hava nagila

Hava nagila ve-nis'mecha

[BARKING]

Have yourself a merry

little Christmas

Let your heart

be light

Hang a shining star

Upon the highest bow

And have yourself

A merry little Christmas

Now

CHARLOTTE:
Wow.

Anyway, Merry Christmas, huh?

Kiss her, Grandpa.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh. [LAUGHING]

Oh, Bo. Oh, dear.

You're suppose to kiss me.

Oh, okay.

What are we doing here?

Is this where

you left your car?

Yes?

Merry Christmas.

Thanks for the ride.

If I ask you a question,

would you answer

me honestly?

Try me.

Are you really a psychiatrist?

Of course, I am, sort of.

I'm a life coach.

But you said

you were a doctor.

Well...

You heard of Dr. Seuss?

I'm Dr. Newport.

Wow.

Officer Williams?

Can I give you a hug?

No.

All right, then.

A word of advice?

Certainly. If I were you...

For you, not from you.

Of course.

You should buy your sister the most

expensive gift you can find.

Try and be be the person

you want to become.

NARRATOR:
Emma was filled

with a tiny distant memory

she wasn't

sure even happened,

when her world was still

open to the possibility of magic.

[SNAPS FINGERS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Yeah.

Carrots.

SAM:
Everybody make sure

you try those potatoes.

Single perfect form, you be...

[GLASS CLINKING]

ELEANOR:
Oh, Dad?

I've been thinking about

our family a lot today.

And I have something

that I'd like to say.

I want to tell you...

No! Please, no.

...how happy I am

that we're all here together.

Well, hear, hear.

We don't spend much time

under the same roof,

but no matter what happens...

we are family.

Oh, God, look at

Bo's shiny, little face.

Well, I think

that what Grandpa is...

trying to say is...

that celebrations like this

they just kind of...

remind us of...

how...

Irreplaceable.

Irreplaceable...

So, just...

But you know what, that is

enough said on that front, right?

Let's just toast to

celebrations, everyone.

ALL:
Cheers!

Okay.

Cheers.

I'm hungry.

I know. I hate to say it,

but Emma's not here yet.

CHARLOTTE:

I think we should wait.

I think it's important

for us to wait

for just a few minutes.

Maybe the storm has knocked

out some traffic signals.

Yeah, but she's always late.

Let's just dig in!

Yes.

Go ahead. It's Christmas, right?

Yes.

Aren't we going to say grace?

Well, just let me finish,

for one second, Joe.

Dad, would you like

to say grace?

Not really.

Well, maybe you'd like

to listen to Bo

say grace. Bo, would

you like to give thanks?

No, thanks.

Okay.

You know what, I'll do it.

Oh. All right.

Oh.

Dear Lord,

or whoever is listening,

thank you for this beautiful meal

when there are so many who have so little.

And although I'm not with

my own family tonight,

I'm grateful to be sharing

Christmas with such a thoughtful,

loving family...

Oh, my God.

Jesus Christ!

Holy...

It's Rags.

[INDISTINCT TALK]

Mother of God, what are you

feeding that animal?

Oh, Rags.

Yikes.

[ALL CONTINUE EXCLAIMING]

HANK:
It's okay. At least,

dinner smells good.

Right?

Fabulous.

Let's dig in.

[CUTLERY CLANGING]

What's the matter?

CHARLOTTE:
The pepper?

Is that what it is?

It needs more potato.

I can't believe

you're getting married, El.

BO:
Congratulations.

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