Loving Miss Hatto Page #6

'you have to stand up!

I mean it's umpetty pounds

'and you can't even lie down.'

Larry... 'How are you?'

I'm good. I'm doing a big piece

on this woman, Joyce Hatto.

'Yeah, I'm just reading about her,

I might do a piece myself.'

Yes, well you know,

the Gramophone found her first.

'Is she for real?

It's a heck of an output.'

No, I know, she does everything -

Bach, Messaien, Gershwin...

it's remarkable.

It's like listening to about

eight different pianists.

"Her illness has brought a depth

and gravitas to her playing"

Someone here thinks

she's more than one person.

Is she? More than one person?

'People are so bloody cynical.'

She's old, she's ill and she's good.

End of story.

I've got to go, Larry,

I'll ring you back.

Joyce Hatto?

Yes, I need to talk to her again.

I've had a call from someone

who knew her husband years ago.

Really?

He just said the husband doesn't

have the most blameless career path.

Well, he's a harmless old beggar

now, I mean, I've met him.

Well, this person, someone we both

know, said he heard Joyce Hatto

play in the '60s sometime.

I think at the Festival Hall.

And she did fistfuls of wrong notes

and then practically conked out

at the keyboard.

Well, I don't see what that's got

to do with her recording career.

No, but do check

all the facts won't you?

Of course. Now I know you will.

I mean, 40 years down the line,

she's obviously improved!

Yes.

Hope for us all!

Ah-ha! Hot-air balloon!

You don't want to drop the piece

in the Gramophone, do you?

It seems to have turned

into quite a big thing. No.

I think Mr Hill's going to make

a jolly good fist of it.

Bah, I thought that was bulrushes,

and it ain't.

It could be reflected bulrushes?

Oh, he's not as dumb as he looks!

Why are you saying drop it?

There was an answer phone

message from Philip, fact checking.

Said he couldn't find anything on

Rene Kohler, your esteemed

conductor.

Not surprising,

seeing as he doesn't exist!

I don't want to call him about it as

he will have more awkward questions.

Oh! Got the top of the lupin.

I could pop a little biog

on the internet, I suppose?

Poor Rene, obviously a foreigner.

So, just fit in there, thank you.

I think he may have trained

in Dresden.

Somewhere sadly flattened by bombs.

Philip, it's Larry.

Can you call me back?

Some more Joyce Hatto weirdness.

And how is Joyce?

Well, yeah, cancer isn't

a barrel of laughs, as you know.

We're keeping our peckers up

pretty well.

Having something to look forward to,

like your piece in the Gramophone.

That's as good as buns to

Joyce, that is.

Right. Now, we have a slight

problem. I believe the Gramophone

still hasn't received the

information they asked for.

That's very odd.

That was all sent in the post many

moons ago. I'll track it down.

But it will involve talking

to someone in Bangalore

with a slim grasp of the language.

There's something else, Barrie. A

friend of mine in New York, you see,

he ordered Joyce's

Transcendental Etudes.

Now he put it into iTunes,

the database recognised

it as the Etudes,

but, well, it came up with a

different name.

Well, that doesn't surprise me.

We've had Joyce Natto, Hitto...

No, no, no, it came up with the name

of another pianist, Laszlo Simon.

Well, there's no logic with

these computers.

Look, Barrie, people are asking

questions about Joyce's output,

questioning the names

of the orchestras.

Now, you've seen all the online

traffic, I know... Philip,

I beg you, do not

say anything of this to Joyce.

And I can't discuss it now.

But I need every little

bit of spirit I can muster

to go in there and be the person

I need to be for my darling wife.

I won't have her for long, Philip.

So I want us to go in there, both

of us with big smiles on our faces,

because Joyce is very sensitive.

Your championing of her

and the prospect of the piece

in the Gramophone are literally

what's keeping her going right now.

Can we carry on this

conversation later?

Oh, yes. We must, we must.

This Laszlo Simon snafu,

I'm as baffled as you are

and I certainly don't want him

getting all of Joyce's royalties!

Barrie was very good-looking.

Yes, and not quite as confident

as he looks there.

Really?

He had a certain air which was

misleading, as it turned out.

We were both vulnerable, I suppose.

Vulnerable people can protect

each other.

Oh, they can.

Or they can double their weaknesses.

But that's the gamble

in a marriage, isn't it?

Now, do have some of Barrie's

Swiss roll, baked in your honour,

and you can use any of the photos

you like for your piece.

Oh, thank you.

Could I just ask you

about your recording

of the Transcendental Etudes?

Of course.

Where did you record them?

Well...

we did them

in a tiny studio in Cambridge

and I was very tired

when I went in to play them.

But if you've done the work,

then somehow... the music can

take over and it did take over.

I almost didn't need to do anything.

And when I finished

playing the last piece...

there was just...

silence.

And all the technical people

on the other side of the glass...

just...

still.

Hmm.

Now, I have a little

parting gift for you.

I don't imagine we'll be

meeting again,

if I can contradict

dear old Vera Lynn.

Ah! Never gave you

my famous marmalade!

Ah, that's fine.

I... I had my present from Joyce.

What was that?

She gave me a test copy

of the Godowsky.

Did she?

I hadn't realised she'd been well

enough to record them.

Look, it's not one of her best.

She hasn't heard it, of course,

but it's not one of the finest.

I won't release it.

As a courtesy to me, Philip,

don't play it.

Look, Barrie, the editor

of the Gramophone wants to get

the Hatto Etudes compared

with the Laszlo Simon.

A proper digital comparison

by an independent source.

Now, can you tell me

if you think that will show up

any problem as far as Joyce's

recording is concerned?

No, I'm sure it won't.

So I can tell him to go ahead.

You fully accept the consequences?

Absolutely.

I'm pretty tired

of all this carping.

I see all this bumf the classical

music buffs put on the internet.

Well, if they think an F sharp that

Joyce played last Wednesday

sounds like a B flat Martha Argerich

played 20 years ago,

then quite frankly,

to use an expression Joyce hates,

which I rather like,

"They need to get a life!"

Now, this isn't just chocolate.

This is Belgian chocolate.

Mmm, Lovely.

Philip get off all right?

He said you gave him the Godowsky.

Yes.

Was I a naughty Hatto?

No harm done.

I forgot to ask him

when the piece was coming out.

It's coming out quite soon.

There hasn't been any more

stuff on the internet?

I thought Philip seemed

a little distant.

No. That's all died down.

Eat up, Ducky.

It wasn't so wrong to do, was it?

No.

If things had been different, you'd

have been selling them all along.

Because I could play, couldn't I?

Oh, I'll say.

I knew that from the day you had

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