Loving Miss Hatto Page #5

just the sheer sparkle of the Hatto.

'In fact, I hope to be taking

a look at more Hatto

'recordings on a future programme.

'This lady seems to be having

something of a late flowering -

'can one say that,

or should I say a renaissance,

'that's possibly more polite.

'Anyway, that's my choice

for Building A Library,

that's

Joyce Hatto - Chopin Complete Etudes

and that's on the Concert Artist

label and...

Sounds like you might have your own

radio programme, Ducky.

Hardly,

but he seemed fairly intelligent.

Well, this isn't going to buy

the baby a new bonnet.

I've got to pop to the printers,

check the new cover for your Rach

Three,

because the one they faxed through

was absolutely shocking.

The things you have to

keep an eye on. And you love it.

Orders coming in, parcels going

out, fans all over the world,

of course I love it!

And because it's all for you, all

for Joyce Hatto.

Fan-dabby-dozy.

Right, and I'll pick up the bird

seed.

Don't forget the horse pills,

they should be in today.

Roger Wilco,

no peace for the wicked.

Barrie?

We're not wicked, are we?

Get away!

I'll tell you what's wicked.

The fact that it took forty years

to get Joyce Hatto on to the BBC.

That's wicked.

Did you put the machine on?

Oh, Barrie, you never remember!

Oh, er, Concert Artists,

can I help you?

'Yes, my name is Philip Hill.

'I wanted to speak to someone

about one of your artists.

'I actually did the review of the

Joyce Hatto Chopin this morning

'on Radio Three

on Building a Library

'and A:
I wanted to order

more Hatto discs,

'but also I wondered whether you

had any way of contacting her

'as I'd be interested in talking

to her for a piece

'I'm writing for

Gramophone Magazine.'

Oh. Well, you are actually

speaking to her.

'One doesn't really expect a concert

pianist to answer the phone.

'I don't know if you heard

my review this morning?'

Er, no, I was playing the piano,

I'm afraid. I forgot to tune in.

My husband says that I'm

ridiculously non-publicity-minded,

very behind the times in that way.

I hope you were kind to me?

Ducky? Do I smell baking?

Buns? This is a turn up.

I've had a gentleman caller.

Oh, yes?

Well, telephonic caller, because you

didn't put the answer phone on.

Darn it. Sorry.

When I picked up, who should

it be but the gentlemen

who was so enamoured of

the Hatto Chopin Etudes

on the wireless this morning.

Oh, Philip thingy.

He was very delighted to find that

he was talking to the lady herself.

I bet he was. And we had a very nice

chat about Chopin

and the Liszt Transcendental Etudes

and Godowksys

and all sorts of things.

And it rather lifted my spirits

and I thought, we shall have buns,

buns is what we shall have.

Jolly good.

He phoned Concert Artists did he?

He's doing a piece

for the Gramophone

and he wants to talk to me.

About what, though, Ducky?

About my recording techniques.

Well, that's going to be a bit

awkward, isn't it? Why?

You don't have a recording

technique.

No, but I can tell him

how I play the pieces

and how I tackle a new piece.

Yes, I suppose so...

Well, when he rings, Joyce,

keep it vague.

You can talk about how you feel

about the music,

but we don't want to get into

the nuts and bolts of where we

record the things.

He's not ringing, he's taking us

out for lunch in Cambridge.

Are you potty?

No! I'm not potty!

He's got a lot of my CDs.

In fact, he was calling to order

some more, it's all on the pad.

Joyce, selling online,

getting reviews online,

chaps talking about you on

the radio, that's all fine,

but you can't sit down

with a journalist, face-to-face

and talk about how we make

these records.

Why? Because we didn't make them!

Think, sweetie! I mean, yes, they

sound like you, but they're not you!

Joyce, trust me, this is a bad idea!

Trust you? I remember trying

that a long time ago,

so, I'm very much once bitten there!

Oh, don't worry, I'll call him back.

I'll explain that

I'm not able to have

a nice lunch with an intelligent,

cultured music critic,

because MY husband has a very

limited view of my capabilities

and would rather I stayed at home

with nothing else to think about

but how long I've got to live!

Not too mutton?

Not mutton at all.

There you go!

Merci.

Hair? Luxuriant. Hmm.

I wasn't trying to spoil your fun,

Ducky,

putting the kibosh on meeting

Philip, I just thought,

we're safer flying under the radar.

I just fancied flying

a little higher.

Fly too high, your wings fall off.

My wings aren't going to last me

much longer anyway, are they?

Get your skates on,

the train waits for no man.

Bags I forward.

I said it first.

Come on then Mrs Barrington Coupe,

let's take Joyce Hatto out to lunch.

Thank you.

So, basically, Joyce,

since you gave up live performance,

you've just been working away

and when you feel a piece is ready,

you record it.

So, what do you do?

Just book a studio?

Well, I leave all that to Barrie.

I say my job is to make the bread

and Barrie has to put it

in the oven!

Yes, Joyce always says

working on a piece

is like making a loaf of bread - you

know, first you have to work it...

Yes, you work it and you knead it

and then you leave it to rise.

You have to let it become

what it wants to be.

Yeah, and once it's recorded,

Joyce never listens to it again.

Really? Not interested.

No, not interested. I don't do

retakes or whatever they're called.

I record it, I go home

and what people want to make of it

is up to them,

it's none of my business.

So, not much editing time,

then, Barrie?

Yes, as far as recording goes,

Joyce is a very cheap date!

When Barrie and I met, I was giving

a concert at the Strathmore

and he was a little bit bowled

over, weren't you?

He took me for a cup of tea

and he said,

"Would you like a cup or mug?"

I was desperate for a mug but I

thought it wasn't very ladylike,

so I said, "I'll have a cup ..."

A cup was thrupence.

And a mug was fivepence. That made

me a cheap date in Barrie's eyes!

Tired, sweetie?

Do you know, I'm absolutely not.

Wasn't it lovely talking about music

to someone who knew about it?

While you were in the ladies, he

said he was going to e-mail me

to get some facts straight.

We can cobble something together,

at least on the e-mail

you've got thinking time.

I thought we did very well with our

ducking and diving over lunch.

While you were in the gents, I told

him I was working on the Godowskys.

You didn't say you were

bringing them out?

I think I may have done.

You don't make life easy, Ducky.

You know there are only about

three versions to choose from.

Did you set the video

for Monkey World?

I did. End of a perfect day.

'Where do you usually

do these recordings?

'Well, you use a studio one year

'and the next

it's a blooming coffee shop.

'Or one of those tanning places,

we have one of those

'down the road, don't we, Barrie?

And if you can believe this,

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