Low Cost

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Uploaded by pukeman

oneddl.com

In Leghorn or Poitiers?

Leghorn, okay.

Theoretically this afternoon.

No, I found a low cost flight.

What time's the hearing?

Okay, Bernard.

What?

What?

Gilles.

I'll let you go. I'm at my seat.

Later.

That won't go.

See me? I'm here.

What?

You're in my seat.

Isn't it free seating?

Maybe, but that's my seat. 11 D.

In an Airbus A321, it's 1()B.

But in a 737, it's 11D.

Okay.

Then I'll change seats.

Right.

It's just my feet.

It's pretty cramped.

Who put my bag here?

I don't know.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're unable

to control our music programming.

We apologize

for the inconvenience.

You Vezenuelian?

Awesome! Vale.

That's where it's happening.

Hang on.

Gwen?

He's asleep. My pal's a Breton.

We're doing an audio-visual documentary.

We wanted to do it in Vezeneula.

But we didn't get funding.

We filled in the application,

went to the post office and all that...

What's it on?

Everything that's going on right now.

Meaning what?

Meaning, in general.

I have lice.

We work in an anti-non-violent approach,

and we're against junk food, too.

It's poison.

As a Vezenuelian, you must know:

Peaches, fruit in fact, frutos...

There's fuzz on peaches,

and pesticides stick to the fuzz.

Pesticidas...

If you eat peaches with the fuzz

you can catch menopause.

Your attention,, please.

Due to a slight seback,

takeoff is delayed by 15 minutes.

Low costs are so punctual

in their delays.

Pierre.

I'm Frank.

A drink, ma'am?

A glass of water.

- 2 euros, please.

- I don't get it.

So a 10-hour delay is 10 euros?

- Do you want your water?

- Keep your water.

How should I know!

- I'm thirsty!

- Not for 2 euros. Read!

Everyone's thirsty.

No one's serving drinks.

A beverage, sir?

We've been waiting 2 hours!

A beverage?

Sir?

Hear that sicko on his phone?

He's not very discreet.

It's the sort of thing that...

Lower your voice up there!

Stop, stop!

Are you nuts?

He's talking so loud.

What are we, animals?

- We're tourists, we pay...

- The phone!

I'm such an idiot!

He's a midget.

What of it?

He's a midget. The guy up there...

He's a midget.

So what?

I can't tell a midget

to keep his voice down!

Here. Relax.

Think we'll take off soon?

I'll go nuts.

I read you, Toufik.

So terrorists have already taken over.

I'm joking. This used to be my line.

Not easy all this, is it?

I know the problem.

I was an Air France pilot.

On one of these, in fact.

Relax.

When they offered me pre-retirement,

I said yes.

Better for family life.

I'm single now, but it's still better.

I mean, now...

I've got it easy, now.

Real easy.

I'll let you go.

And as they say, Have a good flight.

So you're Venezuelan. That's great.

Funny, we meta really nice Mexican.

His name is Jorge. Ring a bell?

- No.

- It must.

Right, honey?

You okay?

Yeah.

I'm bored shitless.

I should go apologize.

Your midget, again?

You nuts? He might hear us!

Don't be ridiculous.

Occupied!

You're going to ask when we take off.

Exactly. When do we take off?

I don't know.

Urgent business in Paris?

A meeting with the management

about restructuring.

So if I'm not there...

- It's okay.

- I gotta be there or...

Say your flight was delayed in Djerba.

I'm not supposed to be in Djerba,

but on assignment in the Paris suburbs.

Not exactly next door.

- It's so hot.

- What's your line?

A real bore. Industrial espionage.

Some water?

Yes, please.

It's so hot.

It's due to the heat.

Excuse me.

I've been watching you for two hours,

and I wondered...

Do you play Crapette?

Crapette?

The card game?

Yeah, the card game.

- Sure.

- Thank you, Lord!

Face up or face down?

Be right back.

Damn, damn!

Your attention please.

Due to problems with the tour operator,

We are unable to take off

Lobud Jet Airlines regrets

the inconvenience but is not at fault.

The truth is, they're hiding the truth.

Think so?

What makes you think that?

Did De Gaulle Exist?

This is unheard of!

This is disgraceful!

We're made to wait for hours

just to deplane and manage on our own!

At midnight!

Who the hell do you think you are?

Calm down.

Calm down!

Your tour operator went bust.

It's not our fault!

But we paid! 90 euros. Per person!

No, I paid 45 euros.

What? How?

I reserved 6 months ago,

no luggage and I paid cash.

Please.

We're all in the same boat.

If I could take off, I would.

Then do it!

I have flight clearance. We've refueled.

But your tour operator...

Don't ram it up our ass!

That might sound crude,

but we've had it up to here!

What'd she say?

I don't speak German.

I get it.

What?

You're a psychopath.

Why say that?

You were all set

to disembowel that loudmouth,

and now you're depressive.

Earlier it was an impulse.

I can't control my impulses.

I just can't stand shouting.

For instance, if I were drowning,

I wouldn't call the lifeguard,

so as not to bother him.

Asking and shouting are beyond me.

One thing makes me really blow a fuse:

If someone honks at me,

or steps on my toes.

I'm afraid of rats, too.

And mice.

Hang on.

Wait a second.

Everyone's got to calm down.

I'm an airline pilot.

Not anymore,

but I know what I'm talking about.

Lay off the FA.

What's the FA?

FA, flight attendants. The crew.

Stop jerking us around!

Ladies and gentlemen,

I have good news!

As compensation,

we're offering you mint tea.

Enough of this sh*t!

We've been in this snafu

for 7 hours now!

So tell the company,

either they pay our way back,

or we occupy the plane!

Is that clear?

What're you doing?

Applauding, isn't it obvious?

A sign of approval. Don't know it?

We'll settle this when we arrive.

Listen. The authorities

are preventing us,

both in terms of their offer

and the dialog with the passengers,

from returning home.

So, we vote!

Who is for requisitioning the plane?

Who's against?

Who's for and against?

Requisitioning approved!

There we are.

See that?

Of course you didn't see anything.

In a flash,

the plane came under their control.

Nicely done.

All together, now!

We're the best!

And we're not leaving the plane.

We're good guys!

We're good and sane!

We'll confiscate the plane!

- You all right, Guy?

- Jeez!

You know what, Maude?

I always wanted to be a leftist.

I win!

It's my lucky day!

Not going to intervene?

No, I'm still on vacation.

They can beat each other to a pulp,

it's not my problem.

No way.

Honestly?

You bet.

What's this about confiscation?

What're you going to do now?

Stay on the plane? Then what?

You'll get off in the end.

Not if we take off.

You know how to fly a 737?

I don't.

He does.

What?

Sure, I know this plane.

Especially this one...

I've flown 35,000 hours on it.

Up at dawn,

with my little thermos of coffee.

The smell of jet fuel in the morning.

But you can't do that.

If it were up to me,

I'd take you home.

That I can do.

How long have we been stuck here?

Captain.

Come on.

Damn you.

Sure! He's a pilot.

He takes the controls and we take off?

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