Lt. Robin Crusoe, U.S.N. Page #2

buddy. It's okay now.

Hey, listen. How'd you get here anyway?

Listen, who are you?

Huh?

A fellow American!

Oh, boy. If you only knew

how glad I am to see you.

What's this?

" Astro-Chimp Floyd?

Project Mercury. Discoverer of bearer

please notify Navy

Department, Washington, D.C."

An astro-chimp.

Well, sir, let me tell you

what an honor it is to meet you.

In my book, you're one of

the great heroes of our time.

Hey, mind if I look around in here?

Of course he couldn't answer.

But I could almost

figure it out for myself.

It was years since the chimp program

on space probes was phased out.

Floyd probably landed

out of recovery range,

floated to shore in a space capsule,

broken out and managed

somehow to survive.

After all, why shouldn't he survive?

Floyd wasn'tjust any animal.

The Navy selected these creatures

for their high degree of adaptability.

As I recall, the IQs of those

astro-chimps compared favorably...

with those of your average naval ensign.

Oh, boy!

A Japanese supermarket!

Wait a minute. Let's

not lose our heads here.

I don't need comic books. I

don't need the gas mask either.

I don't need... whatever that is.

Now, let's do it the way Robinson

Crusoe did it hundreds of years ago.

Still makes sense. You

take things off the ship

in the order of their importance.

A storm could take the boat right off

the reef and sink it in deep water.

Tools. Need plenty of tools.

Candles. Blankets.

Oh, can I use blankets.

Gosh, these little Japanese

houses are sure cute.

They're simple, too.

Hey, Floyd, I'll bet we

could build one of them.

Let's see.

We stripped the submarine

of tools and materials,

and borrowing somewhat from the

Tinker Toy school of architecture,

we finished in a couple of weeks.

It looked a little like a

doll house with a hangover,

but we were proud of it.

We now have

a new addition

to the household.

A little mynah bird came by

while we were finishing the house,

and it seems he has

attached himself to us.

Hello, Jane.

Hello, Jane.

No, no. Me Rob, you Jane.

Me Rob, you Jane.

No, let's get this straight.

Jane. Jane. Get that?

Remember? Jane.

Remember? Jane. Remember? Jane.

Never mind. We'll work on it later.

Oh, Floyd, that's very pretty.

Just put it over here.

Anyplace is all right.

Very pretty!

I must close now, sweetheart,

as I want to catch the outgoing tide.

I'll be writing every day now.

All my love, Rob.

Remember? Jane. Remember? Jane.

You bet your beady little

black eyes I'll remember Jane.

That girl is one in a million.

Be back in a minute, Floyd.

- I'm gonna go down to mail a letter.

- Remember? Jane.

Onward, O missive of love,

through wind and rain

and sleet and snow.

The mail must go through.

All right. I'll call you.

Let me see you beat three

pretty little geishas.

All right.

All right. Three samurai beat

three geishas. Go on. Take them.

- Oh, boy.

- Shut up.

Shut up. Deal.

Go play a game of skill

with a dumb animal.

Shut up and deal. Shut up and deal.

Have I got a surprise

for you come Thanksgiving.

Shut up and deal!

I wonder what this stuff

is we got off the submarine.

Look like some kind

of Japanese soft drink.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

It's not bad.

Kumquat cola or something.

Oh, boy!

A little for you and a little for me.

Okay, buddy boy. Here

we go. I deal again.

Okay. I open for two clams.

And for Pete's sake, don't go ape with

the betting. It always spoils the game.

Okay, how many cards?

Come on, Floyd. I'm trying

to teach you the game.

A full house.

All right. Lucky.

Watch this one.

Come on, Floyd.

Bottoms up. Chug-a-lug.

How many cards?

All right, wise guy.

Okay, wise guy. I'll play these.

And I'll bet them all.

Read them and weep.

Not again.

All right. Take it

all. Go on, take it all!

I hope you're... I hope

you're proud of yourself.

Do you know something, my

fine, hairy young friend?

You know something?

You play poker like a woman.

You know why?

A woman doesn't know what

cards she's playing either,

and she always wins.

- And I'll tell you why she always wins.

- Remember Jane.

Remember Jane.

Floyd, did I ever show you

a picture of my fiance?

This is the most beautiful

creature in the whole world, Floyd.

Isn't she lovely?

I don't suppose you astro-chimps

ever had a lady friend, huh?

I mean, you just never had one.

All that rigorous flight training

and regular... regular hours.

And no dames. Strict... Strict rules.

Oh, Floyd, she's lovely.

She's in show business, I see, huh?

Oh, Floyd, how you must miss her.

Floyd, a toast.

A toast with this delicious

Japanese soft drink.

To our ladies fair,

wherever they are, may be.

From their lonely, loyal sailor... boys.

Floyd, you look terrible.

I better put you two to bed.

You know, you shouldn't break

training like that, Floyd.

Just a minute, Floyd.

You know something, Floyd?

They ought to bottle this stuff.

Floyd, a toast.

To the United States Navy

and to the world in general.

Wherever they may be.

Cock-a-diddle-doodle.

Cock-a-diddle-doodle.

Cock-a-diddle-doodle.

Cock-a-diddle-doodle.

Cock-a-diddle-doodle-dada-diddle.

- Ooh. -

Cock-a-diddle-doodle.

It's not "

cock-a-diddle-doodle. "

It's " cock-a-doodle-do.

" "Cock-a-doodle-do. "

- How many times do I have to

tell you? - Cock-a-doodle-do!

Cock-a-doodle-do!

Cock-a-doodle-do!

Cock-a-doodle-do!

Oh, that was a great idea,

training the bird to be an alarm clock.

Kumquat cola.

Ah.

Why don't you lead

off. You go off first.

Here.

Now, remember, keep your

head... Watch your grip.

No, that's all wrong.

You lifted your head...

Nice shot. Lousy form and a nice shot.

Sometimes it's just luck.

Oh, don't get funny.

Japanese clubs are a

little short for me, Floyd.

That's a great lie, that is.

Right in the middle of a footprint.

Floyd, your footprints

are all over the place.

How many times have I told you to

rake over your footprints in a trap?

It's one of the cardinal rules of

golf. You replace your divots and you...

You know something?

That doesn't look like your footprint.

Floyd, I'm sorry. It's

one of mine. Look at this.

Actually, it's a little...

little small for mine, isn't it?

Floyd, we're not alone.

Come on!

Stay close to me, Floyd.

Why did it get so quiet all of a sudden?

Come on. Let's go.

That means everybody, sailor. Come on!

See, Floyd? It's all right.

Just an ordinary dark, terrifying cave.

- Ah!

- Ah!

Be careful! You're gonna hurt somebody!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Now, listen.

Just calm down.

I'm not gonna hurt you.

I'm not gonna hurt you.

That's it. I'm not gonna hurt you.

No, wait. Don't, don't. Hey!

Don't stand there, you

dumb ape. We're not playing.

What is the matter with you?

All right. Now, I turn you loose,

you gonna be good?

All right.

Now, just stay calm.

See? See?

Nothing to be upset about.

Just be calm.

That's it.

All nice. Nice, now.

That's all right.

Me trust. All smiles. See teeth?

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