Lucky Numbers Page #10

F***! F***!

- [Siren Wailing]

- Uh-oh.

Don't say a word without a lawyer,

even if they beat you.

- Stay strong.

- Not tonight. Nobody's beating me.

You get out of here.

I don't want you mixed up in this.

- If i go to jail, I'm goin' alone.

- Wait!

Your money's in your briefcase!

Don't do it! Don't take that sled.

It's a piece of sh*t.

Take the 4-40!

Excellent power-to-weight ratio.

- What?

- Two-year unlimited warranty!

- An on board toolkit!

- Okay! Fine!

This beauty is built for you!

- Hand warmers, halogen lights!

- Shut your trap. I got it!

No! Pull the choke.

The lines are dry.

- No, don't flood it.

- You said pull the choke.

Finesse. Like getting a chick off.

We went over this!

- [ Engine Rewing ]

- All right, you fellas.

It looks like you're in need

of some assistance.

- Get back!

- Huh?

- Back off!

- Huh?

I said back off, motherf***er!

Hey. Hey!

Ho! Oh, man!

Give me the case.

Whoo! Hoo-hoo!

Whoa!

Hail Yamaha.

Ah, Jesus Christ!

This night never ends.

[ Grunts ]

[ Siren Wailing ]

Let me loose, I just got back

- I was pushed and i got dragged

- Okay, kids!

Now it's time to play

the snowmobile game,

with your host, Russ Richards!

Destination anywhere

So far gone, I'm almost there

Can't you see, i can't deny

I'm outta here like I'm on fire

Livin' like an animal, criminal

Television newsman

so subliminal

Bringing down the walls

of wonder land

Ohh!

Just another high brow cowboy

tellin' me everything and everyone

And all the things i oughta be

- Here i am your demolition man

- Oh, jeez! Aaah!

[Woman]Russ? Russ.

- Russ.

- No.

- Russ.

- No.

- Russ!

- Oh, my God.

How you feelin'?

- You got pretty banged up there.

- That's beautiful.

We figured you'd be up in a minute.

You were singing "My Way.''

You are so funny. You're as funny

in a coma as you are on TV.

- I can't believe I'm alive.

- One more.

You get it?

Okay, you have a visitor outside.

I'm gonna get your dinner,

and I'll be back in a minute, okay?

- Okay. Bye.

- Yeah?

- Okay, bye-bye.

- Bye.

- Officer, please don't upset him.

- I'm not gonna upset him.

You're in big trouble, mister.

- No. Oh, God.

- Yup.

- You're gonna have to pay for it.

- I told them, Officer.

I said it was stupid at the start,

but nobody listened to me.

That's good. Remorse. Nice candy.

'Cause, for starters,

we're looking at three big ones.

Oh, God! Three big - Three years?

Three hundred dollars.

What?

For the windshield.

Plus, there's

this little baby right here.

You'll have to put that together

with tape, but it still counts.

- This-- This is a ticket.

- Yeah.

For operating a class-two vehicle

without a license. Weight class two.

Can't this wait? Mr. Richards

is suffering from a concussion.

- We're talking.

- There's nothin' on it.

My pen ran out of ink.

Officer, i really must insist.

From doing paperwork all night,

between you and saving your boss.

- My boss?

- Dick Simmons.

- He's right down the hall here.

- Wh-Why is he here?

Some thug broke into his house.

Broke his legs with a bat.

Officer, please.

- Boom.

- Was it - Was it Dale the thug?

Well, i don't know.

Some jerk with a plaid shirt.

But don't worry.

[ Imitating Gunfire ]

I killed him.

Oh, jeez, that's just...

- Come on. Thank you.

- [ Crowd Clamoring ]

Back, back, back, back!

- Scoot! Scoot!

- Yes!

[ Stifled Chuckling ]

I can't stand it. Yes!

[Loud Clattering]

What?

[ Blubbering ]

Dick, I'm back.

This is the lightning round.

I'm calling the shots now.

- Quiet, I'm trying to ski.

- Look, I got your money.

I'm gonna give it back, but I need

the ticket. Where's the ticket?

It's my show -

This is the plan. I'm docking you

for being an a**hole.

And I'm docking Gig

for having people killed.

And I'm docking Crystal

for being a twisted, psycho b*tch!

Starting today,

i decide where the money goes.

If anyone doesn't like it,

we're all going to jail.

- [ Gasps ]

- You give me that ticket.

Where is it? Where is the ticket?

I.. I gave it to Larry King.

Uh, no...

Got to learn to share your toys!

[Dan] The search is over.

The winneroflast month's

$6.4 million lottery jackpot...

has finally stepped forward.

She's a waitress at a local Denny's

right here in Harrisburg.

Pennsylvania's newest

multimillionaire is Wendy Fawcett.

Thankyou so much!

I don't know what to say.

I've never won anything

before in my life.

[ Woman ] Wendy, what are

you gonna do with the money?

I'm going to put some in savings

and some of it in checking.

And the rest I'll be sharing

with a good friend.

- And who's that?

- I'm not telling you! [ Cackling ]

And we're giving a lot of it

away to the Big Brothers,

the Sunshiny Day Club,

Asthma...

- [Man] Do you have asthma?

- No.

But many people out there do.

Wendy, how did you pick

the numbers you played?

- How did I what?

- How did you choose the numbers?

Oh, I get what you're saying.

Okay, I get it, I get it! Um, wow.

Uh, let's see, uh,

seventy... seventy is because...

a cheeseburger deluxe with bacon...

is 70 cents extra.

And, um, 16...

When I was 16, I went to a party.

And, uh, nine...

Well, nine, we all know,

is just lucky.

Oh, man. And, um,

seven is... I have seven Barbies,

not including the ones

that got their face chewed off...

by the next door neighbor's dog,

who's just such a great dog.

[Russ Narrating] There it is--

a story to tell your grandchildren.

Well, maybe not.

Dick Simmons was fired from WTPA...

after calling the network head

"the luckiest a**hole on Earth."

He now teaches communications

at Pocono Community College.

Ethics.

Crystal married and divorced

a sickly 80-year-old millionaire...

and sued him for half his money.

She testified he was a Svengali,

a word she mispronounced

throughout the trial.

He was like... like this "Svenjelly".

[Russ] She lost the case.

You're making my dreams

come true

She works at Gig's

five nights a week.

No cover charge,

free buffalo wings with coupon.

Thirty-nine!

Gig bought an obscure stock

called Microsoft in 1990.

He now divides his time between

Harrisburg and his estate in Monaco.

Listen to this

I've done all my daydreaming

Oh, that sleep walk

should be over by now

As for me,

i moved to St. Augustine, Florida,

where it hasn't snowed in 50 years.

- [ Engine Starts ]

- And you know what?

I auditioned, and i was back on TV.

[Male Announcer] And now it's time

top lay north Florida cable's...

second-most popular game show,

Lucky Numbers,

with your host, Russ Richards.

- Hey! How are ya?

- [Audience Cheering]

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Hey. What a great-looking audience.

My goodness, I'd love to take you

home with me tonight.

How 'bout it?

Tonight, after the show?

Dinner for 250? Okay.

I'll make the margaritas.

All right, now...

[Narrating] You know, sometimes

i walk past an appliance store...

with 45 TV sets in the window,

and i'm on everyone of them.

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