Lucky Them Page #5

---

Oh, really? How?

I've devised a system that

can apply to any couple.

It goes like this.

If the relationship can be

summed up in a single sentence,

it will never survive.

I'll give you an example.

The previous relationship, our

single sentence was, "she is the

lost child to my father figure."

In another one, I was the exotic

aesthete to her

Midwestern homebody.

Exotic aesthete?

And with another, "she is my

every sexual fantasy, but she

just wants her bare bottom

spanked."

Right. So, you're saying it

works with you and Charlotte

because there's not one

sentence that describes you.

Exactly.

And what about you and Matthew?

I was the carpenter to his

unfixable... fixer-upper.

"Can't save nobody."

It's a famous saying.

An enormous earthquake hit

Kabanjahe, Indonesia,

two days ago.

There are probably over 500

animals that have died.

Most of these animals will,

unfortunately, go without proper

burial.

We need to aid these souls, help

them transition into the next

stage of their existence.

So please remember

today, heart to heart...

Soul to soul... paw to paw.

Charlie has told me all about

your search for Matthew Smith.

I was a huge fan of his

in junior high school.

You know, originally, I

volunteered to help Ellie find

Matthew because I wanted to have

sex with her.

Jesus! That's not... that's

not true.

It's fine.

I'm not threatened.

You shouldn't be.

Look at the house.

Look at how she's

completely made it over.

It's just aglow with love and

warmth and that dream catcher.

She's got a great eye, not

unlike my mother... except, you

know, Charlotte's

alive and gorgeous.

That sounds like your sentence.

Oh, come on.

By the way, what are you and...

LA... Lagary... Lucas.

His name is Lucas.

What are you and Lucas doing

I don't know.

Well, Charlotte and I have

something wonderful

to celebrate.

Don't we, my dear?

Celebrate?

Her lips are like

tiny sugar pillows.

Endless love

That's lovely.

Oh, my God.

That thing is huge!

Look at that.

That is beautiful.

You guys are coming, right?

Uh... to the wedding?

Yeah. Yeah. When is it?

Next week.

Oh, God.

What? Uh, wow.

That's... it's really great.

That's really kind of...

Exciting.

Well, when you know,

you know, and we know.

So, I'm chartering a jet and

we're flying over, and

you got to come with us.

You have a private jet?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, we'll... we'll fly

on your private jet, sure.

Of course, you know, I've

really been trying to get

Charlie to enjoy objects more.

I just... I think it would be

good for him, you know, because

we're in such a golden

era of materialism.

And we all have a slot to fill

in the world, and until you

learn to fill that slot, you're just...

you're fighting against

the natural order.

You'll never be

completely at peace.

I've been studying

all about this.

Oh, wow.

So, there's... there's, like,

papers written on this?

Oh, yeah, tons.

Are they written in crayon?

That's really insulting.

No, they're not in crayon.

Charlie has rich-man's guilt.

I do?

Mm-hmm.

Even your... your documentary

filmmaking is an effect

of your misalignment.

Right.

Documentaries... they're

a platform for the poor.

They should be by poor people,

for poor people,

about poor people.

You know, I once saw this

little film online, and it was,

uh, made by a monkeys, about

monkeys, for monkeys.

That's not true, is it?

The whole thing's like 10

seconds long, and it's just

this shaking camera with

occasional glimpses of, like, a

banana and other monkeys.

And then the camera breaks.

That's... not funny at all.

That would be animal cruelty.

Right.

It was just a funny little...

It's just a... video.

The golden age of materialism?

What?

She's kind of crazy, right?

Thank you for being nice.

Yeah. When am I not nice?

You're the one who

can't fake it.

You look really cute tonight.

Thanks, baby.

What's going on?

Are you nervous about your

meeting?

Hmm? No.

You don't need to be.

I mean, he's gonna love you.

No, it's gonna be good.

Thank you for hooking that up.

Of course.

You don't have to thank me.

You're up, champ.

Thanks, bud.

Glory hole is stall 3.

Wow.

It's exciting, isn't it?

What?

Love.

Me, Charlotte.

You, Lucas.

You guys are gonna have a

great time at the wedding.

And I'm gonna tell Charlotte to

throw the bouquet at you as hard

as she can.

So, what is going on?

What do you got for me?

Well, yeah, it's coming along.

Ellie, your deadline

is next week.

Can I just get a little, tiny

progress report, please?

Okay. Uh, well, if you... if

you have to know, the truth is...

I, uh...

I'm kind of seeing somebody, so

my time is... oh,

for God's sake.

I could give a sh*t.

Honey, the story.

What... what's going

on with the story?

You know, what happened with the

Internet guy?

What Internet guy?

The guy that I gave $1,000 to

because he knew

where Matthew was.

That guy.

Oh, yeah.

Uh, that guy.

Uh... Funny thing.

People on the Internet... they

aren't always honest.

Huh.

And I want to state for the

record that I had my

doubts from the beginning.

So, what else have you tried?

What do you mean?

Like, have I found Matthew?

Is that what you're asking?

'Cause, I mean, you said it...

He may not even be out there.

Did our conversation just

have no effect on you

whatsoever?

Because here's the deal, honey.

I just... I cannot cover for you

anymore while you self-destruct

over some idiot

f***ing musician.

My magazine is on the line here.

Okay, I need you to do three

things, all right?

Get your sh*t together.

Find Matthew.

Write a very good

story about it.

Or what?

You'll fire me?

That's right.

Hey. Come on in.

I was just running.

Really weird.

It was good.

The meeting was

really, really...

Oh, God, yeah. What happened?

I think, uh... I think I'm flying to L.A.

tomorrow, yeah.

Oh, my God.

And they want to set up a

bunch of meetings and

shows and, uh...

Wow! Ahh! That's amazing!

Crazy!

I cannot believe it.

Wow. Wait.

Uh, when... when

will you be back?

Uh... I don't know.

Oh, um... Charlie's wedding.

Yeah.

What... what day is it?

Saturday.

But he's gonna fly us over on

Friday.

So, that's fine.

I'll just fly in and

meet you Saturday.

Okay.

Yeah. What was that?

What?

What was that?

I'm gonna make the wedding.

I know.

I am.

And I'm gonna call you every

day.

Okay.

Name a day, any day.

Monday.

I'm gonna call you Monday.

Name another day.

Thursday.

Yeah, Thursday's bad for me.

F*** you!

I'm gonna call you Thursday.

I'm glad we're back to work

on the, uh, documentary.

Nice to have the distraction.

What's the latest on the, uh,

wunderkind?

I figured it out.

I am the industry-wise

transition girlfriend to his

soon-to-be model-f***ing

teen heartthrob.

Ooh. Your sentence.

I'm sorry.

This is, uh... well, this is the

house where Matthew grew up.

Who do you think lives there

now?

Apparently, nobody.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes