Lying to Be Perfect

---

We are all Cinderella.

No matter what our size.

Within each one of us there

is a unique beauty and grace.

Finding that beauty,

however, isn't easy.

See, Cinderella had to first recognize

that her problem wasn't her evil stepmother.

Her problem was that it was easier

to hide out, cleaning the house.

...than it was to go out

and find happiness.

She needed a fairy godmother.

...to empower her with the kind

of self confidence it takes.

...to reject the insecurity brought

on by unrealistic, overachieving...

...airbrushed, anorexic

princess images in the media.

It took some very large

ovaries for Cinderella.

...to make a change to trade in her scrub

brush for a fabulous pair of dancing shoes.

But boy, was it worth it.

I'm gonna be so late.

No! I'm so late! Not today!

You okay?

Yeah. It's Pumpkin, my

car... Broke down. Thank you.

You named you car "Pumpkin"?

Yeah, she's a 65 Mustang

restored. You know kind of a...

...pumpkin-into-a-coach...

kind of thing.

I'm at Shine. Do you work here?

It's just parttime. You?

Yeah. Until I get fired

for being late to a meeting!

Thank you!

Joy, I'm late.

The meeting's already started.

Lori's having a stroke.

Oh, my God.

Nice of you to join us this morning.

Lory, my car died and...

So, Nancy, tell me. Can they sue us?

People can sue for anything.

It's my job to stop them.

But let's be careful. The names we throw around

when we write an article about "celebrity cougars".

She should be flattered.

Okay, people, other ideas.

Fourty is the new twenty.

Foisty foreplay tips.

Feel great naked workout.

Nola. We were talking

about ideas for November.

Yeah.

Come up with something that ties Belinda

Apple's book and her November column?

What book?

For those among you who couldn't bother to get

here on time, Nola Devlin, I'll repeat myself.

Stan's and Publishing which

owns Shine and therefore me...

wants to publish a book

on Belinda Apple's columns.

"Apple gets to the core" sort

of... A best-of self help book.

Belinda never mentioned a book to me.

You edit her column.

You're not her best friend.

I will be writing the

foreword to the book.

You?

You have a problem with that?

No. I just thought since

I edit her column I...

And this matters to me because...

Precisely.

I'll need the next column myself.

And for God sakes, clean yourself up.

You should totaly be

writing that intro. You know.

You know Belinda better than

anyone and you're an amazing writer.

Thanks.

It's okay. It's really

exciting about the book.

Yeah, for Belinda.

Devlin!

Lunch? Saturday? You, me and Deb?

I need everything you

have on Belinda Apple.

Her life growing up in England,

education, childhood photos...

...articles she wrote for

"Go Fab" magazine before.

Well, I don't have any of that.

Idea. Wait! Call her!

Right. Or I could do a sort of rough

draft of the foreword for you and then...

I'm sure your knickers are in a

knot about this but look at you.

No offense but you're

sugar-encrusted nobody.

Do you really think Stanson.

wants you to write the foreword

to a book by its biggest star?

No.

No. "No" is right.

Then get me what I need.

Go!

Sorry to hear about your car.

That's okay.

But uh, Chip, the new computer

guy is working today and he lives.

...near you so he could give

you a ride home if you want.

Chip, like "computer chip"?

Anyway, shall I get him to meet

you in the parking lot at six?

Sure. Yes. Thank you.

That would be great.

- Okay

- Okay.

Oh, yeah. It's all limo

rides for you, isn't it?

Me, I get to take a ride

home with the geek squad.

He is computer chip? Oh!

Hey, Hi!

You probably don't recognize me standing

upright but this really is my better side.

I'm Nola Devlin. You

are computer chip, right?

Is that a joke?

Apparently not a very good one.

Thank you for waiting for me.

Joy told me you live

near me on the north-end.

...so I really appreciate... The ride.

You did offer to give

a ride, didn't you?

Well, I'd be happy to give you a ride.

Okay.

You edit Belinda Apple's column.

Yeah.

So. Did you end up getting fired?

No, not yet. But I am sure

that that's in the works.

Bad day?

When I was in the 6th grade a

boy asked me to a Halloween party.

I went as a cheeseburger because

that's the only contume that fit.

Well. When I got there I found

out that you were supposed to be.

...dressed as what you want

to be when you grew up.

Yeah. Today was worse. I

don't wanna talk about it.

And my car, the one that died...

My dad bought me that

car for my 16th birthday.

You know, I mean... That

cat took me to college.

I was to the Jersey Shore in that car.

That cat took me to Boston to see Cold Play.

I made out with Ronnie Spilman

in that car. That car defines me.

Defined you. Past tense.

Hey, look. You know, change is good.

Old car dies. New car could be better.

What about a... Porsche.

That is my back-up fantasy car.

Back-up fantasy?

Well, my fantasy-fantasy car

is a powder-blue 55 thunderbird.

I mean, if I had to break the

bank, that would be my sledgehammer.

Now you're talking.

Now I'm dellucinating. Can't

afford that car on my salary.

Don't let work get in the way of your

dream. I speak from my experience.

I am all about the dream

and so not about the job.

Girls like me don't

drive cars like that.

Says who?

My low self-esteem.

Well, maybe it's time for you to grow up, take

charge of your life and be all that you can be.

Oh, okay.

It's the advice my father gives me.

But hey, listen, if the whole

dream doesn't work for you...

...you can always do as he

tells me and demand change.

This one. Right here.

Right there?

- Yeah.

Thank you for the ride.

It was very nice of you.

Can I offer you anything for gas?

No. I'm cool.

All right.

It's probably none of my business but...

I think your father is wrong. I don't

think you can demand change from people.

I think you have to...

inspire it. You know?

Yeah.

All right. Let's see

what we got. You ready?

Dear Belinda. This is

my life. Or non-life.

I am a plus-size woman in her thirties.

with a cat in a pastel

colored apartment.

Could I be any more the stereotype?

I'm under-appreciated at work.

And the only physical

contact I get is from my cat.

Am I hopeless? Can I get out of this

rut? Or should I just buy another cat?

Signed "Lifeless in Los Angeles".

All right, Belinda. What do you got?

Dear Lifeless...

Your cat must be tired of the pity-party

you've been throwing yourself everyday.

Maybe if you didn't put yourself down

so much you wouldn't be so pathetic.

You want a life? Get one.

Grant yourself a wish to change. Then

stop complaining and do something.

Yeah, I did something.

What?

Hi, Lory.

Lory...

...you know how you said Shine

needs to distinguish itself.

...by adding an advice columnist to

address issues facing women today?

I said I wanted a columnist

to answer all the dimwits.

who ask embarasing questions

about their sex lifes.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes