Mac & Devin Go to High School

---

And stay out!

Man, this girl is trying

to f*** up my day.

Talkin' about she want

to watch a romantic comedy.

Get the f*** outta here!

I ain't watchin' no lovey-dovey,

funny bunny ass sh*t with her.

Anyway, sorry everyone.

Let me properly

introduce myself.

My name is Slow Burn,

and I am your movie guide.

We will be watching

"Mac and Devin

Go To High School"

starring Snoop Dogg

and Wiz Khalifa.

But before we get started

with the picture,

I would like to make sure

everyone is comfortable

and properly prepared.

We all know the regular routine.

Go the bathroom,

turn off your annoying-ass

cell phone,

get a big ass popcorn,

and a cup of ice-cold

carbonated sugar water--

Baaah.

Wrong.

You missin' one key

ingredient, nigga.

How you gonna watch

a motherfuckin' weed movie

without no motherfuckin' weed?

Get your papers, your bongs,

your bowls, your blunts,

some fat- ass nugs

of that Good-Good

and spark that sh*t up!

Now, if you unfortunate

right now,

and don't have any weed,

I'm sorry.

But please,

stop this movie right now.

It just won't work,

you can't watch

this sh*t without no weed.

Stop.

You don't play baseball

without no bat, do you?

Exactly.

For the same reason

you don't watch a Three-D movie

without Three-D glasses.

So go figure that out,

then put your goddam

ganja goggles on,

and get ready for lift-off.

Thank you, kindly.

And without further ado,

I would like to present,

"Mac...

and Devin Go To High School."

Hold on!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

For all of you that like to play

those movie weed games,

like smoke every time

so and so character

says this or does that,

here's the official

weed game for this movie.

Take a hit every time

you see a character on screen

either walkin', talkin',

or breathin'.

Matter of fact, let's do

one together right now.

Yeah.

That's what the f***

I'm talkin' about.

W- what you waitin' on, man?

Start the movie.

F***.

[ inhale ]

No, a nigga don't wanna

go to school today

Let me call this b*tch

and get my sh*t together

When I pull up people

so fresh in my ride

We smoke the best

you can buy

Them niggas talking it

but they just don't

go harder than us

Keep stunting

just cause I can

Hey, Mac, man, what's up, man?

Where the weed at, man?

Hey, Mac, let me

get some weed, bro.

Can I get some weed, man?

They just don't go

harder than us.

This one's for the g's

all black chucks

on the cuffs of my jeans

King size papers

stuffed full of trees,

I be with the boss dawg

y'all f*** niggas, please

Now they say I'm hot,

hundred something degrees,

taking pictures with

a young nigga, cheese

Remember days, homey,

I ain't had a thing

Now I'm hopping

off the plane,

putting roaches on the wing

And my hos like queens,

but we smoke like kings

Jewelry froze like bling,

money come fast,

you're slow like lean

Rolling up grass...

I need the Mac, man.

Hook it up, man.

What's up, Mac?

I wanna get my higher

learnin' on, bro.

Gotta be like good, good,

don't you know.

Stress be make

a nigga head hurt.

For real.

We smoke the best

you can buy

Them niggas talking it

but they just don't

go harder than us

Keep stunting

just cause I can

These hos know

just who I am

Them niggas talking it

but they just don't

go harder than us

We blow to

the middle of the day

Wiz say, Dogg,

put a little in the J

Hey, why not?

Not why?

We fly, we ride,

she high, he high...

Mr. Mac, I...

Never mind.

Thank you for your time.

He just smoke all day,

it's a mind game

Like Kareem,

I seem to keep migraines

Richie Valenz and b*tch,

I'm Frankie Lymon

I'm so lifted,

like a parachuter

My grass, stay off,

day off, Ferris Bueller

Slip away, dip away,

almost had to throw

a whole zip away

But f*** that,

this the Taylor Gang,

what you want, dawg,

sh*t I'm on everything

You dig?

Looky, player,

you got what I need,

I'm lookin' for the green.

I'm looking for the weed,

give it to the fiend.

But they just don't

go harder than us.

Keep stunting

just cause I can

These hos know

just who I am

Them niggas talking...

I need to get high, man.

You know what I'm saying?

Put some kush up in it.

All I got is pesos.

Is that cool?

You niggas never have,

never will, what?

You niggas never have,

never will, what?

Big Snoop and Wiz smoking,

kill, kill

I said, you niggas never

have, and you never will

You niggas never have,

and you never will

You niggas never have,

and you never will

Big Snoop and Young Wiz

smokin' kill, kill, kill...

Yeah

You niggas still

in Junior High School

Hey, good morning, how's

my favorite MILF doing today?

Stressed.

Stressed?

I got just what you need.

I know you do.

Take two of these.

Here you go, sweetie.

All right, baby.

We smoke the best

you can buy

I need that homework

done in Calculus tonight,

you feel me?

Yes, Mac.

I'll do this.

Hey.

Hey, Big Mac, how you doin'?

A la mnage a trois?

What's up, bro?

You comin'

to the game tonight?

You better score

two touchdowns tonight, boy.

Wes, Wes.

Let's smoke something, Mac.

I got you, brother,

don't even trip.

We smoke the best

you can buy

[ bell rings ]

Yo!

Watch where the f***

you're walking, stupid b*tch!

These hos know

just who I am

Ah!

[ whistles ]

I can't wait to taste it.

Be patient, baby.

All I need you to do,

I need you to

climb up there, come on.

Dang, girl.

Get it together.

Come close to the wall.

Oh, my god.

See, I got like messed up,

you kids.

I'm old school!

That means I don't

play that sh*t.

Whatever, man.

Man, turn back, turn-

turn around.

That's the reason

why I called

the Assistant Principal,

Mr. Skinnfloot,

'cause I know he'll give

every one of you a pass.

Man, we didn't do sh*t.

Turn back arou- You wanna

lose your strength?

What's up, Mr. Skinnfloot?

You see I done handled this.

Look how- look how

I got 'em lookin'.

That fool, Skinnfloot,

jacked me for that master kush,

it's got to be

in here somewhere.

Damn.

Sit back.

Let me find it.

Where did this f***er

put my thing at?

Wait a minute.

That don't smell like no....

'Kay.

Come here.

This is the last time you...

[ intercom squeals ]

Oh, yeah...

Oh, yeah.

Oh, wow.

[ girl ]

You know I'm ready Big Daddy.

[ Mac ]

Feast your eyes on my big, fat,

long, succulent, mouth-watering

woo-wa for the doo-da.

[ girl ]

I knew it'd be big,

but I've never seen

anything this big.

[ Mac ]

Just put it

in your mouth, baby.

[ girl ]

It's so thick,

I can barely hold it.

[ Mac ]

Yes, you can.

Just go aaah...

There you go.

Stop listening to that filth!

[ Mac ]

Aaaah....

[ girl ]

I can't fit it all in my mouth.

Yo, that dude is crazy.

[ Mac ]

Just stuff it in there

and get to suckin'.

No, he ain't.

Mac!

Skinny Dick, you wanna hit?

Mac, the word around

this high school

is that you have the finest

kush in all the land.

Hook me up, Mac,

I know you got it.

I am prepared to

pay you in chain mail,

a quiver of arrows, three

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