Mad Dog and Glory

- Yo, fellas, what's up?

- Same old, same old.

I got eight balls, I got redi-rocks,

I got jumbos.

- Sh*t, I even got starter kits.

- Jumbos. Two 20s.

Two 20s be 40.

Can you break this?

I ain't no cash machine.

You laughing at me?

Naw, brother,

I'm just sayin'...

You laugh at this?

Yo, wait. Wait!

Get the sh*t.

Get the roll.

Motherf***er's so dead.

Dead all over.

Oh, yeah?

You dead too.

I tell ya, Grandpa...

this lot was full of used cars

this afternoon.

Crime scenes. Detective Pavletz.

How ya doin', Sarge?

Hold on.

Okay.

Black male.

DOA.

In car.

Intersection.

Hubbard...

and Leavitt.

Apparent gunshot victim.

What's apparent, Sarge?

Huge...

f***in' bullet holes...

in head...

and chest.

Good enough.

All right.

Yo, Mad Dog, you're up.

Ass end of the south side, right?

No, you got a male dead man

in the 14th district. You'll find it.

Indoors or outdoors?

In a car.

- Yo, Mike, you're up.

- Five more minutes, Ma.

Hey, Mad Dog, you know

what I want for Christmas?

Sixteen vestal virgins.

Fix your collar.

That head-in-the-garbage-can

job last night?

I told the coroner,

"Just bring a bowling ball bag."

Mad Dog, I tell you this too,

'cause your partner here is brain dead.

Pick me up some Twinkies.

There should be a little mini-mart open

a couple of blocks from the scene.

Twinkies? It's 2:00 in the morning,

you fat f***.

Twinkies. And get a banana

for your monkey here.

A green one.

Hey, Mad Dog.

Just your basic

dead sh*t skin.

Nobody's been in the car, right?

Everything's nice and cherry?

Hey, absolutely.

Yo!

Brother...

you f***ed up.

The doer might be in the crowd.

Think you can get me a group portrait?

Yeah.

Let's do the street.

From the direction

of the blood on the window...

I'd say your victim

got whacked here...

and your shooter was sitting

in the front passenger seat there.

You got a lot of blood

in the doorwell...

so the door had to be open

at the time.

Maybe he slipped in

for a quick sale...

and the deal went sour

or it was rip-off time and ba-boom.

You see that scorch mark

over the temple there?

Yeah.

The muzzle couldn't have been

more than two, three inches away.

But you see this?

Your blow-back shot a good two feet.

So your shooter's arm's

gotta be covered with blood.

I can tell you more

when we pull him out.

- This blow-back too?

- Where?

Over there on the window.

No, there's no blood on the headrest.

Blow-back don't leap over things.

That's somebody else.

We got a crowbar somewheres?

Hey, it's a doubleheader.

I'll be right back.

You're killing him, Mad Dog.

Get him some melba toast.

Mike, do me a favor.

My name's Wayne.

That old black magic

has me in its spell

That old black magic

that you weave so well

Those icy fingers

up and down my spine

That same old witchcraft

when your eyes meet mine

- You got any Twinkies?

- No.

How about melba toast?

What the hell's melba toast, right?

What's that?

A dollar.

A dollar?

What is this, a hotel lobby?

Fifty cents.

Jesus, don't shoot him. Please.

Let me tell you, there's a crime scene

right down the block.

You shoot, they'll hear.

Please, you want the money?

Just take it. Go out the back.

Did you take it yet?

- Jesus Christ.

- Shut up.

You want the money?

You smoke?

What do you smoke?

Take some cartons here.

- Would you like some candy?

- Do you like candy?

Why don't you give him

a f***ing back rub while you're at it?

I said shut up!

Please, go out the back.

You gotta go quiet.

You can make it.

You gotta go now, though.

Call him a cab.

Get the f*** up.

Please.

Do you like Rice-A-Roni?

How about a nice Diet Sprite?

They'll hear it.

They're right down the block.

You f***er!

You all right?

F*** off.

Call 911.

Say "police officer needs assistance."

You're a cop?

Just do it.

Tell 'em where your store is.

This ain't my store.

It's his store.

Just do it.

Down and down I go

round and round I go

In a spin

lovin'the spin I'm in

That old black magic

called love

Jesus.

- You okay?

- Yeah.

What's up?

Thanks, Wayne.

Do you want

a cup of coffee or something?

Naw, I'll go through the roof.

How about a shot of something?

Lt'll help you sleep.

I better just flop.

Well, sweet dreams.

Yeah, thanks.

You too.

Old black magic

has me in its spell

Old black magic

that you weave so well

Those icy fingers

up and down my spine

The same old witchcraft

when your eyes meet mine

That's the first time

I've pulled out my gun in 15 years.

I pissed on myself.

You know why?

Because you're a sensitive,

intelligent individual

You ever piss on yourself?

I would've walked in there and drilled

the red-eyed little bastard...

but that's just the way I am.

But if I ever had

an intelligent thought...

it would die of loneliness.

It all evens out.

You know what I mean?

Let me tell you something.

Next time that happens,

you're that scared...

the best thing is sex.

You're all adrenalized.

You'll go off like a rocket.

Just give me a break, will you?

If I was you last night,

I would have been on the horn...

with every broad I knew

who wasn't related to me by blood.

Wayne, on me.

Just a pinch in here.

Thanks, Tom.

They get the guy?

They know who he is.

He ain't going nowhere. They never do.

They know who he is.

He ain't going nowhere. They never do.

Now here's a guy

with one abiding principle in his life.

To always refuse to testify...

on the grounds that it may

tend to incriminate him.

Jesus.

Chivas and milk.

Put that on my tab, Tommy.

You ready? Let's go.

No, I'm off tonight.

You got somethin' on?

Naw, I just...

I'll play it by ear.

That was balls up

what you did last night.

Don't kid yourself.

Thanks, Tom.

I'll call you later.

Are you Wayne?

Who are you?

Harold.

I was over to your apartment.

You weren't there.

I work for my boss...

and he asked me to find you

to invite you to this thing tonight.

It's free with this.

The Comic-Cazie Club.

You also get a free drink.

Who's your boss?

He said not to say...

but that you know him,

and he'd really like to talk to you.

Don't worry,

it's not a bad thing.

It's a good thing.

Who is he, Harold?

It don't start

till about 10:
00, 10:30...

but I can come by later

and pick you up if you want.

No, thanks. I'll pass.

That other cop?

Your friend?

He's very sarcastic.

Hold it.

Don't move.

Don't even breathe.

Call it in, Fredo.

Now, Fredo.

Nice place, huh?

Give him a coffee and cognac.

Comin' up.

Show her your comp.

- Decaf, please.

- Right.

Who's your boss?

That's decaf, right?

I'm sorry.

Can't you use

a clean napkin or something?

- Okay?

- No problem.

Take it with you.

You're wastin' time.

You notice that all nightclub singers

do this when they come out?

They'll give you

this move, right?

Everything's gonna be okay

As soon as I get my neck fixed

Now, from Melrose Park...

the land of razor-cut hair...

I.D. Bracelets,

and velour car interiors.

The comedy stylings of Frank Milo,

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