Madea Goes to Jail Page #2

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I am living for the Lord.

- Since when?

- I am living for the Lord.

I am living for the Lord.

Hallelujah. I feel him down in my spirit.

You know, as I think

about the goodness of Jesus...

...and all that he has done for me...

...my soul cries out,

"Hallelujah, thank God for saving me. "

You finished?

I don't believe that no more than

I believe you will stay out of trouble.

- Your Honor, judge-

- Save it. I saw the video.

And I told you that if she came back

before me again, she was going to jail.

She's going to jail.

You're a lawyer.

You're supposed to be getting me off.

You're weak-ass.

I gotta get me a real lawyer.

Matt Johnson or somebody.

You weak-ass lawyer.

- Good Lord.

- Your Honor, there's something...

- ... you need to understand.

- There's nothing you can do.

- She is going to jail this time.

- I don't know about that.

- And why not?

- Our officers forgot to Mirandize her.

I was waiting for Miranda to come in

and nobody came in.

That's right. Ain't nobody Miranda me.

Miranda wasn't in the room.

Excuse me?

We were fighting for our lives.

You forgot to Mirandize her?

That old woman got the strength

of any man.

I've got to let you go.

You gotta let me go.

- As much as I hate it, I have to.

- Yes, you do.

But I'm gonna suspend

your driver's license indefinitely.

Gonna suspend my license?

My license been suspended.

Hell, you ain't doing nothing.

I ain't had a license for 38 years.

She's gonna suspend my license.

What's that gonna do? I got keys.

I'm gonna order you

to anger management counseling.

She'll take it. Thank you.

We appreciate it.

Go see the clerk. Get the paperwork

done and get her out of my courtroom.

- You're free.

- Free? Look at my neck.

- Hold on. Did you see my eyes?

- Saw your eyes, saw that face too.

You're tore the hell up. I'm free to go.

I know you wish you was going home,

but I'm going home. I'm going home.

Calm down, officer. It's your fault.

You forgot to Mirandize her.

- This is ridiculous.

- Take care, judge.

I love you, but I got to go.

But the saving grace is...

...she couldn't stay out of trouble

if you paid her. She'll be back.

Hey, Joshua.

Hey.

Hey, Ellen.

- Who's this?

- This is Mindy.

Mindy.

Wait in the car, baby.

She's only 14, Josh.

Pimp found her in the bus station,

put her in the streets.

- Well, I'm glad you found her.

- Thank God.

Ellen, I-

I gotta tell you, I think the job

that you're doing with these girls...

...is great.

- Just trying to do the work of my Lord.

- Well, I know you make him proud.

- Well, thanks again.

- All right.

Hey, Ellen. Wait.

I want you to meet somebody. Candy.

This is Ellen Holmes.

She's a minister and she-

- She helps get girls off the street.

- Hi.

Hey.

Here is my card if you need anything.

Do I look like I'm on the streets to you?

No, but you look like

you work in the streets.

You know what, I ain't got no time

for no Jesus jokers.

Fine. Then I ain't got time

for you either, sucker.

See you later, Joshua.

What kind of minister is that?

I know, I know.

She's the real deal though.

So you bailed me out?

Yeah.

Where you wanna do this?

We can go to your car, to your house.

- I'm not tripping.

- What are you talking about?

You bailed me out.

You want something.

- Do you think I want sex from you?

- Well, what you want then?

What about, you know, how you been?

How are you doing?

No man asking a woman how she

doing unless you want something

So, what is it?

What do you want from me, Josh?

Okay. What are you doing

out here on these streets, Candy?

How about you don't worry about that?

I gotta go. I ain't got time-

Candy, hold on. Hold on. Just-

All right. Let me take you

to get something to eat.

You hungry?

Come on.

Please?

- The Lord is so good.

- Yes, he is.

He is so good, he delivered

your mama out of the belly of that jail.

- Yes, he did.

- Yes.

We're going to Church

Sunday, huh, Madea?

I ain't going to no church.

Now, hold up. Wait a minute.

Let me put some church in it.

You said

if the Lord got you through this...

...you was going by the church.

That's just what I'm gonna do.

I'm going by the church.

- So when you coming?

- We just did.

I said I would go by the church.

We just passed by one.

Hallelujah. Saint Philip.

Hail Mary full of grace

and all you people.

God bless you.

All you people. Hello.

Oh, Mabel, the Lord is just so mad-

You just make the Lord mad.

Bow your head. Let's pray for her.

Cora, bow your head.

Brian, bow your head.

- Mr. Brown, I'm driving.

- Yeah.

The Lord can watch the wheels.

Bow your head.

Mabel, you bow your head.

Brown, if you don't shut the hell up

and-

Bow your head

and put your head in your lap...

...and smother yourself.

Bow your head.

Lord, don't send Madea to hell.

Just give her a little house

right outside the gates of heaven...

...so she can watch all of us go in.

Amen.

- Amen.

- Amen.

But, Madea, you can't make those type

of promises and break them.

- Cora.

- Yes?

- Do me a favor.

- Yes, ma'am.

Put the shut to the up, okay?

The shut to the up.

Mad- Cora, don't you worry.

Just let it go.

When she gets in trouble,

she'll come running to the church.

Madea ain't gonna get in no more

trouble. I ain't gonna have that.

Between you and my daddy,

that's enough.

You ain't getting in trouble.

You got off easy this time.

The hell you talking to? I'm grown.

I am grown, okay, Brian?

You don't tell me nothing. I'm grown.

I ain't got-

I wasn't in trouble that time.

- I don't- You don't tell me nothing.

- Madea.

I was reading this pamphlet from

the courts about anger management.

It says as women get older...

...our bodies don't produce

as many hormones as it needs...

...to stay calm and have stable moods.

But you going to see this doctor

is gonna be real good for you.

I'm not going to no angry manager,

Cora.

What the hell you bring them

down here for?

Why are you yelling at me?

They wanted to come.

What was I supposed to do?

Mr. Brown jumped in the car.

You was happy to see us

when you wanted prayer.

- That's right.

- You need to see one of them doctors.

They gave me one of them,

what they say, Brian?

Coca- Colostomy.

- You had a colonoscopy, Mr. Brown.

- Colostomy?

Same thing.

I thought that fool said Coca-Cola.

Making me thirsty for good old Coke.

Now, Mabel, when we get old,

we gotta keep ourselves checked.

Now, you know,

they checked my prostate.

Mabel, you need

to get your prostate checked too.

Women don't have a prostate,

Mr. Brown.

Cora, I'm telling you,

Madea got a prostate.

You know there's more

where that came from.

- Why you bail me out of jail?

- Because you're a friend.

I don't understand why you-

Why you have to do this.

You was a- You were a smart girl.

You used to get straight A's.

You remember?

- What?

- You really have tricked yourself...

...into believing

that night ain't ever happened.

Well, Josh, it did happen.

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