Madly in Love

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Alitalia flight 1700,

arrival from St. Tulipe.

Here they are!

In representation of the city of Rome

I hereby welcome...

...the king and the queen

of St. Tulipe Principality

His Majesty Gustave VI, his spouse

Betsy and the princess Cristina.

There`s nothing more appropriate

of a poem from the great poet Carducci...

...to express our elation

for this very pleasant visit of yours!

"O immane statua bronzea,

su dirupato monte..."

"...solo i grandi t'aggiungono..."

Here they come!

Is it true that you need 50 billions

to prevent bankruptcy?

- Are you here to ask for a loan?

- "No comment!"

Go away!

- Is it the first time

you visit Rome? - Yes.

- Are you excited?

- Yes. very much.

- Are you going to visit Rome?

- Yes, the monuments, the Pincio..

...San Peter, the Roman "hole"...

- The roman hole?

She meant the Foro Romano.

Please, this way.

MUSIC:

LOUD VOLUME:

Barnaba, do you have a cigarette?

Give me a cigarette, then.

How weird! He says yes

but he doesn`t give me a cigarette!

Goodmorning, Barnaba. You entered

the elevator because I was in.

But you know that I am married

and got two kids.

I am not like the other women

in the neighbourhood.

But you think that being alone

in the elevator...

...I will kiss you.

You are smart with women!

Goodmorning, Barnaba.

Later on I will clean your flat.

The garage`s keys.

ENGINE:

Hi, mates! I am late

so tonight I am off earlier!

Goodmorning, the driver of nr 29

welcomes you all on board.

Next stops are:

Piazza Verdi, Via Nomentana.

Outside temperature is

The arrival to next stop

is scheduled in 1 minute 40 sec.

Just ring the bell if you

want coffee or tea. I will treat you.

Thanks, Barnaba!

- When Barnaba drives, taking

the bus is a pleasure. - That`s true.

- Goodbye, Barnaba!

- Bye, Barnaba!

ATAC is happy to have hosted you all.

Please don`t forget

personal stuff and hand luggage.

Bye, Barnaba.

- Bye, Angela.

- Are we going to the movies tonight?

- I can`t, I am going out with Loredana.

- What about tomorrow?

- With Elvira. Are you free

on monday at 5? - Sure.

What a shame! I am busy.

Shall we do at 6?

- To me is fine.

- To you. - And to you?

- To me too.

- Then at 6. Bye.

TELEPHONE RING:

Hello? May I talk to the officer

of the german embassy.

Tomorrow at 9 His Majesty will meet

the governor of the Central Bank.

"Wow!"

Check that way.

- When are you leaving? - On time,

in 3 minutes and 24 seconds.

- Can`t you leave now?

- Why such hurry?

- Here is full of "cocoriti".

- What?

- Those who annoy foreign women.

- The parrots!

I am in a hurry.

Well, are you leaving?

- Ok. Where are we going?

- I would like to see Rome.

- Where do we begin?

- Are you going to Trevi`s Fountain?

We can go.

- Is this the way you curve?

- Only in curves.

- Don`t you look at the road?

- I can see it reflecting in your eyes.

- Really?

- Sure, try to close them.

NOISE:

See?

Oh!

- See what you have done?

- I closed my eyes.

She closes her eyes and you crash?

Look at this.

You should pay attention!

I`ll need 50.000 liras

to fix it!

Take this.

- They are 70.000.

- I`ll pay your lunch. - Why?

(whispering)

Something great happened.

- What did it happen?

- I fell in love.

- Of me?

- No, of her.

- Why are you whispering?

- She doesn`t know that.

- Shall I tell her?

- No, you`re too ugly. Bye.

We`ve arrived,

this is Trevi`s Fountain.

- It`s beautiful!

- You are beautiful. - Thanks.

If you wish to come back to Rome, devi gettare

you must throw a coin in the fountain.

- My name`s Barnaba, and yours?

- Cristina. - That`s a queen`s name.

Are you a queen?

Not yet.

I want to see if what you said

is true.

- Can you change a copax?

- What is it?

A copax.

- That`s gold! How much is it worthy?

- 800.000 liras. Can you change it?

I don`t have coins.

- I`ll throw it, so I come back!

- A golden coin!

- A little coin would have been enough.

- That means I`ll come back often.

- After our honeymoon.

- No kidding. Shall we go?

Do you know what?

I do never joke.

As soon as I saw you,

I decided that we would get married.

- What else do you want to see?

- Many things, but I have no time.

- There`s a lot of traffic here.

- I know a shortcut.

The pics will be out of focus.

Hold on!

Now we drive through via dei Coronari,

the antiquarian`s street.

CLACSON:

- A stronzo! (n.d.r.you ass-hole)

- What does it mean "astronzo"?

It`s a compliment. If you like

somebody you call him "astronzo".

This is the Foro Romano.

- Today is thursday, the Foro is closed.

- Are you sure it`s thursday? - Yes.

Look at the calendar.

You`re right! It`s not thursday.

If you meet a policeman

"Water your mouth". (ndr mum`s word)

If we see a policeman

we must drink?

- Drink?

- He said "water your mouth".

That`s a saying. Can you talk

if you have water in your mouth?

- Too bad! Are there no "demostene"?.

- Who?

- A guide.

- Un cicero!

I will be your cicero.

I know Rome`s history.

What is this?

- Can you see it?

- What is it?

It`s a plow. Can`t you hear the oxen?

MOO:

Etruscan oxen.

Romolo is plowing.

But his brother Remo told him...

..."Why don`t we call this town

Amor?"

"No", Romolo said, as

he always contradicted him...

..."We`ll call it Roma

and nobody can enter here."

But Remo, being distracted,

put his foot in a groove.

Then Romolo attacked him

and they had a terrible fight.

Don`t do this, Remo!

What a pain!

Whose arm is that?

When I fight with myself,

I am terrible.

Then Romolo said:

"We don`t have anymore girls".

He took the chariot and left.

WHINNY:

WHIP:

Barnaba? I can`t see you anymore.

Barnaba, where are you?

- Here I am!

- What are you doing?

The rape of the Sabine women.The Romans

and the Sabine fell in love at first sight.

But I am not a sabine.

And I am not a roman.

Keep on telling the story.

What happened then?

There were the seven kings of Rome,

who were seven like the hills.

They said:
"Why fighting?"

And they got one hill each.

So the Romans marched

at roman pace...

...they arrived in France

at french pace...

...and in Spain at spanish pace.

But they met some brawny fellows...

...with such a beard.

No, such.

No, such.

And said:
"What a bear!"

They were dressed in a barbarian way.

The barbarians, with the beard.

The head of barbarians said:

"Ehi, bear..."

"...what are the Romans doing?"

"They lay down

and eat grapes with one hand."

"And with the other one?"

"They touch the women slaves."

"Don`t laugh! And with the other one?"

"They play zither."

"And with the other one?"

"They drink wine."

"All their hands are occupied?"

"All of them."

"Let`s go."

So they crossed the Alps

and they destroyed the Roman Empire.

- See the empires? Just kick them

- Wow! Let`s go.

HONKING:

- Tank it up? - Yes, 2.000.

- 2.000 litres? - 2.000 liras.

The bigger their cars

the more churlish they are.

- Where do you come from?

- From a land in central Europe.

- You can`t find it even on the globe.

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