Major Deal

---

1

- Mike?

Mike!

Mike!

Did you hear

anything I just said?

- Nah.

- I told you you're fired.

- Fired?

Fired for what?

- Great!

Thank you so much!

- You're very welcome.

- I'm so starving,

and you know what?

You have a nice day.

What the f***?

Oh this Hennessy

right here man.

'cause I'm gone off the

Henny gone off the Henny

gone off the Henny

gone off the Henny

take this Hennessy dick

she want the Hennessy dick

Get the f*** out!

- Oh, come on! Don't

do me like that.

Going to my 10:
00!

- I told you, if we

received another complaint,

We're gonna have to let you go.

- Man, f*** you!

And f*** this job!

When I blow up,

Im'a have a hot 16 for your ass.

Take this f***ing shirt.

- Okay.

- Can I have my

last check though?

Give me my goddamn check.

F*** you!

F*** you.

Hey what's-?

- Like I was saying,

You could come over

later if you want to.

- Daddy!

- Oh my baby girl!

Ooh! Simba!

What's up?

- Are you gonna let

me on your mixtape?

- What you gonna do?

- I got bars.

- Ooh, well let me hear them.

I can rap, just like my dad

I make you smile

you won't be sad

Ooh! I gotta put you

in the studio asap!

- Can I go today, daddy?

- Not today, but if

you keep working,

You'll be the new Nicki Minaj.

- can you make a rap about me?

- Of course! Give me a beat!

If you love her then

you's a friend to me

and if you don't

then you's a hater

I'll pull out my chopper

then I

- Don't nobody wanna

hear them weak ass bars.

- Them bars are weak as f***!

- Now what'd I tell y'all

about cursing in front of her?

- F*** you nigga.

You don't tell me sh*t.

- You don't tell her sh*t, okay?

She is an independent woman.

I-n-d-e-p-e-e-e-e-n?

E-I-n

- damn girl.

- It don't matter,

she got her own.

- All right, look baby.

Go to your room and

play and daddy'll say

Bye to you before

he leave, okay?

- Okay.

- Okay.

Go head.

- What are you doing

over here anyway?

- Man what are you

doing over here anyway?

Don't you got

somewhere you live?

I ain't gotta explain to you.

I can be here

whenever I want to.

She is my best

friend so f*** you.

- Yeah and where

is my raggedy $200?

- I ain't got it.

- haha you ain't got it.

Of course you ain't got

it 'cause you broke.

Just another rapper,

rapping about sh*t

He don't have, like money.

- And you better

not been spending my

Child support money on

your weak ass rap career.

- Nah I got fired.

- Again, mike?

For real?

Your dumb ass was probably

somewhere trying to perform

Your weak ass bars to somebody

in their they living room.

Are you serious?

You really did that?

You really thought

that was okay to do?

- Man you ain't gonna say

nothing when I blow up though.

- But you not gon' blow up.

You almost 30 now

still trying to pop.

- 2chainz was 34 when

he finally popped.

- But you ain't 2chainz.

- But I...

- But, but, but,

but, but my ass!

I'm about to put your

ass on the state.

- Boop!

- Come on, don't

do me like that.

- I told you you

shoulda have been

F***ing with drug

dealers or scammers.

At least them niggas

got real bread.

I mean they may have to do a bid

But before that you'll

be stunting b*tch!

- Mike why don't

you just take that

Call center job I was

telling you about?

I could hook you up.

- Yes ma'am, could you just

give me your expiration date?

I could finally

close my first deal.

Oh yes ma'am I...

Hello? Hello? Hello?

- Morning mike.

- how you doing, sir?

- Did you catch the big game?

- Boy did I?

That boy Thompson's

a big galoot.

You beat me by half a

point on fantasy football.

Oh shucks!

- I just knew I'd get ya!

- That you did, sir

- Hey, listen.

I'm gonna need you to

come in this weekend.

I need someone to

file the lob reports

Before the audit on Monday.

- Oh sheesh.

I was planning on going

hiking this weekend sir.

This is the seventh

weekend in a row

You've put me on the schedule.

Gee Willikers, why me sir?

- Because you're a b*tch mike.

- That I am sir!

Oh, what the hay!

Anything for the team.

Nah, I'm good, I'm

good, I'm good.

- Um then how am I

supposed to get my money?

I'm not playing with you mike.

You need to get a real job.

- All right look

If I don't sign a major

deal by my 30th birthday

I'll quit rapping and

I'll get a regular job.

- You'll be 30 in

a couple of days.

Don't nobody wanna hear no

30-year-old rapper boo-boo.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

You should take this bet

'cause he got just as much

of a chance at getting signed

As Tyga does winning

album of the year.

- Damn.

- Okay. I like that.

All right mike, if you don't

get signed by your birthday,

You have to give up

all these ideas of

Wanting to be a rapper

And go work at the call center.

- Wait, wait, wait, I

ain't say the call center.

- Okay that's fine.

I'll just put you

on the state then.

- Bloop!

- Fine.

- You always been a

dreaming ass nigga.

- And you a f***ing nightmare.

- What?

- Nothing, nothing.

Why you so confrontational?

- Mmm-hmm, I thought so.

Go say bye to Kennedy

And then get your

sorry ass out my house

'cause I'm expecting company.

- Hey, hey, hey,

better not be no niggas

Around my daughter, I know that!

- Oh it's gon' be a real

nigga around your daughter

For the first time

in her life ever.

- Man where's your real nigga?

Matter fact where's any nigga?

Get the f*** out of my face

you bald-headed ass b*tch.

F***ing peacock built ass b*tch.

That ain't no f***ing

Malaysian hair

That's German Sheppard.

Yeah I know.

- Boy bye!

- yeah I thought so.

- Come on girl

don't listen to him.

- Get your ass on.

Kennedy come say bye to daddy.

Ooh ah.

- You're leaving already?

- Yeah daddy gotta

go to the studio

But look, if you see

any strange men around,

They ain't your uncle.

So you tell daddy asap okay?

- Okay.

- All right give me some.

Mm, mm, mm, pppsshh!

All right go play okay?

- Okay.

- okay.

- Man f***!

- Bruh you ready?

- You got something for me?

- Aye man this beat right here

gon' get you all the hoes.

- All the hoes?

- Let's go I got something

written up right now boy.

You know boogie

you a real nigga

- Hah!

Mike massacre I'm

definitely a real nigga

- Brrah!

Real nigga we gotta

have like a anthem

somethin' that when we get

in the club niggas be like

this song is for us

and mike massacre

gon' give it to ya

- Hey!

I'm a real nigga

I'm a I'm a real nigga

I'm a real nigga I'm

a, I'm a real nigga

I'm a real nigga

I'm a I'm a real nigga

I'm a real nigga

I'm a I'm a real nigga

I'm a real nigga

I'm a I'm a real nigga

I'm a real nigga

I'm a I'm a real nigga

I'm a real nigga

I'm a I'm a real nigga

when you see me in the

streets you know I'm real

ain't nothing 'bout me

plastic ain't nothing Mattel

I'm a real nigga dog

like a muhfuckin' g

ain't no fake

wrestling ain't no w-w-e

I'm real boss

like Vince McMahon

aloe blacc lil

b*tch I'm the man

I'm the I'm the

man what's up

- No nigga no.

- Aye I'm killing it what's up?

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