Major League Page #3

You guys go ahead.

Oh, well, okay. Let's...

- Let's all bow our heads.

- Excuse me. I'll be in my office.

Dear Heavenly Father,

we humbly pray that you will guide...

Jesus Christ, Cerrano.

Have to wake up bats.

Okay. Sh*t, can we try this again?

Dear God, we humbly pray

that you will guide and protect us

as we gird up our loins

to take the field of battle.

Lead us all into victory

in the name of Jesus...

Christ.

- Way to go, Cerrano.

- God damn it.

- Jesus.

- Let's go. Go.

Hello again, everybody.

Harry Doyle here, welcoming all you

friends of the feather

to another season of Indians baseball.

A lot of new faces in Chief Wahoo's

tribe this year

as they take on the defending

American League champs,

the New York Yankees.

And hopefully, we'll have some

of the names that go with those faces

before their first at-bat.

Anyway, listen to the roar of the crowd

as the Indians take the field.

Yes, sir,

they love this club here in Cleveland.

Just a reminder, fans,

about Die Hard Night

coming up here at the stadium.

Free admission to anyone

who was actually alive

the last time the Indians won a pennant.

Here's to the thrill of defeat, Charlie.

Keltner delivers. Here's a swing,

and a high fly ball to center field.

Hayes under it.

Hey. Makes a basket catch,

Willie Mays style.

And the side is retired.

All right. Way to look out there. Great.

Nice catch, Hayes.

Don't ever f***ing do it again.

- All right. Let's go! Let's get it going!

- Let's go.

Bottom of the first,

and Willie Mays Hayes

to lead it off for the wigwammers.

A lot of people say you can tell

how the season's gonna go

by the first hitter of the year.

Brewster into the wind,

and comes to the plate.

Oops!

Hey! Here's a hot shot toward the hole.

Rudiya knocks it down, fires to first.

Late! Hayes beat it!

Hey, give Rudiya credit

for sacrificing his body on that racket.

That guy's got a family to think about.

So, Hayes becomes

the first Indian in 15 years

to lead off the season with a hit.

Really knocked the crap out of that one.

Oh, I plan to get

at least a double out of this.

I bought 100 of these,

one for every base I'm gonna steal.

Sh*t.

Well, maybe things will turn around

a little for the Indians this year.

Now batting, number seven,

catcher Jake Taylor.

Excuse me. Gotta take my first step

toward the Hall of Fame.

My ass.

We don't know where Hayes

played last year,

but I'm sure he did a hell of a job.

Brewster ready from the stretch.

Hayes with a good lead.

You look real sharp,

but it's hard to steal second base

with your shoe untied.

Quick move to first. He got him!

Hayes is picked off.

Well, so much for that.

Personally, I think we got hosed

on that call.

Nice going. Don't bounce the damn ball.

Nice throw, d*ckhead.

Strike.

Son of a b*tch!

Coming through! I...

Oh, sh*t!

Top of the sixth, and rookie sensation

Ricky Vaughn on the pitch now.

You can close the book on Keltner.

Thank God.

Relax, rookie.

We're only four runs down.

We're still in this game.

You take it to 'em.

- Let's go.

- All right.

Look, man, a guy gets to second,

first sign indicator.

Vaughn, a juvenile delinquent

in the off-season,

in his major league debut.

I'm gonna light your ass up, meat.

Vaughn into the wind-up

in his first offering.

Just a bit outside.

He tried the corner and missed.

Ball four. Ball eight.

Low, and Vaughn has walked

the bases loaded

on 12 straight pitches.

Boy, how can these guys

lay off pitches that close?

F***!

Wild thing

You make my heart sing

You walk everything

Taylor, what are you doing

back up here?

I couldn't cut it in the Mexican League.

How's your wife and my kids?

Vaughn in deep trouble here

with Clue Haywood,

last year's American League

home-run champ at the plate.

Vaughn kicks, fires.

Here is a swing, and a drive

toward left field, and deep. Oh, boy.

No way. No way. Too high. Too high.

It is gone off the reservation.

A grand-slam home run for Haywood.

Looked like a strike, anyway.

Where are you going?

"Too high"?

What does that mean, "too high"?

Too high, I thought.

So, Vaughn is off to a rocky start,

as Haywood clears the bases

with one swing.

Not "too high," "too hard," right?

- At first, it was really high.

- Who gives a sh*t? It's gone.

- Want me to go get him?

- Nah. Let's see how he reacts.

Well, Brown, apparently,

is going to stay with Vaughn here,

as the Indians trail now,

eight to nothing.

Coleman steps in. A .281 lifetime hitter.

Taylor with a sign,

Vaughn into his motion, and the pitch.

Uh-oh!

Interesting.

About time, it's eight-nothing.

You! You're gone!

- What?

- You heard me, you're gone!

He was right on top of the plate.

Get him out of here!

He's horse sh*t.

I think you can go get him now.

The ball slipped out of my hand.

It was an accident.

You threw at him intentionally.

- Kiss my ass.

- You're gone.

- You're full of sh*t! F*** you!

- Get out of here, rookie!

Why don't you blow me, ump?

You're gone!

All right, Coleman, take it easy.

Accidents will happen.

You show a lot of heart

shaking it off like this.

F*** you, Taylor.

- He done hurt him, hurt himself!

- Come on!

Don't even think about it, Coleman.

The f***ing wall, you pansy!

Hard and high.

They succeeded at getting the object

that they were trying to establish.

Because of the trajectory of the ball,

it looked way too high.

So, a tough start for the Erie warriors,

as they drop a heartbreaker

to the Yankees, nine to nothing.

Post-game show is brought to you by...

Christ, I can't find it. The hell with it.

Hello. Cuyahoga Sheet Metal.

Yeah, you wouldn't happen to have

someone working there

named Lynn Westland, would you?

Nah, nobody here by that name.

Didn't think so.

Jake, you shouldn't have come here.

I was wondering

why you'd give an old friend

a bum phone number.

- Let's talk in my office, okay?

- I don't wanna talk in your office.

I told you, I don't think it's a good idea

that we see each other.

Why not?

Because we don't have

anything in common.

Sometimes I wonder if we ever did.

What are you talking about?

We were both athletes, world-class,

hot for each other.

What more could we have in common?

I stopped being an athlete

three years ago, Jake.

Books are my life now.

Don't you dare laugh.

In two years, I put together

one of the best special collection

departments in the country.

What is this? You're still sore

I never read Moby Dick?

You never read anything I asked you to.

All right, I'll check it out now.

Is this the whale section?

I'll bet what's-his-name at the restaurant

read it.

Tom. His name's Tom,

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