Major League II

Hello, everybody!

Harry Doyle here

welcoming

all you Wahoo maniacs

to theyear's

first session of Tribe Talk.

As you know,

the Indians had

a Cinderella season last year.

Despite the fact

that toxic owner Rachel Phelps

wanted the team to lose

so she could move it to Florida,

the Indians won

the American League East

for the first time

since divisional play began.

Rachel's gone now,

thank God,

having sold the team

to retired Indian third baseman

Roger Dorn,

after a long, hard-fought

series of negotiations.

I might be willing

to go as high as 100.

120? You just

started at 110.

Rachel,

this isn't fair.

We'll take it.

Oh, you're good, Dorn.

Even with Dorn

in the owner's box,

the Indians

are solid favorites

to repeat in the East

and go all the way

to the World Series.

And why not?

Look at the lineup

we have coming back.

First of all,

the Cuban Crusher,

the voodoo man

with the bad attitude,

Pedro Cerrano.

Even though his training methods

were a little unusual,

Pedro finished

in the top five

in homers, RBIs,

slugging percentage,

and total baldness.

Also back

is center fielder

Willie Mays Hayes,

who came out of nowhere

to lead the league

in great catches

and stolen bases.

We're told he starred in an action movie

during the off-season,

where he not only

did his own stunts,

but even his own acting,

and don't forget catcher

and team leader

Jake Taylor.

Despite chronic knee problems,

he had a fine season,

and beat out the bunt

that drove in the run

that won

the division title.

And finally, one of

the brightest young stars

in the game today-

Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn.

Vaughn began the season

in the uniform

of the California Penal League

and had some control problems

early on.

But with the help

of a pair of black horn-rims,

he went on

to set a major league record

for strikeouts

in one season

by an ex-car thief.

All in all, things couldn't be

looking better for the Tribe.

Guys! Guys!

We signed Jack Parkman!

- Parkman? - We signed

Parkman! - Alright!

- Hey, you can add 42 homers to our lineup.

- At least.

Guys, this is theyear

we go all the way.

All the way!

All the way! All the way!

All the way!

All the way! All the way!

Listen. Sounds like a Harley.

It's got to be him.

Wild thing

You make my heart sing

False alarm.

Whoa. Look at that.

Hi, gang.

How's it going?

Appreciate you all coming out.

Good to see you.

Yeah. Nice outfits.

Those haircuts are cute.

Benny, I thought

you were still in jail.

I escaped.

That-a-boy.

What do you say, big guy?

See you in the show

some day.

Cute? Say it ain't so, Rick.

Yeah, right.

Ahh.

Jake, how you doing?

Fine.

Good to see you again, Lou.

How's the leg?

Good. Good.

Feel like a kid

again, Skip.

Good. There's a rookie in camp

I'm gonna need your help

with for a couple of weeks. Baker!

Jake, this here

is Rube Baker.

I want you to help him

with a little problem he has.

Alright.

Mr. Taylor, uh, ooh!

I- I knew you know

from which you speak.

I'm sure you can help me

with my problem,

which I'm bound to beat,

because there ain't no odds

against being yourself

no matterwhat

the percentages are.

Let me ask you

something, uh, Rube?

I bet you're wondering

how I get the nickname Rube.

No, I got a pretty good idea

how that happened.

What exactly

is your problem?

Well, uh...

Hell, that's the biggest

damn car I ever saw.

Everything I do

Got to be funky

Everything I do

People, now

Got to be funky

Honey, take a picture.

Say,Jake!

Hey, Willie!

If you ain't careful

You just might get

some funk on you

Who are they?

They are

our center fielder.

Oh.

What's up?

Hey, hey, Willie!

What's up?

Hey, welcome back.

Nice little do there.

What, you running

for office?

No, I'm just trying

to clean up my act.

Can't play the street punk

when you're making 7 figures, you know?

Who's that?

It's got to be Parkman,

our new free agent. Nice jacket.

Come on.

Let's check it out.

Say, Parkman,

I just wanted to say

that even though we're competing

for the same position,

I'm glad they signed you.

You're a good ball player.

Cut the crap, Taylor.

I don't like you.

You don't like me.

I just hope you don't blame

your bum knees when I take your job.

You want me

to bean him?

I'll just beat him out

for the job.

"Avoid spraying

toward open flame.

Contents under pressure.

Shake can before use. "

" Press-" What?

Jeez... I-I'm sorry,

Mister... Cerrano.

I, uh, just...

You are forgiven.

I love you all!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Jake.

Lou.

My great and good friends.

How you doing?

You OK, Pedro?

OK?

I free and clear.

Did he say free and queer?

Clear.

Free of anger and hostility that

run Cerrano's life.

Meditation is key.

Five months under

Master Hawa Masasuri.

No more voodoo,

just much peace

and wideness of love.

At one with all.

Whoo! Get up there, baby.

It's beautiful, man.

Ohh...

Awoo!

Fore!

Whoopee.

Hey, Hayes,

what are you doing?

Going deep.

I buffed up this winter.

You needed to to wear

all that jewelry.

Just remember,

you're our lead-off man.

You're paid to get on base,

not try to hit home runs.

Keep the ball

on the ground.

That's enough

for the first day.

After five pitches?

Say, what was that last pitch

you threw me?

I call it

the Eliminator.

It's a combination

screwball/split finger.

You name

your pitches now?

Yeah. Sort of

a marketing thing,

You know,

like Nolan Ryan's Express.

I'm also working on

a forkball/slider combination.

Well, whatever happened

to the boring, old

96-mile-an-hour fastball?

The Terminator?

Whatever.

It'll be there

when I need it.

Jake, I don't want to become

one of these one-year phenoms

who burns himself out

throwing nothing but gas.

I got to start thinking

in terms of a career, not just a season.

You workwith Rube

on his little problem yet?

Now step and throw!

Put it down again.

He looks pretty

sharp to me.

What exactly

is his problem?

Doggone it!

Jeez, Louise!

Uh, Duke...

Rube...

what's going

through your head

just before you throw the ball back

to the pitcher?

I'm thinking,

"I don't want to screw this up. "

What are you thinking

when you throw a strike

to nail a runner

down at second base?

I'm not thinking nothing.

I just throw it.

You see what

I'm getting at?

You want the pitcher to pitch

from second base?

Aw...

Ifwe walk somebody,

this guy's going to

turn it into an inside-the-park

home run.

Yeah. Whoa.

What's this,

your first spring babe, Vaughn?

Who, her? No.

There she is.

Ooh-whee!

Suggie-dug it now.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Hi, baby.

Hey, Flan, how are you?

- Good to see you.

- You, too.

Good news. The General Cereals

people are interested...

The money's gone

to his head.

Yeah.

Let's go take a ride

in my limo.

There it is, man.

Watch this.

Hey.

Unh!

Aah!

Willie Mays Hayes is...

Ha ha ha!

Jesse "The Body" Ventura

is...

Together,

they're taking on the mob.

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