Major League II Page #2

Mine fell

the hardest.

Mine are

the deadest.

These guys

play for keeps.

Coming to a theater

near you.

That spot didn't show

the real dramatic parts,

like where they kill my boa constrictor

and I vow revenge.

Oh.

Hey, you're limping.

A little.

What about you?

Yeah, well, I'm a broken-down,

has-been catcher.

You're our

lead-off man.

I sprained my knee doing a stunt

for the flick.

Ohh.

Don't worry, though.

I'm going to be fine by opening day.

Besides,

I'm a power hitter now.

What do you call

that garbage?

That's the Eliminator.

- The Eliminator?

- I got a new one I'll showya.

If you get a piece of it,

I'll let you name it.

I'd, uh, call it

The Masturbator.

Excellent pitch, man.

Cerrano fool,

but ball and blue sky-

beautiful,

like lonely snowflake.

Just pretend

the pitcher's the second baseman.

Uh!

Aah!

Aah! Oh,Jeez!

Goldarn it to heck!

Shoot.

I couldn't hit sand

if fell off a camel.

Criminelli, they're going

to send me back to Omaha,

and I don't

even live there!

I'm gone.

I'm buzzard bait.

They're gonna cut me.

I know they're

gonna cut me.

Cripes!

Rube, you look at Playboy

all the time, don't you?

No, I don't

just look at it.

I- I read

the articles.

Yeah, sure you do.

I do. I especially like

where they tell you

what the girls'

interests are,

you know, like Betsy loves

surfing, gardening,

and working

on motorcycles.

You memorize them?

Yep, I guess I do.

Bingo.

Huh?

Just do what

I told you, OK?

Could you throw that back

to the pitcher, please?

Thank you.

Louise teaches aerobics

and loves short shorts,

unicorns, and reruns

of Three's Company.

Her favorite sports are...

High!

Air hockey, checkers,

and calf-roping.

Whoo! Yeah!

Wow. Willie's really

got some power.

Off a guywho'll be bagging groceries

in a couple weeks.

Ah! Unh!

Ooh.

It must be tough

to be old.

You're out!

Hey!

- Cool play, man. I love it!

- Huh?

Damn.

One moreyear.

Yes.

Rube, what are

you doing?

Ifthere's a red tag

in there,

that means

I'm outta here, right?

Uh-huh.

There's always nextyear.

Yeah. What the hell.

My momma always said

it's better to eat sh*t

than not eat at all.

In the minor leagues you'll play

every day, and think of all the-

I made the team.

I made the team! We did it!

Pedro,

guess what, man-

I'm on the rooster.

This team has completely

lost its focus.

You think April is too early

for a Roger Dorn night?

Ahh...

Uh, Lou-

Oh, hi, Roger.

I just want to say

I think carrying three catchers

is probably

a good idea.

Hold it a second,

Jake.

Jake, you're a very valuable part

of this organization.

The way you helped that kid

with his problem-

that was, uh, impressive.

Well, he's got some talent.

I guess with a little patience,

he might even become a ball player.

What Dorn's trying

to say,Jake,

is we're not carrying

three catchers.

We'd like you

to stay on as a coach.

We're gonna need you.

You'll make

a great coach,Jake.

Dorn, I'm not a coach,

I'm a ball player.

Why don't you just find

some poor schmuck

with his belly hanging

over his belt

and pastrami sticking

out of his mouth?

I'm done with baseball.

Called everywhere.

Nobody's looking for

a 41-year-old

catcherwith bad knees.

It's not like you don't

have other options.

Alan Bellows wants you

to join his brokerage firm.

And Jack Pursoff

wants me to head up

one of his Pepsi

distributorships.

And you'd be

close to home.

Yeah, and I'd make a hell of a lot

more money than I would as a coach.

So what ifl never made it

to a World Series.

Well, I think it's pretty obvious

what you ought to do.

Uh...

I'll tell Dorn I begged you

to come back.

Thanks, Skip.

Hey.

How you doing?

Hola, how you doing, man?

How you doing?

Alright. Alright.

Alright.

Hi, Flan.

How are you?

I hope you don't mind,

but I've set up a photo op

with an inner-city

youth group.

You mean a gang?

No problem,

I used to be in one.

Actually, I was in four or five.

No, darling.

These are first-time offenders

they're trying

to keep out of gangs.

All you have to do is

pose with one

of the juvenile hall kids

and the education director.

Do we really have

to do this now?

Are you kidding?

It doesn't hurt to show you have

a social conscience,

that you're giving something back

to the community.

You'll be fine.

Hi, Rick.

Nikki, how are you?

Fine.

This is Frankie.

He's one of my students.

He won room inspection five days

in a row to be in this picture.

You could eat prime rib

off my floor.

Way to go, Frankie.

Just a minute, Rick.

He has a problem with his flash.

Is that your new girlfriend?

Yeah. She's also my agent.

Major babe.

Does she like riding

on your Harley?

Is this thing gonna

happen orwhat?

Ready to go.

Don't tell me

you sold the Harley.

Flannery has

been great for me.

I'm not the bum

I used to be.

I kind of liked

the bum you used to be.

OK, that's it.

Thanks a lot.

Great.

Take care, Frankie.

So long, kids.

Bye! See you!

See you, Nikki.

Hey, uh, Rick?

I thought you might

want this back.

You left it

at my apartment.

I don't have much use

for it now, but thanks.

See you, Rick.

So long, Nikki.

Come on.

Alrighty, folks,

I'd have to say my next guest

is about the closest thing

baseball has to a rock star.

Please welcome,

from the Cleveland indians

Rick "The Wild Thing" Vaughn.

Now, let's get

right to it here.

This whole

"Wild Thing" label

that you've been

saddled with

this has led a lot

of people to believe

that, like, you're

borderline scary

like, you're a psycho-guy,

but you seem pretty straight.

Yeah.

So where does this

reputation come from?

From what I've read

you were mixed-up as a kid

with the cops- is that something

you want to talk about?

- No.

- Sure.

I saw this new Corvette.

Took it for a drive.

Just kind of boys-being-boys

kind of thing.

Through four states.

Four states?

That's a lot.

It ended

in a high-speed chase.

Up there around 140

orso.

When I got out of the car,

the cop had a real attitude.

Theywere gonna throw

the book at me

but my cousin dates a judge

in Colorado.

He's a transvestite.

The judge or your cousin?

The judge.

Oh! Um, let's take

a little break.

More with, uh, Rick,

right after this.

It's cool, it's overcast,

and it's foggy...

on opening day

here in Cleveland.

Hello again, everyone.

I'm Harry Doyle

along with my good friend

and partner Monte what's-his-name,

giving a big Wahoo welcome

to all the Cleveland faithful.

It's a brand-new season

and a new team spirit

as novice owner Roger Dorn

has made two very savvy

front-office moves-

acquiring free-agent

sluggerJack Parkman

and announcing

his own retirement,

eliminating a huge hole

at third base.

Hell, no. Not a great spring-

3 and 24.

Sowhat? They had a bad spring.

They did the same

thing lastyear.

The important thing is that Parkman

and Hayes are killing the ball.

Cerrano, he's lying

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