Major Payne Page #5

Charlie was all over the place !

It was just me and my sidearm.

And I had

no other alternative...

but to blast my way out.

"Die, pig ! Die ! You'll never take

Major Benson Winifred Payne alive !"

Bam ! "I saw what you did

to my friend !" Bam !

- Major ! Major ! Major !

- Bam ! Bam ! Bam !

Hello, Miss Walburn.

You just missed

a little bedtime story.

No. I didn't, actually.

In fact, I'd love to talk to you

about that story.

Perhaps over dinner ?

Okay.

Okay. I'll go get ready.

- Me too.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Okay.

All right, good-bye.

To be continued.

When I come back, I'll tell you...

- what Bubba used as a penis.

- Ooh.

Well, ain't you gonna eat ?

I think I'll wait a moment.

My stomach's a little upset.

Them some mighty fine vittles.

Shouldn't let 'em

go to waste.

You know, I think you're really

making some wonderful strides...

with the way you're

dealing with the children.

That was almost

a really good thing...

you tried to do

for Tiger tonight.

May I make a suggestion ?

Proceed.

Well, your story,

while colorful--

was a bit rough.

You mean,

the explosion !

Yes, and the eye-gouging part.

You need to loosen up.

Not everything

can be about war.

What do you

like to do for fun ?

I like to hang upside down

blindfolded,

take my gun apart

and put it back together...

before my nose

starts to bleed.

Oh, that's great !

But is there anything that you like

that doesn't have to do with battle ?

- Like what ?

- Like golf.

Negative.

Do you like the movies ?

Negative.

I don't suppose you dance.

I've been known

to cut a little rug...

in my day.

There's only one place

where we can go

To see freaky girls

doin' shows

Doin' tricks

to make us holler

Ain't you gonna dance ?

Benson.

Not like others

but above the rest

Just do any effect to turn us on

Them girls got it goin' on

Benson.

Nobody does the robot anymore.

Then I guess I gotta dig

further into my repertoire.

- I get hard after seein' you

- Heh-heh-heh.

How hard

Hard like a rock

When you make

that coochie pop

Pop that coochie

Hey, pop that coochie, baby

Pop that coochie

Hey, pop that coochie, baby

Pop that coochie

Pop, Pop that coochie, baby

Pop, pop, pop that coochie

Pop, pop

that coochie, baby

Freaky girls

with plenty of class

Roamin' to the music

and shakin' real fast

Bend over backwards, make me shout

Work that body in and out

- Moving that body

with plenty of action

Bringin' to the man

more satisfaction

Doin' what they did

to turn us out

Just work that body

all the way out

Shake it, don't break it

It took your mama

nine months to make it

Bend over

and spread 'em, girl

Show me those

cultured pearls

Play that butt

and don't you quit

Then blow me

a freaky kiss

Girl, you know

you look so cute

Williams, you take these guys and fan

out the left flank of the school. Go !

Gotcha.

Wuligar. You take these two

and cover the right.

- Got it ?

- Got it. Come on !

Don't move !

Madison is a loser.

Man, get in there.

All right ? And then

his chest cavity exploded.

Boom ! Heh-heh-heh.

You know, that was the first time I ever

drove a man's nose up into his brain,

causin' instant death

and simultaneous bowel evacuation.

But enough about me, woman.

What's your story ?

I'm surprised you ain't dropped

about 12 puppies by now.

- Ain't you never been married ?

Yeah, I was.

What happened ?

You terminate his command ?

No.

Actually, he left.

I wanted children.

He didn't.

Any man that'd leave you

oughta be monkey-stomped...

and have his brains

mailed back to his mother.

Well, thank you, Benson.

How about you ?

Was there ever a Mrs. Payne ?

Negative. I figured if the Marines

wanted me to have a wife,

they'd have issued me one.

Well,

I had a really

nice time tonight, Benson.

Heck, bein' with you is

almost better than cleanin' my gun.

- I got somethin' for you.

- Oh, what is it ?

It's a bullet.

It's somethin' special.

It's from my heart.

Really ? Well,

where'd you get it ?

From my heart.

Left ventricle.

I took it out myself

with a field knife.

And I want you

to have that.

Thank you, Benson.

Good night.

Good night, princess.

Whee-e-e-e, doggie !

What the hell

are you doin' in my office ?

It was a trap.

You set us up.

I mighta made a little

anonymous call.

You didn't think they was

just gonna hand it to you, did ya ?

We got the crap kicked out of us

because of you !

Tonight wasn't

about fair or unfair.

It was about

achievin' your objective.

Did you ?

Did you even

see that trophy ?

Oh, I saw it.

And when you saw it,

did you want it ?

Yeah, to get rid of you.

That's not

what I asked !

Did you want it ?

I wanted it.

- To own it ?

- Yeah.

- Deserve it ?

- Yeah.

- To win it ?

- Oh, yeah.

Then let's win it,

you bruised-up turd !

If you really want it,

I'll show you how to earn it.

Welcome, parents, to Madison School.

For your convenience,

we will be announcing activities

throughout the day,

if they happen.

Hey, Heathcoat,

your parents comin' today ?

Nah, of course not.

- How 'bout you, Williams ?

- What, are you kidding ?

My parents said they'd

come, but they said they got allergies.

What the hell

happened to you ?

Me ? Nothing.

I'm great.

Look at you, though.

Regular little soldier man.

You a hard-ass now ?

What are you

doin' here ?

It's Parents Day,

and I am your legal guardian.

You're drunk.

Don't you walk away

from me.

Oh.

Gimme a little salute.

I'm not gonna salute you.

You salute your superiors.

- Or don't they teach that around here ?

- What superior ?

They kicked you out.

Remember ?

Don't you sass me

like your mother.

You're mine now.

I own you.

And you will respect me.

Now you salute me.

No !

You hit that boy again,

I'm gonna do more than salute you.

- This is between me and my son.

- Stepson.

Whoever he is,

he's on my time now.

Now I'm gonna ask you nicely,

please return to your vehicle.

You go on now.

Go on back

to your bunk, son.

Major Payne, sir.

Yeah.

I wanna

get that trophy, sir.

Come again ?

I wanna

get that trophy, sir.

- What, you want to steal it ?

- No, sir.

- You want to win it ?

- I want to earn it, sir.

The rest of you men

feel the same way ?

Meet me on the parade ground,

We got work to do.

Squad, atten-hut !

What you want

Baby, I got

What you need

You know I got it

All I'm askin'

- Is for a little respect when you come home

- Just a little bit

- Hey, baby

- Just a little bit

- When ya get home

- Just a little bit

- Mister

- Just a little bit

I ain't gonna do you wrong

while you're gone

I ain't gonna do you wrong

'cause I don't wanna

All I'm askin' is for a

little respect when you come home

- Just a little bit just a little bit

- Baby, when you get home

And all I'm askin'

in return, honey

Is to give me my propers

when you get home

- Just a, just a, just a

- Yeah, baby, when you get home

- Just a little bit

Just a little bit

- Yeah

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