Malice in Wonderland Page #3

- Where can I get one?

- I know just da location.

F***!

Cool.

- Thanks for the ride.

- Bump the duchess when you meet her.

Ciao from the hydroponic

Bonnie and Clyde.

Hello?

Hi!

Hello. I'm looking for the duchess.

Eggs, rum, sugar,

milk, cherry, rum...

I ordered oxtail, not mulligatawny!

Too spicy!

Well, what are you doing at my desk?

I'm trying to get to the party.

Yes! I've been invited but I shan't go.

Why not?

I like my head where it is...

on my shoulders.

Now, the invitation is yours,

in exchange for one thing.

Knowledge.

- Of what?

- Of you.

But... Look, I don't know

anything about me.

You make my gossip nose twitch

like freshly-peppered soup.

- Is it you who has cameras everywhere?

- Eyes, darling, eyes!

So, why would an inconsequence like you

want to go to some awful do?

Whitey will be there.

I need him.

He owes me a ride home.

And what's so good about home?

Home...?

- I can't think...

- Then don't!

Slither into your subconscious,

your subterranean brain.

What comes into your mind?

Horses.

What about your family?

Siblings?

Boyfriend?

My head is spinning. I forget.

I was going to meet my mom.

And then I get hit by a taxi and now...

TBI- traumatic brain injury.

Caused by falls, blows to the head

and, most commonly, road accidents.

Tough... To your right.

Excellent!

It's as plain as the face on your nose!

Complete cognitive crash-

in the temporal lobe, your medial

thalamus and the orbital frontal lobe.

- Is that bad?

- There are signs of improvement.

- You're taking pills?

- For my head.

Good.

What is all that?

These are the things that you know.

None of them make any sense.

The mind is a maze of memories

and knowledge.

But how will I ever unjumble it all?

You can't unravel the complex,

until you've mastered the most simple.

Starting with...

- Who am I?

- Top drawer on the right.

Yes... Follow the red lights.

Red means "go".

Goodbye.

Thank you.

Paint the town red.

Have you seen a girl, 20, blond hair, fit?

Red means go.

Hey, hey, come back.

I know you!

Bob's your uncle.

Painting the town red. Red, red.

follow me. Painting the town red.

Please come back!

Alice!

Come back.

- You ain't ready to leave.

- Who's there?

DJ Felix on KHFM,

saying stay tuned for essential platters,

minimum chatter,

and circular sound sensations.

Circles... Circles...

We all move in circles.

This doesn't feel like a circle.

We think we're going in a straight line,

but what goes around... comes around.

Is that a riddle?

What has no conditions

but one condition?

That's a riddle.

Is that...

Is that MY riddle?

It's my riddle. It's your answer.

Find it, and find yourself.

Hey!

Stop!

Table 8.

Miss!

Milk!

Crumpets! Crumpets! Crumpets!

Yummy, yummy.

- Why didn't you stop?

- Bulb needed changing.

Painting the town red.

Wait, weren't you the one who...

Wasn't me.

Maybe you came across me brother.

You is well buff!

You looking for business?

- I'm looking for Hearts nightclub.

- You're miles away!

I was hoping to... get a ride.

F*** a duck!

I'll give you the ride of your life.

Ladies call me...

un-f***ing-forgettable.

And that ain't for my looks-

even though they is impressive.

Wait 'ere, yeah?

Un-f-forgivable.

I need to remember more.

- Milk!

- Tea!

Sugar!

- Tart!

- Crumpet!

Sticky tart!

for your head?

Be who you wanna be...

Your father flies to London

next week... Your father...

- Mom!

- You should go with him.

- You should go with him.

- ...tea with the Queen.

Some you keep and some you trash...

- I only have your interest in life.

- I wanted you to meet Wolfgang.

Mom, for the 100th time,

I can find my own dates.

I knew a woman who lived

on Hulme Street.

When you get home,

you'll have your head straightened out.

I can find my own dates.

I'm not a commodity.

- You're a Dodgson. And act accordingly.

- H-U-L-M-E, my mom's still there.

Wakey-wakey!

Class!

What did you do to my hair?

It's disgusting!

Disgusting is what we're liking in here.

A bit of French is handy.

And you get double if you do Greek.

Disgusting is why you're up for the job!

- My little strawberry tart.

- There must be some misunderstanding.

- I'm just passing through.

- Only when you've paid your dues.

Top hair-do like that, it's not cheap.

- Roger and out. All change.

- Roger that. Over and out.

You know what you need inside ya-

before you get anything else inside ya?

- A nice cuppa tea.

- I don't drink tea.

What?!

No tea!

Where did they drag you from? Mars?

- No...

- Next trucker, please...

Finnburtons Hotel, London.

Permanent residence: Hamptons,

Long Island, New York, United States...

Yes! Calm down, I know where that is.

Listen, I... I just need to get to Harry's.

Harry? Harry Hunt?

There's a charmer!

- Harry Hunt!

- You know what his favourite colour is?

- Red.

- Yeah, blood red.

- A proper psycho is Harry.

- Come on, mate. He's sound.

Apart from being a complete psycho!

- I'm sorry. I don't have time for this.

- You're right.

Time is money. And your time is my time.

So get out and earning.

What...?

What kind of place is this?

- Tyre park.

- A greasy spoon-ani.

My mobile a-brothel.

Yeah, and I'm first up.

- Dibs.

- I got dibs.

- Earl Grey to Hattie, next.

- 10-4 headed to Earl Grey, roger and out.

- All change!

- Nice...

Get off me!

Listen, I need to get to Hearts.

- Can anyone give me a ride?

- Me, me, me!

Read the sign.

There's only one madam here, Madam.

Break her in. Don't be gentle.

- What?

- Come on!

- What are you doing?!

- She's gorgeous! Love her!

Get your hands off me!

Let go of me! Hands off!

- Seen more meat on a budgie's cock

- In!

Nice...

In the nuddy. Now.

Where are ya? Where are ya?

- What are you doing?

- Taking my clothes off.

Nice...

Distressed call from an American

girl has been positively identified

- as kidnapped heiress Alice Dodgson.

- Arse.

The search has been described

- as the force's top priority...

- Double-arse.

Scotland Yard has released a tape

thought to be the voice of her kidnapper.

If you're missing a girl

call this number: 0044 7788...

He's resting. Blew his mind.

- F***.

- 3 minutes. That's the rule.

OK...

What's going on?

Jesus Christ!

OK, nice and easy...

Live animals in the back.

- Holy sh*t!

- Nice!

Nice!

- Open the f***ing door!

- Get the hell down!

Slow down!

Get down!

Stupid! Let me back in.

Whitey?

Whitey!

- Jump!

- Don't jump!

Open the windows!

Open the door!

Steady. Steady.

Don't do it!

Jump!

Nice!

We did it!

My God! We did it!

What have you done to your hair?

- What?

- What have you done to your hair?

I nearly die

and you ask me about my hair?

If I hadn't mentioned it,

you'd have sulked.

- You people are insane!

- It's in the breeding.

What are you doing here anyway?

You dumped me at a coach stop,

remember?

Exactly right. And I went back

to find you and you'd gone

and I couldn't give you all alone

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