Malice in Wonderland Page #5

I am partial to a slice of cherry genoa.

This one's got a different kind of cherry.

She said you were getting him a tie.

But a cake...?

That's even worse.

What a f***ing Spongebob!

I'm sorry about the delay, Harry.

It took me a while to locate

your favourite filling.

- Your Thai.

- Thai?

Very good.

But you do know

I'm a bachelor of the arse now?

- She's got a sausage.

- And taters.

Sweetheart.

You're not keeping it, are you?

You don't know where it's been.

When I want your opinion, Jack,

I'll give it to you.

It's not Jack. It's Jacqui.

Or Jacqueline for posh.

Very nice, my cab-driving friend.

But the damage has been done.

Lessons need to be learned.

What is it we have to do

to all get along?

Share. And share alike.

What's your is mine.

- Where is this going?

- For you?

The cemetery. A service at St Mary's,

"All things bright and beautiful".

Same old Gonzo, same old liability.

Yeah. When it pops you,

try not to bleed on my suit,

it's labelled.

Gonzo didn't tell ya?

- Tell me what?

- Old father William knows she is in town.

- Old Bill knows Alice is here?

- Don't listen to him, Harry.

My priority was to secure the girl

outside your turf.

Keep you clean.

Then get you to cut the deal.

Why should I believe you?

any fool could see that.

Only you can pull off a big one, Harry.

That's why I'm here.

You brought her to my gaff,

knowing I'd be fingered?

Harry... He's lying.

If there's a Billy in this room, it's you.

Well, I'll take her away.

I didn't know the goods was hot.

Gonzo.

That really is a nice suit.

Bad day?

My dance partner has got a rash

from a cheap bikini wax

leaving me high and dry for tonight.

My lottery numbers came up

on the one day I didn't get my ticket,

and even of I did cheat with a ruler,

my John Thomas is...

well under the national average.

I can't tango solo.

I don't suppose you... dance?

I don't remember.

- It's not something you'd forget.

- It's a long story.

I've got all night.

Well, you know, actually, I don't.

But I will say, if I'm gonna die,

I'm gonna die knowing who I am

and who I wanted to be.

Hear, hear.

Your father flies to London.

I can find my own dates.

You're a Dodgson...

We only have your own interests at heart.

Dad, something came up.

Do you remember when I was born?

H...

This is a distressing time

for Mrs. Dodgson...

U...

Remember when you and mom

lived here in London?

- L...

- Private investigator.

- M...

- What's in here

may change your life forever.

E.

This Alice...

- She's trouble.

- I can sort it for you.

And I was having such a nice time!

- Let me get rid of her.

- That's a great idea. No questions.

I want her disappeared. Professional.

- That's not what I meant.

- It's what I mean that matters!

She's valuable.

Whitey, you just don't

understand, do you?

Kidnapping-- it's not right.

We should stick to what we know,

and I know about robbing banks.

Here, how's this?

I get the reward, put it in a bank...

you rob the bank.

Don't you get clever. You haven't got

the brains to mess with me.

Or the money.

I'll tell you about money!

I paid well for protection. Where is it?

Hattie, sweetheart, tone, please.

Come here.

Tell me what happened.

She nicked my girls.

Pinched me prossies.

Stole me tarts.

I want justice.

THIEF!

I'll take care of her, Harry.

I'll do all right, you'll see.

Tart larceny is a serious offence.

I need to set an example.

Rex! Trial.

- A trial!

- What's going on?

- What trial?

- Whitey, council for the accused.

Rex, prosecution,

everyone else, the jury.

Alice, dear. Best of British luck.

- Am I gonna need it?

- The defence is not allowed to speak.

- So, technically, yes.

- Charges?

Theft of truck containing 6 prostitutes

and non-payment of hairdressing fees.

- How do you plead?

- I plead diminished responsibility.

Diminished what?

Responsibility, yeah.

She was wrong in the head.

- Objection! Defence has spoken.

- She's off her head!

Completely. Damaged the medial

temporal lobe- caused by his cab.

I'm suing for damages.

He should be behind bars.

- What?

- Defence spoke again!

Contempt of court!

Throw him out.

- Wait, please!

- Do her!

- Surely he can...

- Do her!

Look, I'm sorry about your ladies,

but my head was in pieces.

Insanity is not a plea.

It's a way of life.

Everyone around here is a card short.

Sentence is passed! Rex!

Can I call a witness?

I'm not sure that you can.

Then you're not so sure I can't.

Defendant calls to the stand...

- Lady's lost her memory.

- Traumatic brain...

Circles, we all run...

Defendant cal is Felix Chester.

Permission to speak privately...

with my girl.

- Felix...

- Granted.

This is all about time.

Except I haven't any left

for one of your riddles.

If you had been a few seconds early...

that cab wouldn't have hit you.

I can give back the time you lost,

the part that made a difference.

- Such as...?

- You were running, you were free.

You heard a voice.

The bag lady.

You stopped to give her money,

but time ticked on.

Just 15 seconds.

I can give you them back.

Trust me.

I'm a DJ.

- Time's up.

- Just say when.

Accused may address the court

before sentence is carried out.

You think you're so tough.

King of the underworld.

But really,

you're nothing but an old queen!

When!

Run. 2...

Whitey!

After her! Rex!

No!

No...

Don't die. I won't let you die!

- All out of time.

- No, I won't let you die. I won't.

Run.

Told you you'd get it back.

- What?

- The time.

Use the 15 seconds.

I can give you them back.

- See you again!

- Run.

Wait!

Oi, bird, move!

I don't believe this.

Look at the time.

I'm late on the left, I'm late...

Where's me watch?!

How did you do that?

Shut up and listen.

Your name is Whitey,

you're on your way to pick up

a Thai ladyboy as a gift for Harry Hunt.

You'll miss delivery and wind up dead.

I know, I was there. My name is Alice.

- Look, my dad's a billionaire.

- Is this an English version of "Punk'd"?

He controls my life and now he wants

to marry me off to this German schmuck.

So I have to break away now.

Or I might never get the chance again.

Just slow down, babe.

Just slow down.

He will post a 10 million-dollar

reward for my return.

We can find a way to get the money

and get away.

"We"?

You choose.

or dead at the seaside later.

Tick-tock, tick-tock.

- Dead...?

- Toes up.

or 10 million dollars?

Roughly 5 million

of your cute British pounds.

Get in.

If this is a stitch up,

you better have a good plastic surgeon.

I think there's a bottle

of "For your Nerves" in your bag.

Maybe you should take some

and calm down.

What...

What the f*** are you?

I'm the girl who saved your life.

Now let's go and sort out mine.

I'm looking for a woman

who lived here about 20 years ago.

My mother.

So...

My mother just sold me?

I remember her having the baby...

You.

She never knew the father.

They came at night in a fancy car,

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