Man in the Chair Page #4

Why can't he live

where you live?

It's nice there.

I don't think he was

in a union that provides for it.

I'm lucky.

It's the only good thing

Hollywood ever did for me.

America's all about the young,

the beautiful, "the winner!"

You know, kid, in Europe, Asia,

and especially Africa...

the elderly

are truly respected...

and they're almost treasured

by the... by the young people.

Not here though, oh, no.

Oh, no.

We live in a throwaway society.

If it breaks, throw it away.

If a new one pops up,

throw the old one away.

If your puppy grows up

to be a pain-in-the-ass dog...

dump it. Someone will kill it.

Your marriage isn't working?

Hey, divorce...

throw it away,

marry someone else.

You get sick of them?

Throw them away too.

BUS DRIVER:
Sherman Way.

That's what my dad

did to my mom.

She's different now.

So then he's an a**hole, right?

Yeah, probably.

Yeah, you're better off

without him.

Eh, the world's upside down.

But, hey, kid, don't worry.

Nobody else does.

Be happy, you're young!

You got the world

by the short hairs.

Not me, I'm a nobody.

Yeah? Says who?

My friend Murphy.

He says, he says guys

like me don't even matter.

The botched and the bungled...

something

that "Niatchsky" said.

Nietzsche,

you stupid, ignorant fart.

"It's not the strength...

"but the duration

of great sentiments...

"that makes great men."

- What?

- Nietzsche said that too.

But what do you know

about Nietzsche?

What do you know about

anything? You're a kid.

No, I, I meant...

Nietzsche was

full of sh*t most of the time.

Tolstoy says

that Nietzsche was stupid...

and, uh, abnormal...

and so is your friend Murphy.

Yeah, well, you got

the abnormal part right.

I'd keep an eye on him.

Oh, not to change

the subject...

from Nietzsche

and the great Murphy...

but, um...

how you doin' on my Cubans?

Just what the doctor

didn't order.

Well, bless you, child.

Call you later, Flash.

Hey, hey, don't be

so down in the dumps.

We're gonna make

this movie, right? Got it?

Got it. Tomorrow?

Make it tomorrow night.

I want to show you something.

- O.K.

- Hey, hey, I didn't hear you.

I'm old, damn it.

I got it!

All right. [Chuckles]

[Helicopter flies overhead]

CAMERON:
"Pennsylvania

Department of Health...

"receiving complaints

regarding nursing homes...

"and long-term care.

"The halls reek of urine.

"Old people lie helpless

in their beds hour after hour...

"their soiled diapers unchanged.

"These were

the sights and smells...

"at a nursing home

in Huntington Beach."

Somebody's been

smoking again.

It's a new cologne...

Eau de Cohiba.

WOMAN:
Hmm...

breaking the rules... again?

That just makes me so horny.

Yeah, you're always horny.

[Woman laughs]

That's not such a bad thing,

now, is it?

Well... [mumbling]

Just the thought of you two

bumpin' uglies messes me up.

Come on, Mildred.

You've got plenty

of other men to tease.

Teasing's not such

a bad thing, now, is it?

[Laughs] No, honey, it's not.

Flash, you got a phone call

back in the lobby.

Some kid.

Hello?

Hey, Flash, it's Cameron.

How you doing?

Uh, women keep throwing

themselves at me.

Thank God for Viagra.

Uh... so I called because I

changed my mind about the film.

You what? Uh... [Chuckles]

- Now listen to me, kid.

- I don't want to do...

that motorcycle/vacuum

salesman thing anymore.

FLASH:
Well, wait a minute.

You can't do this, kid.

I mean... what about my Cubans

and the Wild Turkey and...

Come on! Now, don't give up

on this movie!

No, Flash, I just gave up

on the motorcycle idea...

not the actual film.

Well, what the hell

are we gonna shoot?

I want to do

a docudrama about...

about those crap places

like where Mickey lives.

Well, what do you mean?

Hold on.

"In 2005, in L.A. County...

"91% of the nursing homes

had violations."

You're some surprise, kid,

and no one surprises me no more.

I want to get

with Mickey again...

because we could,

we could still use his help.

Go easy on that.

I'm not sure that he's ready.

FLASH:

We'll talk about it first.

We need him. All right, um...

are we still on

for tomorrow night?

Yeah.

O.K., I'll meet you

at the bus stop at seven.

Yeah, well, you make it eight...

and you be there!

O.K., eight.

[Hangs up phone]

- Hello?

- [Dial tone]

Flash?

[Phone beeps]

[Crickets chirp]

[Crying]

[Sobbing]

Hey, Mickey.

MICKEY:
Hello, kid.

Uh... where's Flash?

Well, he's...

I really need your help, Mickey.

I... I'm no good to you, son.

It's too far gone.

No, listen, can...

Can you just hear me out?

Can I, can I come in

for a minute?

Yeah... of course.

Flash said you'd be back.

Hey, Cameron...

pick up one of them boxes.

No, no, the bigger one.

You called me Cameron.

It's your name, isn't it?

ANNOUNCER ON TV:
Wells

at the line for his second shot.

It's up... no good!

Kicked out back, rebounded

there, pass outlet...

MAN:
Pass the ball!

Ah, that ain't no foul!

That ain't no foul!

Thank God it's Shaq.

Thank God it's Shaq.

Hey, whoa, ho.

Hey, whoa, hey.

Expendables, Stage 10.

The kid's with me.

MAN:
You got I. D?

No problemo.

What's the score?

Lakers by two, double overtime.

Bingo, Shaq just missed

another free throw!

Some things never change.

Haven't seen you before.

You new?

I'm anything but new...

meaning I'm old. Get it?

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

Hey, Stage 10,

right around the corner.

FLASH:
Merry Christmas.

MAN:
Yeah,

Merry Christmas to you too.

? Ooh ?

? Lonely, lonely, lonely ?

? I'm waiting for you... ?

? Ooh ?

? Lonely, lonely, lonely ?

CAMERON:
Where's Stage 10?

FLASH:

We're not going to Stage 10.

Come on.

[Clears throat]

Lose the box.

CAMERON:

How hot do the lights get?

FLASH:
Hot.

Are these c-stands?

I love c-stands!

So can we actually come back

and grab some of this stuff?

[Flash grunts]

CAMERON:
This place

is actually pretty creepy.

Seems like the kind of place

that would be haunted.

[Flash grunts]

What would happen

if we got caught in here?

FLASH:
Uh...

well, it's been a long time...

but I'm sure it's still here.

What's still here?

Hmm...

FLASH:

They must have sealed it off.

CAMERON:
Well, then we should

probably head back then, right?

FLASH:
Not likely.

[Door thumps]

[Door creaks]

It's, it's still here.

[Talking to himself]

[Wood clatters]

[Wings flap]

CAMERON:
Is this, like,

breaking and entering?

FLASH:
Yeah, who broke in?

The door just opened.

FLASH:
Oh, sh*t.

Where's the goddamn

fuse box?

How'd you do that?

I'm a gaffer, for Christ's sake.

Oh, right.

Well, this is it.

This is our room,

the crew's room.

Yeah, used to be

the old prop room.

We cleaned it up and,

uh, made it our own.

This is so cool.

How is it still here?

Uh, the present management

doesn't know about this room.

Never did.

Thank god. They'd turn it

into a Starbucks.

CAMERON:
Yeah, right.

So this place

was like a clubhouse?

FLASH:
Yeah, sort of.

But it was a tough club

to get into.

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