Man in the Chair Page #5

No above-the-line wankers,

that's for sure.

Above the line?

Eh, producers, directors,

writers, actors, those creeps.

So you know all these people?

Most of them.

A lot of them are dead.

Uh, but these are my friends.

Hey, that's me with the crew

of, uh, Citizen Kane.

You worked on Citizen Kane?

Yeah... the skinny guy

in the middle.

CAMERON:
So amazing.

Is Orson Welles there?

These are crew-only photos,

for Christ's sake.

Oh, so no directors,

no wankers?

Right.

I always wanted to be

a wanker... director.

A director, huh?

The man in the chair, huh?

I guess.

You guess?

The man in the chair

can't ever be a guesser.

He's gotta make decisions.

You know, boom, boom,

boom, boom, boom.

He's gotta know

what he's doing.

Frank Capra says, "If you're

half right, you'll be a genius."

Frank Capra, cool director.

Money!

Hello? [Mutters]

CAMERON:

Did you ever direct a movie?

Yeah, I got close to it

a couple of times...

but it wasn't exactly my cup of,

uh, tea... if you get my drift.

Oh, you had a little booze,

drinking problem...

thing, problem?

Oh, yeah, I had my...

[Chuckles]

fair share of, mmm,

missed opportunities.

Flash?

Yeah, kid.

You're the only one who

can help me out with this.

And I want to know everything

there is to know.

Teach me how to make movies...

how to watch them...

everything.

It means

that much to you, huh?

To be the man in the chair?

Yeah, it does... everything.

Will you be willing

to pay the price?

Cigars and Wild Turkey?

No, no, no.

Well, yeah, yeah, of cour...

[Sharply] No.

I mean, the real price.

CAMERON:
What's that?

A promise... to me...

that if you ever make it,

you won't crap on people...

like Mickey and the others...

like these fine folks.

And that you'll never forget

how and who...

got you to the chair.

Can you make that promise?

Sure, Flash.

Now we're talking Technicolor.

Well, it'll actually

probably be 24p digital video.

Yeah, whatever.

- You know all these people?

- Yeah, most of them.

Do you have a star?

The only thing in the ground

with my name on it...

will be a gravestone.

Why? You made

some great movies.

Oh, come on.

You gotta be famous, adored.

- I'm neither.

- [Bell ringing]

You should get a star just

for helping out me and Murphy.

Hey, remember this.

The glitter ends at La Brea.

What does that mean?

You see the glitter that

the city puts in the pavement...

- where the stars are, huh?

- Yeah?

Well, look, it ends at La Brea.

No stars, no glitter.

In other words, uh,

it don't last forever...

like fame in Hollywood.

It lasts for only a second,

if at all.

So don't friggin' worry

about gettin' famous.

Get good at your job.

If fame comes along, so be it.

CAMERON:

You're famous to me.

FLASH:
That's because you

don't know anybody else.

NURSE:
Oh!

YOGA INSTRUCTOR ON TV:

As you can see, we have...

MAN:
Oh, come on, Speed.

We're all trying to see that.

Move back please, Speed,

so we can all see.

What?

MAN:
Get out of the way.

- Hey!

- Well, what's happening?

- Flash, I was dancing.

- [Overlapping chatter]

FLASH:

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Shut up! Shut up!

I got something to tell you.

We're going on location.

It's time for my medication?

[Murmuring]

MAN 2:

No, we're going on location.

- Oh, Speed.

- Not yet, we're not rolling.

I just love location shooting!

The hotels, the parties,

the fun, the dancing...

Slut.

Mrs. Erskine!

Oh, she's a tramp!

You silly old biddy.

Why, your chariot's so low,

it's dragging the basement floor.

Get a life.

FLASH:
Hey, hey, ladies...

Is that Animal Planet?

FLASH:
Hey, hey ladies, relax.

Ladies... we're not exactly

going on location...

- but we are going into production.

- MAN:
O.K.

MRS ERSKINE:

Yeah, what's the rate?

What did he say?

That's great, that's hot.

[Whistling] Let him talk!

Well, I met a kid who needs

our help with his student film.

- Hey, Flash!

- Yeah, Montana.

What's he need?

He needs your help

with wardrobe...

and, Rich, he needs your help

with art direction.

Speed can help with sound.

- What?

- You can do the sound.

Bernie here can give him

a hand with props.

I'm retired.

I got out of the rat race...

a long time ago, thank you.

Butch can help with camera,

me with lighting...

- and Big John with grip.

- You betcha.

Oh, boy, does he have

the best crew in town.

Well, the oldest crew, anyway.

[Laughter]

The what?

And the only one

with a deaf sound mixer.

- [Laughter]

- Oh, I heard that.

Flash, I'm available.

Newsflash!

So, who's the kid?

CAMERON:
We're just

doing research. You'll be fine.

MICKEY:
I don't know, Cameron.

It's cool. You'll be all right.

Eh, Flash said you were

a pushy little so-and-so.

Don't be afraid, Mickey.

It's only a computer.

It's real easy, O. K?

Computers are really stupid.

They do exactly what

you tell them to.

That's what I'm afraid of,

what to tell them.

No problemo.

Check it out, we can Google.

Google?

Yeah, a lot of bloggers Google.

Bloggers that Google.

Or they Dogpile.

Dogpile.

Dogpile or a Hotbot

or Lycos, Linkslut...

Ask Jeeves, Web Crawler.

You can always Yahoo.

Yahoo... Tell me, son,

when do we get to the easy part?

Those are

just search engines here.

Let's just Google.

Click on "search" right there...

and now, type in

anything you want.

- Anything?

- Yeah, anything.

Think of something.

Uh, fly fishing.

Type it in, "fly fishing."

[typing]

Yeah, now press "enter."

There it is.

- MICKEY:
This is it?

- CAMERON:
Yeah, yeah...

I'll be a striped-ass baboon.

[laughs]

Hey, well, what about tractors?

I've always

had a thing for tractors.

Tractors, type it in.

This is wonderful. [Laughs]

Here, check this out.

Check this out.

Thank you very much

for this, Cameron.

It's... Thank you. That's nice.

See, you haven't

been forgotten, Mickey.

D... D-Did you look up Flash?

Yeah, I showed him

his rsum and his credits.

What'd he say?

"Yeah, big f-bomb deal."

[Laughs]

That sounds like Flash!

[Chuckles] And wait, Mick,

go back to, go back to Google.

Click on search and type in

"Nursing home neglect."

[Typing]

"Top 10 of 775,062 matches."

Yeah, try that...

Try that first one.

Does that mean there are

Yeah, it does.

Criminies.

MICKEY:
"Nursing home neglect

in the last year.

"Complaints in Texas are up 60%.

"Medication errors,

understaffing...

"unsanitary conditions,

substandard care...

"and injuries

in an unsafe environment."

"The quality of care

at thousands...

"of the nation's

nursing homes...

"is poor

or questionable at best."

How do you think

they'd rate my place?

Sucky to very sucky.

I agree.

"Activists sue nursing home

for fraud...

"and malnutrition in New York."

"Federal authorities move in

to correct irregularities...

"in the Arkansas agency

responsible...

"for nursing home oversight."

"Florida general attorney

takes aim...

"at substandard

nursing home care."

It's everywhere.

I think you turned

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