Man on the Flying Trapeze Page #2

Hey, listen, that was | Ambrose Wolfinger talking.

Yeah, come over right away.

There are burglars singing | in the cellar. Good. Okay.

Don't move!

A gildersleeve.

A cop.

What you drinking there?

Applejack.

There are three of them | singing now.

Yeah, they're singing | the same tune, too.

I... I feel as if | I'm getting chill!

Oh, would you like | a little drink of applejack?

Ambrose Wolfinger.

Well, I thought | I might join her.

You know perfectly well | my mother detests alcohol.

Oh, yes, that's right.

When I was a young and a pretty | girl, I always vowed to my parents

that lips that touch liquor, | would never touch mine.

Oh, yeah. | Pretty sentiment, very nice.

Yeah, that was fine of you | to say that. That's nice.

That's all right, dear. Don't worry. | I'm not even going into the cellar.

I'll talk to them | from the outside.

I'll wait up for you.

All right, dear. I don't crave an | encounter with dangerous criminals.

You go right in. Go right | in and go to bed, dear. Yeah.

All right, Dad. | All right. Goodbye, dear.

Oh, drat.

Drat.

Everything's okay, Mr. | Wolfinger. I got them handcuffed.

Oh. Oh, that's fine.

Merciful heavens. | What happened?

Oh. Oh.

Why couldn't I fall | on a small, dull one?

I caught them down here | drinking your applejack.

Oh, you did, eh? Oh. By the way, | would you like a drink yourself?

I don't mind if I do.

Oh, good. Oh.

You got the glass right here with | you, haven't you? Yeah. All right.

For two pins, I'd box your...

Are you sure those | handcuffs are on tightly?

Oh, they're safe.

For two pins, | I'd box both your ears.

Ah, you know how to turn | it on, you been here before.

Take your filthy hands | off there!

There you are, Officer. | Thanks.

Wait a minute, | I'll join you. Okay.

That's the old Jersey way of | getting it out of the barrel.

My best respects. | Fine.

Quiet. Cut it out, boys.

Tone it down a little. | Tone it down a little, huh?

Do you remember that tune?

We used to sing it up at the old | Tehachapi Glee Club many years ago.

Brings back fond memories.

Before I was married.

It's a quartet.

Merciful heavens, | he's singing with them now.

Ambrose! Ambrose?

Ambrose!

It's all right, dear. It's all | right, we got them hand-ironed...

They're handicapped... | Handiwork...

The... They got their hands | all tied up.

I got them, | but they can't do a thing.

Yeah, the police ambulance | is down in here. Yeah.

All right, don't worry, dear. Go | right back to sleep. All right.

Goodbye, goodbye, | goodbye, goodbye.

She can hear every word | you say down here,

up through this pipe, | so keep quiet.

She's awfully nervous. | Awfully nervous.

Say, look here.

These boys seem all right.

Let's let them go if they | promise never to do it again.

Oh, no, no, nothing doing. | This is my bread and butter.

I got to take them in.

Oh? | Yeah.

Oh, you'll have to go along, too. Why?

To appear against them.

By the way, I'll have to take a jug | of this applejack along as evidence.

Go ahead.

Now, listen, Mr. Wolfinger, | I'll go through the window first,

and you see that they get out.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, | wait a minute, wait a minute.

That leaves me down here with | them alone. Wait a minute, now.

Why can't I go out the window first, | and then I wait for... With them...

I'll be with them, too, | out there, won't I?

I'll tell you what to do, | we'll all go out together.

All right. Come on, | come on. Get out.

Go ahead, go ahead, | go ahead, now. Up!

Gosh.

Ambrose!

What are you doing | down in that cellar?

If you have apprehended the | criminals, come up here and go to bed.

Keep quiet, boys.

I don't want anybody to see me prowling | around in the middle of the night

dressed like this.

What time is it?

What time is it?

What time is it? | What...

Say, Wolfinger, what's the idea of making | all this noise at 5:00 in the morning?

It's 5:
00.

Drat.

Say, this thing isn't | going to interfere

with me going to the wrestling | match this afternoon, is it?

Oh, I hope not. | I got a ticket myself.

I got a $15 seat | in the first row.

Had it for three weeks. Of course | my wife knows nothing about it.

Wrestling's in my blood.

No, if I hadn't | have been sidetracked,

I'd have been probably wrestling | in this match this afternoon myself.

Oh, you're a wrestler, eh?

You were born in Canada, | weren't you? Yeah.

Fine.

There isn't a man or boy born | in the United States or Canada

that could get out of | this hold. Come here.

Stick your head in there. Stick | it in there. Go ahead. Put it in.

Now, wait a minute.

Try to get out of that.

Go ahead, | try to get out of it.

I guess I took in | too much territory.

I shouldn't have | mentioned Canada.

Did I hurt you?

How could you hurt anybody | throwing them on their head?

Oh, dear.

Good morning. | Is the judge about?

He'll be here | in just a minute.

Old Honest Abe.

What's the charge?

Those two men, Your Honor, were | singing in Mr. Wolfinger's cellar.

These two boys here. | Yes?

And drinking applejack. | Where'd they get it?

In Mr. Wolfinger's cellar. | Down in my place.

Where's the evidence?

Right here, Your Honor.

Who's the owner of this applejack? I am.

Have you a permit | to manufacture applejack?

I beg your pardon?

Have you a permit | to manufacture applejack?

I guess I could | get one easy enough.

$30 or 30 days. | Take him away!

But, Judge... Oh, wait. | They came in to my...

Clear the court! | Clear the court!

Oh, this is terrible.

This is awful.

This is terrible.

Then... Then I... I took...

I took my scissors... | Yeah.

...and stuck straight into | my wife's throat, like that!

You tickled me.

Wouldn't you do the same thing | under the circumstances?

I would do the same thing, | I guess, or probably worse.

You know, I'm excitable. | Yeah.

I kill them all. | Uh-huh.

But that's nothing.

No, that didn't mean...

You know... You know, | my friend, Mmm-hmm.

I had three wives.

Oh, yes.

But this is the first one | I have killed in all my life!

Oh, that's in your favor, | yeah.

They have no more case against you | than the sheep has against a butcher.

Oh, do you think so?

Oh, I know it. | Excuse me a minute.

My friend here... He's... Can I get | out to send a telephone... Just for...

Oh, wait, I'll go with you.

No, no, that's all right, | that's all right.

I'll finish the story.

I can't go out | and telephone her?

Look here. You telephone... | Can you telephone my wife?

You can't telephone. I can | take a message out for you.

Will you | take a message out?

Search this guy. Search | him for a pair of scissors.

I think he's got | scissors with him.

My friend...

He's excited.

Say, look, you telephone my wife, | and tell her to get $30 over here,

and if she hasn't $30, | not to wait up for me tonight

because I won't be home | for a month. Will you do that?

My friend... | Okay.

...I want to tell you | something.

Yeah, okay.

Will you listen to me? | Yeah.

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