Man on the Moon Page #12

CUT TO:

INT. WRESTLING RING

MONTAGE OF WRESTLING MATCHES:

MATCH 1 - Andy throws a FAT WOMAN to the ground.

MATCH 2 - Andy squeezes a SMALL WOMAN in a headlock.

MATCH 3 to MATCH 20 - Andy throws an ITALIAN LADY from the

ring. He then proudly waves a phony plastic belt over his

head.

ANDY:

I am the Intergender Wrestling

Champion of the World!!!

The crowd BOOS in disgust.

CUT TO:

INT. MOVIE THEATER - DAY

ANDY is at the box office, buying tickets.

ANDY:

Two, please.

Two tickets jump out of the machine.

EXT. MOVIE THEATER - DAY

ANDY is standing in front, waiting. A CAB stops and out

steps -- Lynne.

ANDY:

Hi...

LYNNE:

Hi... am I late?

ANDY:

No, I'm sure we'll be fine.

Andy gives Lynne her ticket. They enter the theater.

INT. MOVIE THEATER - DAY

Andy hurries up to the candy counter.

ANDY:

Popcorn?

LYNNE:

No thanks.

ANDY:

I really want one.

(at the counter)

One large tub of popcorn, please,

extra butter.

The CANDY GIRL makes Andy his popcorn. He pays... then

heads to the exit.

ANDY (cont'd)

Okay. Let's go.

Lynne is baffled.

LYNNE:

Andy, the theater's that way!

ANDY:

Hey, I love movie theater popcorn...

but that doesn't mean I have to sit

through "On Golden Pond."

Lynne stands in place. Andy smiles.

ANDY (cont'd)

C'mon. We'll go for a walk.

LYNNE:

(beat; then she

laughs)

Fine.

She throws down her ticket and runs after him.

EXT. MOVIE THEATER, STREET - DAY

They leave the theater and walk down the sidewalk.

LYNNE:

Why did you call me? The last

person I ever expected to get a call

from was you.

ANDY:

Gosh. Gee, Lynne... I was just so

impressed with your wrestling moves.

EXT. MOVIE THEATER - DAY

ANDY is standing in front, waiting. A CAB stops and out

steps -- Lynne.

ANDY:

Hi...

LYNNE:

Hi... am I late?

ANDY:

No, I'm sure we'll be fine.

Andy gives Lynne her ticket. They enter the theater.

INT. MOVIE THEATER - DAY

Andy hurries up to the candy counter.

ANDY:

Popcorn?

LYNNE:

No thanks.

ANDY:

I really want one.

(at the counter)

One large tub of popcorn, please,

extra butter.

The CANDY GIRL makes Andy his popcorn. He pays... then

heads to the exit.

ANDY (cont'd)

Okay. Let's go.

Lynne is baffled.

LYNNE:

Andy, the theater's that way!

ANDY:

Hey, I love movie theater popcorn...

but that doesn't mean I have to sit

through "On Golden Pond."

Lynne stands in place. Andy smiles.

ANDY (cont'd)

C'mon. We'll go for a walk.

LYNNE:

(beat; then she

laughs)

Fine.

She throws down her ticket and runs after him.

EXT. MOVIE THEATER, STREET - DAY

They leave the theater and walk down the sidewalk.

LYNNE:

Why did you call me? The last

person I ever expected to get a call

from was you.

ANDY:

Gosh. Gee, Lynne... I was just so

impressed with your wrestling moves.

LYNNE:

You were impressed with something.

It's pretty odd when a man sports a

hard-on that large on national

television.

Andy is shocked.

ANDY:

Oh! Uh, I hope I didn't offend you.

LYNNE:

I'm here, ain't I?

A charged moment. Andy's eyes widen. His speech gets

faster.

ANDY:

Do you wanna to go to Memphis and

get married?

LYNNE:

(incredulous)

Do I wanna go to Memphis and get

married?

ANDY:

Yes.

Beat.

LYNNE:

Why Memphis?

ANDY:

(he SPEAKS VERY

FAST)

Because Memphis is the wrestling

capital of the world! I'll go in

the ring, and I'll announce that I

will shave my head and marry any

woman who beats me! Then you'll

come up, we'll wrestle and I'll let

you win! Then you'll scalp me, and

we'll get married on Letterman, like

Tiny Tim did on Carson... right

there on the show! What do you

say???

Whoa. Lynne stares into his eyes.

LYNNE:

And all this will be for real?

ANDY:

(a soft smile)

If you want...

CUT TO:

INT. MID-SOUTH COLISEUM, MEMPHIS - NIGHT

The arena is filled with furious BOOING SOUTHERN WRESTLING

FANS. Ladies in hair nets. Men clutching beer cans. This

is a rougher crowd than we've seen before.

Andy stands in the ring, unshaven in a torn green robe.

He's screaming at them.

ANDY:

(screaming)

SHUT UP!

(more BOOS)

SHUT UP! Show some respect! I want

SILENCE when I speak!

People BOOO louder and throw debris. Andy is pleased.

ANDY (cont'd)

If any woman can defeat me, I will

pay her 1000 dollars! Then I'll

shave my head bald! And then as a

bonus -- that lucky lady will get to

marry me!!

Screeching JEERS and CATCALLS. Down front... Lynne jumps

up.

LYNNE:

Look here, Andy Kaufman! I'll take

you on -- SISSY!

The mob LAUGHS harshly.

ANDY:

Ooo, the little lady's upset. Well

I say -- get back in the kitchen!

LYNNE:

("outraged")

No! YOU get in the kitchen. I'm

gonna make you dry my dishes!

The crowd APPLAUDS. Lynne grins and starts to climb in the

ring. Andy's eyes are ablaze. But suddenly -- an oversized

Southern MAN jumps in and snatches the mike away.

MAN:

STOP IT! This woman's a FAKE!

She's nothing but Kaufman's

girlfriend!

Andy and Lynne are startled.

ANDY:

T-that's not true --

MAN:

It's a set-up! And I won't allow

our great sport to be degraded by a

fix!!

The crowd angrily starts to HISS. Lynne whispers to Andy.

LYNNE:

Andy... who is that...?

LAWLER:

I'm Jerry Lawler, the KING of

Memphis wrestling!!

(this gets HUGE

CHEERS)

So if Kaufman wants to tangle, I've

brought a real wrestler! She's

trained and she's READY!! Kaufman,

do you think you can handle... FOXY

JACKSON???!!!

At that, a striking, muscular black woman stands -- FOXY.

The coliseum SCREAMS with excitement. People POUND their

seats. The roar is deafening. Lawler gleams cockily.

Lynne looks worriedly at Andy -- he's concerned.

CUT TO:

INT. MID-SOUTH COLISEUM - LATER THAT NIGHT

DING! The bell rings. Foxy comes out, ready to brawl. But

Andy remains in his corner, running down the clock. He

nonchalantly peels off his robe. Foxy dances around

impatiently. Andy casually removes a towel from his neck.

People BOO. Still stalling, Andy then takes off his watch.

People SCREAM so furiously they're red-faced. Andy is

tormenting them. A TATTOOED GUY jumps up.

TATTOOED GUY:

Are you scared???

Andy sneers. He cracks his knuckles, finally walks over...

and commences a WINDMILL. Absurdly, he spins his arms

around and around, daring Foxy to get near him.

She rolls her eyes and waits. The REF jumps out of the way.

A minute has counted down. Finally, Andy stops -- and the

real wrestling begins. Foxy lunges at him and immediately

goes for a choke-hold. The crowd CHEERS, relieved. Lawler

motions signals. Foxy yanks -- but Andy jerks away.

Andy is intrigued. She's coming to play! Andy gestures to

the Ref and points UP. The Ref looks away -- and Andy SLAPS

Foxy.

The crowd furiously JEERS. The Ref spins around, and Andy

shrugs innocence. He then runs at Foxy and theatrically

pushes her into the ropes. She bounces off, stumbles back -

- and Andy drops to his knees. She trips over him and hits

the mat.

Andy aggressively jumps onto Foxy's shoulders and pins her.

The Ref counts:
One! Two! Three! DING!!

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