Man on the Moon Page #22

On the SCREEN is a projection of Andy, silently staring at

us. There's a gentle smile on his face. It's the image

from the opening of this film.

ANDY'S POV:
The chapel is filled with GRIEVING MOURNERS.

All are in black. Everyone's quiet, in a state of shock.

Andy's family is huddled.

Lynne sits alone in a pew, crying.

George gives Zmuda a hug. Little Wendy comes over... and

they comfort each other.

Everyone who ever knew Andy is there: Taxi cast, Fridays

cast, TM followers, hookers, Jerry Lawler, Ed Weinberger,

Maynard Smith, Budd Friedman, it goes on and on...

And -- they all have odd discombobulated expressions. They

stare up at the PROJECTED ANDY.

ANDY (ON FILM)

Well... My show is over. I did my

best, and I just want to say, until

we meet again... please remember:

(he begins to SING)

"In this friendly, friendly world...

With each day so full of joy.

Why should any heart be lonely."

Some gathered people tentatively join in the SINGING.

ANDY (ON FILM) (cont'd)

So everybody! Put your arm around

the person next to you, even if you

don't like that person. Come on!

(he resumes SINGING)

"The world is such a wonderful

place,

To wander through,

When you've got someone to love,

To wander along with you.

With the sky so full of stars,

And the river so full of songs,

Every heart should be so thankful,

Thankful for this friendly, friendly

world..."

The curtain behind the coffin OPENS and the casket with

Andy's body slowly slides into the DARKNESS.

The curtain closes. The FILM ENDS.

And all goes silent.

Some people cry. Some begin to leave. Most of them are

just staying, numbed.

George and Zmuda whisper.

GEORGE:

It's a perfect Kaufman audience.

ZMUDA:

Yeah. They don't know whether to be

sad, or angry.

The Taxi cast are flustered.

CAROL KANE:

Why are people leaving? The

curtain's gonna open. Andy's gonna

come out... I know it!

TONY DANZA:

Sure, the body was just made of

wax...!

(a very long beat)

Wasn't it......?

Silence. They look to the front.

The closed curtain wafts... then settles motionless.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

EXT. SUNSET BLVD./COMEDY STORE - NIGHT

A SUPER slowly appears: "EXACTLY ONE YEAR LATER"

On Sunset, TWO DUDES come riding along on skateboards.

Suddenly they reach -- INSANITY. Traffic on Sunset is

jammed. HONKING limousines jockey to squeeze by.

Confused, one Dude squints into the distance -- and his eyes

pop.

DUDE #2

Oh my GOD.

(stupefied)

That's the freakiest thing I've ever

seen!! Look!

He points. His friend turns -- and gasps.

AT THE COMEDY STORE - The marquee says "TONY CLIFTON: LIVE!"

DUDE #1

Man, we were right! He's not dead!

DUDE #2

He's just been lyin' low for a year!

WE GOTTA GO!

Hysterical, the guys race up to the club. But outside,

there's a CRAZED, PULSING MOB. People are screaming.

Police have barricades. Everybody cries to get in.

INT. COMEDY STORE - SAME TIME

It's packed. Every square inch is filled with glittery

Hollywood VIPs. People make chit-chat... but there is a

squeamish excitement in the air. A brooding unease. Nobody

knows what to expect.

Suddenly -- the lights go black. A BOOMING ANNOUNCER.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

Ladies and Gentlemen! Please put

your hands together for... Tony

Clifton!

The THEME FROM 2001 starts playing. "DAAAAA, DAAAAA,

DAAAAA! DA-DAAAAA"!

A small SPOT appears -- on a peach tuxedo. The light grows

bigger, bigger... the tension magnifying... people

gasping... our view widening... until Tony Clifton is

revealed onstage!

It's an extraordinary theatrical moment -- without response.

The crowd has no idea what to do.

Tony smirks.

TONY CLIFTON:

How ya doin'?

Dead silence.

Tony struts downstage. He waves to the crowd.

TONY CLIFTON (cont'd)

How you doin' back there?!

(to the front rows)

How you doin' up here?!

Still no response. Until -- a lone reckless VOICE.

VOICE:

Andy!

Whoa. The crowd rustles nervously.

Tony grimaces.

TONY CLIFTON:

Don't know nothin' about no Andy.

Just some dead guy tryin' to ride my

coattails.

(to the BAND)

Let's HIT IT, boys! One, two, anda

one two three four!

The BAND kicks in with disco anthem "I WILL SURVIVE." Tony

starts SINGING the schmaltzy opening:

TONY CLIFTON (cont'd)

"First I was afraid

I was petrified.

Kept thinkin' I could never live

Without you at my side."

(he wipes away a

pretend tear)

"Were you the one that tried to

Hurt me with goodbye?

Did you think I'd crumble?

Did you think I'd lay down and

Die...?"

We PAN the room full of enthralled spectators. At a front

table are George and Lynne.

Tony attacks the chorus.

TONY CLIFTON (cont'd)

"Oh no not I!

I WILL SURVIVE!

As long as I know how to love,

I know I'll simply stay alive!"

In the crowd, we pass face after face -- smiling...

frowning... intrigued... confused... until we settle on a

man in the very last row.

Bob Zmuda.

Enjoying the show more than anyone.

TONY CLIFTON (cont'd)

"I've got all my life to live

I've got all my life to give.

I will survive..."

(he hits his big

finish)

"I -- WILL -- SURVIVE!!!"

The music CRESCENDOS, and the song ENDS.

Zmuda grins and APPLAUDS proudly.

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