Man Up Page #9

This is...

I met a girl today, the wrong girl,

except she turned out

to be the right girl.

And this girl who took a chance on me

in the most bizarre

and romantic way possible

wanted me to take a chance on her,

but, erm...

...I didn't, you know. I didn't.

I blew it,

like a stupid 40-year-old,

mid-life-crisis d*ckhead that I am.

Which is why I sought help

from old beaus.

Yes, you... not the most reliable

of sources, really. Whatever.

But undeterred, I commandeered

these brilliant young drunks,

because nothing was gonna stop me

from finding this girl

and telling her what

I should have told her earlier on.

Nancy, I am so bloody glad

you pretended to be my date today,

because, if you hadn't,

then I never would've heard

any of your amazing sex theories

or... watched you trying to get

jalapeo out of your teeth

or witnessed your very instinctive

firewoman skills.

I would never have got to know

that muddy, beautiful triathlete face

or witnessed that awesome,

highly competitive arse

as you were about to get another strike.

In fact, if you hadn't have

pretended to be my date today,

my day would have been utterly rubbish.

And so, quite possibly,

would have been the rest of my life.

Don't make those noises,

I'm right on the edge.

Nancy, you said

I was an emotional jigsaw

and that I should look

for the blue bits.

I think you might be the blue bits,

Nancy.

So what do you say?

Quid pro quo?

What does it say in

Six Billion People and You?

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

F*** the past.

F*** the past!

Thank you. Excuse me.

- Hands-arse.

- My hands aren't on your arse.

I know.

("What Time Do You Call This

Shrink with me

Tower with me

Wither with me

Flower with me

Endlessly follow me

Chew me up and swallow me

Stay at least for now with me

Drink and dance and row with me

Tell me when I go too far...

I'll send you a photo, Sean.

Yes!

- Halt my ticker with those eyes

- Bye!

Weather every winter well

Check my spelling, ring my bell

Don't expect endless sex

Check my spelling, wring my neck

Separate me from my breath

Kiss me nearly half to death

Mm!

What time d'you call this?

Whoo!

What time d'you call this?

What time d'you call this?

What time d'you call this?

I've been craning bewildered

All my days

To now find your face

Shining out of the crowd

Love was just a word

That friends didn't mention

Cos love was just a joke

Till it battered me senseless

Oh, shrink with me

Tower with me

Wither with me

Flower with me

Endlessly follow me

Chew me up and swallow me

Stay at least for now with me

Drink and dance and row with me

Tell me when I go too far

Stay precisely where you are

Talk me out of all my lies

Halt my ticker with those eyes

Weather every winter well

Check my spelling, ring my bell

Don't expect endless sex

Check my spelling, wring my neck

Separate me from my breath

Kiss me nearly half to death

Ooh

What time d'you call this?

What time d'you call this?

What time d'you call this?

What time d'you call this?

What time d'you call this?

What time d'you call this?

What time d'you call this?

What time d'you call this?

Ooh, what time

(What time d'you call this?)

D'you call this?

What time d'you call this?

Ooh, what time

(What time d'you call this?)

D'you call this?

What time d'you call this?

What time

(What time d'you call this?)

D'you call this?

What time d'you call this?

What time

(What time d'you call this?)

D'you call this?

What time d'you call this?

What time

(What time d'you call this?)

D'you call this?

What time d'you call this?

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