Man Up Page #8

Do up my flat.

I'm gonna paint my hallway.

Yes, Tom said that

you were a bit of an artiste.

Yeah, I, you know... I dabble.

No, I don't dabble.

Who am I trying to kid?

I got an A in art at A level.

I don't remember

what I got in my A levels.

I'm kidding you. I'm not that old.

I got two Bs and a C, so.

No, I didn't. I got two Cs and a B.

Anyway, I passed them all, so.

- Well done.

- Thank you.

Anyway, I'm so glad that you're a fan

of Six Billion People and You as well.

And I'm so sorry that

I was late to meet you.

But, actually, the reason

that I had to buy another copy

was because I left my copy

for this woman on the train

and she so needed to read it.

She was a very unhappy soul.

You know, one of those sort of "lost

hope", "clock ticking" kind of women.

- Anyway, shall we do the lists?

- Yes, the lists, the lists.

I can't wait to see

what your favourite food is.

Ready?

I am so sorry about this.

What are you talking about?

This is amazing.

If I hadn't left her that book...

It's like the most epic love story ever.

And it means that I was right

and she was wrong. Taxi!

- Where to?

- Sh*t, I have no idea.

Just call her.

I don't have her number.

I have your number.

- What's her name?

- Nancy. Nancy Patterson.

- Look her up on Facebook.

- She's not on Facebook.

Don't be ridiculous.

Everyone's connected. You'll have

some mutual friends or something.

You bloody genius.

Bloomsbury Bowling Lanes, please.

Good luck with the triathleting.

Thank you, Jessica!

- Sean... Is that my scarf?

- Where's Nancy?

I have to find her

and I think she's at her parents'.

Do you know where they live?

I know the exact

Google map coordinates.

Holy... You know what, Sean?

I'd be quite happy to take the train.

- What's your plan?

- What's my plan?

To win her heart.

- This isn't a power ballad.

- Well, it should be.

Grand romantic gestures.

That's what it's all about.

Declarations. Heart on the line.

Life-changing kind of stuff.

That's what I was going for

back there in the toilets.

Actions, you know. More than words.

Jesus!

Taught myself to drive

with just my left hand.

Pretty useful, I can tell you.

- Are we here?

- Yep, we're here.

OK, OK, OK. Erm...

- Oh, what number is it?

- 74.

Go, go, go! Bon chance, mon amigo.

Whoo!

Idiot, idiot, idiot...

I should have just said...

"Don't go,

come with me to the party."

I can't hear her.

Go easy, Nancy, it is a partition wall.

- Something about a party?

- This party?

And I was gonna bring him here

and everything.

The man on the phone?

The strange man

you were on a date with?

- You should have.

- Didn't go well?

No, it did go really well.

- Oh, no, it's not a good thing.

- Boo, boo.

Come on, my lovely,

just tell us what happened.

OK.

- I'll get that.

- OK. So...

- What are you doing here?

- Is Nancy here?

Are you the strippergram?

What? No, I'm not. What are you...?

- Nancy, I had to come and find you.

- How did you...?

- I couldn't just leave it like that.

- Oh, my God. Nancy, is this...

- Oh, it's marvellous.

- We've got a chair for you.

- A chair? For me?

- Yeah.

Oh, that sounds lovely.

Hello, nice to see you.

- We've got a lot of people here.

- Oh, party time. Hello, everybody.

Hello, I'm Sean.

Ooh, strawberries. Favourite!

I loves me strawberries.

No.

Everybody, everyone!

Everybody, everybody!

- This is...

- It's Jack!

He's looking for...

Who are you looking for again?

Nancy. Is this a 40th party?

Nancy! Nancy, are you here?

- I'm Nancy.

- I'm Nancy.

I'm Nancy!

No, no, no, no, no, you're not.

None of you are Nancy.

Nancy is 34, not 15 or whatever.

There's a girl being sick in the sink.

This is terrible.

Come here, sweetheart. Let it all out.

There you go.

Listen, Nancy is... she's got

very cool hair and a lovely face and...

Come on, please. Nancy Patterson.

Anybody help me with Nancy Patterson?

Wait! Nancy Patterson?

- Yes!

- She used to be my old baby-sitter.

- Can you take me to her?

- Yes, I can.

Yes!

Thank you! Thank you very much.

Oh, we're all going, are we? OK.

Cos here I go again on my own

Going down the only road

I've ever known

Like a drifter,

I was born to walk alone

And I've made up my mind

I ain't wasting no more time

I'm just another heart

in need of rescue

Waiting on love's sweet charity

And I'm gonna hold on

for the rest of my days

Cos I know what it means

To walk along

the lonely street of dreams

And here I go again on my own

Going down the only road

I've ever known

Like a drifter,

I was born to walk alone

And I've made up my mind

I ain't wasting no more time

But here I go again

Here I go!

Ladies and gentlemen,

your attention, please.

I'm just... just gonna say

a few words. Er...

Er, I actually had

something prepared but...

I lost it. It's kind of a long story...

Actually, I'm just gonna tell you,

cos it's actually the reason

I was so late

and the reason why this speech

is gonna be so rubbish.

I met a man today.

- Hello.

- No, not this man.

I was standing underneath

the clock at Waterloo Station

when a man called Jack

mistook me for his blind date

and instead of just saying,

"Hey, you got the wrong girl,"

like a normal person, erm...

...I thought it was a good idea

to just pretend that I was his date.

No, you didn't?

I did. I did. But, but...

You know, we went out and, you know,

for the first time in ages,

I put myself out there,

and I took a chance,

and I even got stronger thighs.

Then Jack found out

I wasn't who I said I was,

a 24-year-old triathlete by the way.

- 24?

- Yeah.

And so he went to go

and meet his real blind date.

So blah, blah, blah, the end.

No, don't be sad. God, I'm not sad.

I'm a bit sad.

Er, but I'm also quite proud of myself

because I tried.

And, you know,

no, it didn't work out, but...

I got a hint of what

could be out there for me.

You know...

...a fun,...

...loving, crazy, contradictory,

long, happy life with someone.

Something that these two have had

since they first laid eyes on each other

40 years ago.

So, please...

...join me in toasting them and

wishing them a very happy anniversary.

To my mum and dad. To Bert and Fran.

- Mum and Dad.

- Bert and Fran.

Bert and Fran.

I liked that speech. I liked it a lot.

Cheers, Dad.

- Much better than last year's.

- Yeah, that wasn't very...

Come here.

Stronger thighs. I'm so proud of you.

Cheers, Elaine.

Just keep on going, my darling.

- You'll get there in the end.

- Thanks, Mummy.

So where's this Jack now?

He's at the window.

Nancy!

Nancy, it's me. Nancy! Nanc...

I'm gonna... I'm coming in.

Sorry. Sorry.

Hey.

Nancy, I thought

you might want your speech.

It's too late. I've...

- No, do you want your speech, Nancy?

- Er... Yes.

OK, good. Just be quiet

and let me give it to you, then.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls...

...erm, and friends

and members of Nancy's family

who I've never met before in my life.

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