Man Vs. Page #2

exactly how I'm gonna survive...

...these next five days.

As you can see, I started

building my shelter.

Now I'm using this large,

fallen branch,...

...and I'm laying in these

cedar branches at an angle.

It should keep me nice and toasty.

And the idea here is to

make sure that we, ow, oh!

Oh, f***, motherf***er!

Oh.

Okay, let's document that.

You see that?

That's right under the nail.

Oh, day one and I'm already bleeding.

Oh, that hurts.

One, two, three, oh!

Oh, that feels better.

And I'll clean myself up,

and get back to my shelter.

Hello there.

Yep, I just finished this tasty soda.

I'm gonna show you how to

start a fire using a soda can.

What you're gonna wanna do,...

...grab some earth, moist dirt,...

...and polish the bottom of the can.

I've been doing this one

for about a half hour.

That's right, a half hour

of constant polishing.

I'm very good at it.

No more f*** ups.

What we do is we place

the can in the position...

...so that the sun

can bounce right off it,...

...find a sweet spot, and

let the sun do its work.

Oh, oh, oh.

Yeah!

I have made fire!

Nobody cares.

I care.

Aw, come on, that's cool

no matter how you cut it.

Ooh, don't wanna burn the camera.

All right, more wood, more wood.

Hello, fearless leader, still alive?

Well, now that I hear

your sexy voice,...

...I have something to live for.

Hold up, Bill wants to talk to you.

Hey, pal, all good?

Yep, all settled in, just

checking in on you guys.

Is that music?

Oh, yeah, that's off Terry's laptop.

Hey, I gotta tell you, buddy.

Duncan set us up in a primo spot.

Angie was off getting beer all today,...

..I caught two good sized

trout, reeled 'em off,...

...now into Angie's scotch,

we're all a little drunk.

You know I'm sleeping

under a tree, right?

Nice, buddy.

That's why you're gonna be

famous in 11 different countries.

From your lips.

Hey, put Terry on.

Slim!

Hey, how's today's footage looking?

Pretty good.

Some minor f*** ups to cut around.

Oh, yeah, that's to be expected.

Smartass.

Hey, listen,

I've hiked into Gull Lake,...

...I've set up a shelter,

I'm gonna stay here.

So pick up will be the same

as drop off, got it?

Yeah.

All right, go back to

your little fancy party.

I'll talk to you guys in the morning.

And they're worried about me.

Something, uh--

Some sort of--

I guess it was a noise, woke me up.

I literally felt the Earth

shake beneath me.

Phew.

There's no storm.

Guess it was an earthquake.

They're rare, but they do happen.

I guess there are no aftershocks,

so, back in the sack.

Well, it's day two on

the Canadian Shield.

And even with a shelter and a fire,...

...it sure is nice

when the sun comes up.

Now the sun will be up--

Holy sh*t.

Look at that, look at that,

look, up, look.

It's like a perfect line

right down the lake.

Jesus, maybe it had something

to do with the sound...

...I heard last night.

That's no lightning.

Well, we gotta investigate this.

From wilderness show to detective show.

Follow me.

What the f***?

Look at that.

There's something in that water.

Sh*t.

Looks like we've got a visitor.

The important thing is to stay calm.

Just back away, get out

of Mr. Wolf's path.

Wow.

That's a large male.

He's getting ready to settle

in for a long, harsh winter,...

...so, he's ready

to pack all the pounds.

These fish here are going

to be a huge feast for him.

That's odd.

He just walked right by 'em.

I'd love fish tonight.

Still, maybe that wolf

knows something I don't.

Better safe than sorry.

Useless piece of sh*t.

Maybe it was a meteor.

That could knock out the

satellite reception with Terry.

I knew your geek facts

would come in handy.

A meteor.

I'm not gonna take

a chance on those fish.

Let's see if we can

trap some small game.

Okay, here we go.

See that?

That right there?

Those droppings, most likely rabbit.

I hate to kill any animal,

but in survival conditions,...

...everything's fair game.

That big fat rabbit sure would

be tasty right about now.

Let's see what we can do.

Now, one of the simplest,

most effective traps...

...is called the figure four deadfall.

And what you need for this

is three sticks and a big rock.

And it's very very simple.

Put a piece of bait just on

the tip of stick C over here,...

...our furry little friend

will crawl in...

...all curious and hungry,

and with any luck,...

...he'll trigger the trap.

And that will kill any small animal.

All right.

Now, let's set this up again

so you guys can see...

...how I did it.

You take a big rock, it's

heavier than it looks,...

...stick A, stick B, stick C.

You wanna make sure the

grooves and the notches...

...all line up.

You want a big rock.

Ah, okay.

Now for bait.

Rabbits love apples.

All right.

Now we wait.

All right.

There, don't say I never

did anything for you, Angie.

Okay, so, this morning

I set three traps.

Let's see if we got any food.

Oh, look at this.

Wait for it.

It looks like we got some food.

I'll tell ya, it'll be nice

to get some warm meat...

...in my belly.

Ah, can it be?

Two out of three, let's eat!

So, as you can see,

I've moved away from camp.

You don't want any dead

animals, blood or guts,...

...anywhere near where you're sleeping.

You'd invite unwelcome guests

like coyotes, wolves, a bear.

What you wanna do is take Bugs here,...

...lay him on his back like this.

Take your knife, you wanna

make a nice, long cut...

...from the breast all

the way down to the belly.

Once you've made the first cut,...

...you wanna work your

thumbs in and under the fur...

...all the way around.

Kind of like a giant tangerine.

Pull it apart, and when

you get down to the leg,...

...you need to snap it,

and make a shallow cut...

...all the way around the paw.

It should all slide off.

Next, a nice slice right

from the breastbone...

...down to the belly, this time

you wanna get deep.

And that reveals rabbit innards.

Mmm.

Okay, last but not least,

sorry, pal, cut off the head.

And there you have it, sumptuous

wild rabbit ready to cook.

Come on!

Useless piece of sh*t.

Can you hear me now?

Hey, babe.

I know things have been

really stressful lately.

I wanted to give you something

to keep you warm...

...and cozy in those freezing

cold nights out in the woods.

I know that you love it

out there but, just,...

...be careful, okay?

And we will be here when you get back.

And so will these.

I love you.

Yeah, I'm an ass.

So, whatever it is, it's back.

That's probably that wolf.

Wolves travel in packs,

so I'd be lying...

...if I said I wasn't a little nervous.

Between a wolf pack and a bear,

I'd take a bear any day.

Let's have some more food.

So, just finished my first rabbit.

Delicious.

While I could easily eat the second,...

...it's probably a wise idea

to save it for tomorrow.

After all, my traps may yield nothing...

...and I don't wanna be hungry tomorrow.

But I don't wanna keep

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