Manny Lewis Page #3

and get the f*** off the phone.

Hi. Maria speaking.

Oh, hi. It's Manny from down the cafe.

Oh, hi, Manny. How are you?

Yeah, I'm good.

How are you?

It was warm today, wasn't it?

Yeah, a little bit.

I was just wondering, are you

doing anything on Saturday night?

Saturday I'm busy. I'm sorry.

Oh, OK. Well, what about Sunday?

No, Sunday, I'm busy all day and night.

Oh.

OK, well, maybe I'll just see you around

some time.

Um, I'm not busy tonight.

If you're free tonight.

Yeah, I am. I forgot about tonight.

That would be good.

Great!

Perfect! Alright, I'll see you then.

OK.

Yeah!

This Charming Man

Jesus.

Can you be normal tonight,

is that possible?

Just be normal.

Don't tell her about your colonic.

You know what,

don't even talk about your arse.

Just leave your arse

out of the conversation.

When she talks, listen, you know?

Don't glaze over while she's talking,

otherwise you look bored.

You might be a bit bored at some point.

That's cool.

Just don't let on that you're bored.

Don't act sexy, whatever that is.

We can't be sexy.

I'm not sexy. You sexy? Nobody's sexy.

Pay for the meal. That's a good idea,

'cause you asked her out.

That's the law.

If you ask them out, you've got to pay.

Don't shovel the food in your mouth

like a guts, even though you are a guts.

Just pretend that you're not a guts,

for one night.

Can you do that, please?

Just be normal, alright?

Normal.

He always does that.

First time I came here, I got beers.

Now every time I come here, he gives me

beer before I have a chance to order.

I kind of like it, even though

I don't feel like beer sometimes.

Would you mind if I had wine?

He might get pissed off.

He's from Czechoslovakia.

They're all a bit depressed there.

Excuse me?

Could I get a glass of red wine, please?

OK.

It's alright. I'll have hers.

I feel like two anyway.

Hey, look, it's a mandorla.

- What's a mandorla?

- Mandorla is the almond shape

that the two circles make

when they overlap.

That's the mandorla.

Right.

Yo, funny guy!

Mate, great!

- Friend of yours?

- Yeah, no.

I know him from work and stuff.

I know. I've seen you perform.

Oh, yeah? Hope you got a few laughs.

- Yeah, I did.

- Just a few?

Oh, no. I thought it was really funny.

All of it?

Do you like feedback about your show?

Sort of. I mean,

over the years, I've heard it all.

Some people say I'm great,

some people say I'm sh*t.

No, I loved it.

Manny, I think you're really funny.

But, um,

if you don't mind me being honest,

you looked a bit tired.

I am.

20 years of telling people what I think,

what I reckon...

I mean, I like making people laugh,

but I'm worn out.

Anyway, what do you do?

Um...

I work in a call centre.

Oh, yeah? What do you call people about?

All sorts of stuff.

Mysterious! What sort of stuff?

Just all sorts of jobs.

It's confidential.

You know you've got a really nice voice?

Really feminine and calming.

Thank you.

If I didn't know you

and I was talking to you on the phone,

I'd think you were really sexy.

I wouldn't tell you what to do,

but you could make a lot of money,

using your voice.

There's something I should tell you.

Radio commercials and GPS

and fantasy hotlines.

I'm not saying you do that, but...

Anyway, that's just what I reckon.

Sorry. What were you saying?

I... I forget.

Thanks for saying all that.

I should go.

You've probably got things to do.

Oh, OK.

No... I'm sure you're busy too.

Yeah. Anyway...

OK.

I'm up for another drink if you are.

Sure.

Right.

I know this really nice place

around the corner.

Let's go.

Mambo!

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

Mm, salt.

- I love salsa.

- Yeah?

What do you like about it?

- Look how happy they all are.

- Yeah.

- It's pretty sexy.

- Yeah.

Can you salsa?

Yeah, probably when I'm pissed,

do my own version.

- You want to give it a go?

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Ah...

- Come on.

- Come on!

Hang on.

OK:

Hello?

Hi, it's Manny.

You know, the guy from the awkward hug

in the street?

Yeah.

I just wanted to say,

thanks for tonight. I enjoyed it.

And um, see you soon.

See you soon.

Alright. Oh, by the way,

I'm not stalking you.

Alright. See ya.

Bye.

Probably should have waited

a couple of days before I called her.

Wait for what,

some other bloke to call her?

I don't want to look too desperate.

I am desperate!

I don't go out with anyone.

You can't look too keen.

What do you want to look like, then... a

f***ing zombie who doesn't give a sh*t?

That's attractive.

Hello?

Caroline?

Thomas?

I haven't heard from you in awhile.

Believe it or not, I've met a girl.

How's it going?

Mm, good.

Just 'good'?

It's got potential.

But, you know,

the normal stuff comes up.

You know... you always

find something wrong with them.

Like what?

Nothing serious. Just normal stuff.

I mean, it's just boring.

Oh, no. This is interesting.

Well, I feel bad for saying it, but...

she makes this noise with her lips

when she's eating.

What noise?

'Mm-num-num-num...'

Drives me nuts.

Yeah.

So what else bothers you about her?

She's a bit straight.

Straight?

Yeah, just a bit old-fashioned.

But, you know, I can get around that.

Well, there must be something you like

about her.

Do you find her attractive?

Yeah.

Well, what do you mean, 'yeah'?

Well, she's not a glamour,

but I don't like glamours anyway.

I like girls that look like

they want to make soup and watch DVDs.

I don't know. I always feel this way.

I start going out with someone,

I feel like bolting at the same time.

Why?

Getting close to someone

and all that stuff.

I just get scared.

But I like her.

She looks to me in the eye

when she's talking to me.

I've been having fun with her.

She's great.

Dad, can I please go

and play with the ducks, please?

Yes, mate. Off you go.

Ever think about leaving your wife and

kids and going back to your old life?

Every day.

Why don't you?

'Cause I love my family.

Fair enough.

You should have one, you know.

I reckon you'd love it.

A bit of balance in your life

instead of performing all the time.

Yeah, I know. I'm not against it.

Just got to get a girlfriend first.

Well, stop fart-arseing around

and get one.

Sure. What else am I going to do,

sit around and blow-dry my pubes?

Right. So that's a yes, then?

Yeah, alright.

Ethan! Don't piss on the ducks, son.

- Hello.

- Hi.

Come in.

Oh!

- Wow!

- Yeah.

My God, you have the harbour

and the city.

When I'm feeling happy,

I look at the harbour

and when I'm feeling depressed,

I look at the city.

When I don't feel anything at all,

I just stare at the carpet.

Do you want a cup of tea?

That'd be great.

Mm, yum!

Iced VoVos. I love Iced VoVos.

- Do you?

- Mm-hm.

- Ever do that thing?

- What thing?

You know, where you take the

pink stripes off first, then leave...

I'll show you.

- Watching?

- I'm watching.

Mm...

What's so good about the red bit?

I don't know.

I've been doing it since I was a kid.

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