Margot At The Wedding Page #3

We'll get married

in the f***ing driveway if we have to.

Your mom started a war.

We have to make sure we wear shoes,

because they might

start throwing glass.

- Has that happened before?

- I can't remember. I think so.

No, it definitely has. Now I remember.

- Where you going?

- To town. I'll be back for dinner.

Come on, Margot, nobody blames you.

- Is that Dick Koosman?

- Yeah. He has a house up here.

- What's he doing with Mom?

- Good question.

Dick and his daughter asked us over

to swim tomorrow.

We didn't invite them to the wedding.

You're not really friends.

We're friends enough that it's awkward.

Maisy baby-sits for us all the time.

He's doing the interview with me

in town on Friday.

Did I tell you he and I are collaborating

on a screenplay?

An adaptation of one of Dick's novels.

No, I didn't even know you knew

he was up here.

Is he even a good writer?

Why do people care about him?

You're competitive with everyone.

It doesn't even matter

if they do the same thing as you.

He's competitive with Bono.

It's true. I don't subscribe to the credo

that there's enough room

for everyone to be successful.

I think there are only

a few spots available,

and people like Dick Koosman

and Bono are taking them up.

Malcolm, what would ever make

you think that's something

to draw right now?

Sorry.

I wasn't thinking about it. Sorry, Margot.

You found it.

- Hi!

- Hey, Maisy.

Thank you, Pauline.

- Hi.

- How are you?

- What's up?

- I don't wanna do this.

- Come on, don't be that way.

- No, I'm not being that way.

I just don't feel like it.

I'm gonna go back and...

I have work to do.

Dick doesn't care

that you don't make any money.

Is that what you... That's not why.

I just hate swimming. I really hate it.

It's disgusting to me.

My mistake was saying

I would do it to begin with.

You have fun.

Fine. We'll have fun.

People always pee in the pool.

I don't think Dick and Maisy pee

in their pool.

I'll bet you $500 there's pee in that pool.

To the end and back.

Claude, you say go.

Okay. Go!

- How's your dad?

- Good.

He and I shared a thesis advisor

at Stanford. Did you know that?

No.

I was dating your mom back then.

Did you know that?

No.

- Pauline wins! Mom cheated.

- I did not.

You didn't touch the wall, Margot.

It doesn't matter. Lost anyway.

It was close.

Maisy, aren't you going swimming?

Claude!

Are you okay?

I got him!

It's okay, baby.

- I'm sorry I laughed about the tree.

- Now we're even.

- You've got a problem.

- What do you mean?

I don't like the girl,

and I don't like the way

Malcolm looks at her.

Come on, it's sexy.

No, you didn't see it.

I saw it. You've got a problem.

I'm not worried.

Maybe teach Claude how to swim.

He won't want to do it. It's too late.

- Are you supposed to be doing that?

- No.

I liked your last story. Was it Harper's?

The one about Mom.

I was very... I liked it very much.

- It wasn't really about Mom.

- I thought it was.

Anyway. Why don't you want

Claude to know how to swim?

I didn't say I didn't want him to.

Why do you care?

It's not in his life. We're New Yorkers.

If he wants to learn when he's older,

he can.

I'm curious why you're so

interested in the whole thing.

I'm not. It's just as a safety thing.

Forget it.

It's interesting.

This is the first time

Dick has invited us over.

Are you really friends?

Well, we're neighbours.

We employ Maisy.

I mean, I don't care.

I just think it's interesting.

Are you excited about the talk?

I'd like to come, if it's okay.

My friend Blair asked me, "What's it like

to have a celebrity as a sister?"

I said I've got no problem with celebrity.

Alice Munro spoke at Bennington

and was sort of a friend of mine.

- I'm not a celebrity.

- Well, you're well-known.

- To a very few people.

- Just accept the compliment.

I guess I didn't realize

it was a compliment.

I know a girl from a lonely street

Cold as ice cream, but still as sweet

Dry your eyes, Sunday girl

Hey, I saw your guy with a different girl

Looks like he's in another world

Go on and hide, Sunday girl

She can't catch up

Singing?

A bit.

Can I make a suggestion?

You should get underarm deodorant.

You kind of smell.

Better I tell you than someone else.

- I think you smell nice. You smell real.

- I stink.

- It causes cancer.

- Underarm deodorant?

It's got chemicals and other things

which are extremely harmful.

I'm not gonna die

from underarm cancer.

No, you'll get it somewhere else,

like your stomach or your testicles.

- Testicles?

- Don't laugh. It's a serious thing.

Who told you about this anyway?

- Maisy?

- Yeah.

I hope you're not interested in that girl.

I find her insufferable.

What does that mean?

It means I can't suffer her.

She's loud and stupid.

And she goes on about things

of which she knows nothing about.

She got into Harvard early.

Stupid people get into Harvard early

all the time.

- Where did you go again?

- Barnard.

I just don't think

you should do anything with her.

We're just friends.

If you do, use a condom.

Where are you going?

Out with Pauline and Malcolm and Dick.

Are kids coming?

Who do we know is gay?

How do I know

what gay people you know?

- Alan and Toby.

- And Bruce. He's gay and Asperger's.

- I don't know if Bruce is gay.

- He might be. It's very common.

- Your mom's pregnant.

- No, she isn't.

- She is.

- How do you know that, Claude?

She told my mom. But you can tell.

She's hormonally weird.

Holy sh*t, Ingrid.

You're gonna have

a baby sister or brother.

My mom thinks your mom is unreliable.

Who cares?

- Do you think your mom is fuckable?

- I don't know.

I think she's hot, your mother.

I'd do her if I was gay.

I might anyway,

I mean, if she came on to me.

She won't.

I'm not gonna do anyone.

- What was that?

- This is scary.

Margot used to never speak.

I remember we went on a double date

in high school.

And that kid Ron asked

if English was your first language.

It's true. I used to think

I had some kind of brain defect.

- You thought you were aphasic.

- I'm still not sure.

- Jesus, Margot.

- It's very possible, Paul.

It's just, your diagnoses sometimes irk

the hell out of me.

- Malcolm, will you slow down?

- What?

I can drive, if you like.

Nah. You got the dinner.

The driving's on me.

Well, I'll let you pay your half

if you slow down.

Well, neither Pauline nor I

ordered dessert.

Let it go, Malcolm.

Margot would insist on driving,

if she knew how.

My license elapsed, but I know how.

It's probably for the best.

I have this theory. I think, historically,

women have been held back in so many

ways that when they get power

like they do behind the wheel,

they can't help but abuse it.

It's akin to Hannah Arendt's

Eichmann theory about

prison guards and prisoners

switching roles.

- That's a charming philosophy.

- Yeah, tell that one a lot.

This isn't a blanket thing.

I mean, women can be great drivers too.

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