Mary and Martha

My name is Mary Morgan,

and this is the story

of me and Martha.

I'm telling it to you

because it's still

all a surprise to me.

We start in April last year.

I haven't met Martha

at this point.

This is where I live.

BOY:
Oh, God!

Oh! Oh! Ugh!

Got it!

It is officially

the smallest splinter

ever removed from a human foot.

That doesn't mean

it didn't hurt.

Oh, you are the biggest girl!

Although I don't know

why I say that

because I'm a girl,

and I never made

a sound like that.

Really did hurt.

MAN:
Oh, I'm sure it did.

Somebody get me a microscope.

Come on, guys.

We got to get moving.

And don't forget that

I have book club tonight,

which means you two heroes

are on your own for dinner.

Will you please make it something

other than takeout pizza?

Never.

Extra pepperoni?

What's the book?

It's called "Birdsong."

The definitive novel

on World War I.

Pretty serious stuff.

WOMAN:
Ben?

Ben!

What?

You're nearly 15 minutes late.

You're gonna miss the train.

No, I won't.

Yes, you will!

No, I won't, because

I'm a young person,

and therefore,

I travel faster than you,

who's getting quite old now.

You cheeky bugger.

Now some tea and cake?

No! Your totally

too late for tea.

Now go on, get out the door

before you're really

in trouble.

All right. Just...

just make me a slice of toast, will you,

while I put on my shoes?

Give me strength.

BEN:
Mum?

What?!

Where are my shoes?

Hey!

Come and talk to your mom.

One second.

I'm almost finished

with my jungle city.

Gonna build Death Star later.

OK.

It's your choice,

though I may just turn

into a Death Star if you

never speak to me again.

Take him! Take him!

Coming at you!

Go on, Benji!

Tackle the ginger bastard!

Come on!

Ohh!

Ha ha ha!

[SHEEP BLEATING]

George, bed.

George?

George.

WOMAN:
And pel lift.

We have 5 of these.

Just move through mud.

Keep the lower back drawn down,

navel into the spine.

In and...

And he writes

like a 5-year-old.

And that goon Scanlon.

He spends 90% of

his time preparing

the kids for tests,

and the other 10% when they can

actually be learning something,

they're watching DVDs.

Huh.

I mean, they're supposed to be

studying Greek history,

and they're watching

"Clash of the Titans."

Alice, it's not funny.

I'm telling you,

something's gonna change.

Oh, I don't know, you know?

I mean, I think maybe

you should take it

a bit easy on George

at the moment.

Take it easy? What?

This is precisely the time

I've got to save him.

He's my only son.

I've got to hone him.

Yes, but I'm sure he's

feeling pretty sensitive

with the whole bullying thing.

What bullying thing?

What bullying?

Apparently he's getting

bullied at school,

and he doesn't want

to talk about it,

and I hear about it from

goddamned Alice in Pilates.

All right.

Well, I'll call the principal

and make an appointment

immediately.

I'll fix it.

I don't know if I can wait.

No, you'll wait, OK?

This is serious.

We'll do it properly.

MAN:
Mary?

Mary, I would strongly

advise we take this slowly.

You know, these things are always

more complex than they seem.

OK. OK.

The first battles

of the War of the Revolution

were fought at Lexington and...

MAN:
Uh, Ted.

Sorry to disturb.

Mrs. Morgan and I would just like

to have a quick word with you.

Right, but first,

I'd like to have

a quick word

with Felix and Matthew

because your asses

are mine, you little thugs.

Oh, my God.

Don't swear.

Did you honestly think that

was gonna make it better?

Yeah, I did.

Well, you were wrong.

It's hard enough making

friends without your mom

making enemies.

I'm sorry.

[BELL RINGS]

And I was stupid.

Are we gonna go?

Shh. I'm thinking.

I'm leaving you.

Excuse me?

I'm leaving you.

Is it because of my strictly

sexual affair with Anita?

You're having an

affair with Anita?

Well, maybe I am,

maybe I'm not.

I'm trying to guess why you

would possibly want to leave me.

OK. Well,

I'm not leaving you permanently,

but I do want to ask you

if I can take George out

of school, take him away

and teach him myself

and have an adventure.

You know,

I just think he'll do better with me

than in the hands of the people

who are teaching him now.

Honey, can't we just take him away

for the summer like normal people?

No. That's two

months away.

We'll lose him inside

his computer by then.

You know, in the school,

they didn't even know

that those kids

were bullying him.

I don't know.

Taking him out of school is... is extreme.

Yeah, it's extremely fun,

and I think it

should be abroad.

Is this the start of a long and

serious conversation with me,

his father,

or have you made up your mind?

Guess.

Yes!

What is it?

They said yes!

They... they thought

I was brilliant.

It doesn't actually

say that, does it?

Well no, but it implies it.

The implication of every

word is they think

that I'm totally brilliant.

"Thank you for your

application,

which we have

accepted."

Yeah. What

do you think?

Well done, darling.

Do you know what?

I am so proud of you,

you great, stupid lump,

though I wish you were

going somewhere sensible

like France

or Belgium or somewhere.

Mum, France is too small.

I'm a big boy.

I need a big continent.

Get your feet off.

MAN:
Just two hours

north of Johannesburg,

but, uh, a million miles

from the world

as you might know it.

For less than you could

live at home,

let my family and I treat you

to a true African adventure.

The 3-bedroom house

is surrounded

by 500 acres...

What do you think

about South Africa?

Best scenery in the world,

best animals in the world,

totally affordable.

You know, nice but real.

You're really serious

about this, huh?

Yes!

I want to be

an extraordinary mom,

and to be an extraordinary mom,

I have to, at some point,

do something extraordinary.

Come with us.

Be an extraordinary dad.

Oh, that's fair.

I have 25 employees.

I know.

Bye.

Have a good day.

Love you.

Love you, too.

MAN ON TV:
This is a soup

kitchen for the striking miners.

Right at the bottom?

I'm reliably informed it's

absolute heaven there.

So what exactly is your job?

What subject are you teaching?

I don't know.

Everything.

I'll... I'll do sport,

reading, English.

MAN:
You're

teaching English?

Sure as hell am.

Better learn how to speak

it properly yourself

first, then.

Oh, don't be so stuffy.

So will there be other

English people there?

I don't know.

Don't care.

I've met thousands

of English people.

I want to meet people

who aren't English.

Dad?

Yeah?

Will you buy me a nice, big,

really expensive camera

so I can take

millions of photos

while I'm out there?

No, I won't.

Thank you.

Brilliant.

MARY:
OK.

I have something huge to say.

Ready?

Are you having another baby?

No.

It's not that.

It's not that.

Good because nobody

really likes to think

about their parents having...

Yeah, I know.

It's disgusting.

Well, it is.

Take a deep breath

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