Mary Poppins Page #8

Mr. Banks:

Winifred, I should like to make a slight differentiation between the word cheerful and just plain

giddy irresponsibility.

Mrs. Banks:

Excuse me, dear. Posts, everyone, please!

Mr. Banks:

I have no objection to anyone being cheerful or pleasant. But I do expect a certain decorum. I

can tell you one thing, Winifred. I don't propose standing idly by and letting that woman, Mary

Poppins, undermine the discipline and-- there's something odd, I may say extremely odd about

the behavior of this household since that woman arrived. And I want you to know that I've

noticed it!

Mrs. Banks:

Yes, dear.

Mr. Banks:

One thing more.

Mrs. Banks:

Yes, dear?

Mr. Banks:

I suggest you have this piano repaired. When I sit down to an instrument, I like to have it in tune.

Mrs. Banks:

But, George, you don't play.

Mr. Banks:

Madam, that is entirely beside the point!

Mary Poppins:

Now, let me see. First of all, we must go to the piano tuners. And then we go to Mrs. Cory's sh--

Mrs. Cory's shop for some gingerbread.

Jane:

Ah, gingerbread!

Mary Poppins:

And then we go to the fishmonger's, I think, for a nice dover sole and a pint of prawns. Uh,

Michael, stop stravaging along behind.

Admiral Boom:

Ahoy, there! Ahoy! Good day to you!

Mary Poppins:

Good morning, Admiral.

Admiral Boom:

Michael, what fine adventure are we off upon today? Going to fight the Hottentots? Dig for buried

treasure?

Michael:

We're going to buy some fish.

Admiral Boom:

Very good! Proceed at flank speed.

Michael:

Aye, aye, sir.

Admiral Boom:

Let's put our backs into it, lad. More spit and polish. That's what's wanted around here.

Jane:

It's Andrew!

Mary Poppins:

Uh, not so fast, please. I can't understand a word you're saying. Again? Och! Oh, the poor man!

Bless you. Well, yes, of course. There's not a moment to lose. I'll go straightaway. And thank

you very much.

Jane:

What did he say?

Mary Poppins:

He said, "you're welcome."

Jane:

What else did he say?

Michael:

I don't think he said anything.

Mary Poppins:

You know best, as usual.

Jane:

I thought we were gonna buy some fish.

Mary Poppins:

There's been a change of plans. Come along, please. Don't straggle.

Andrew, worrying won't help anyone. Why don't you go home and put your feet up?

Oh, Bert, I'm glad you're here.

Bert:

I came over the moment I heard.

Mary Poppins:

Well, how is he?

Bert:

I've never seen him as bad as this, and that's the truth.

Mary Poppins:

Oh!

Bert:

How about them? It's contagious, you know.

Jane:

Shall we get spots?

Mary Poppins:

Oh, highly unlikely.

Oh, uncle Albert!

Uncle Albert:

Oh, bless me. Bless my soul. It's Mary Poppins! I'm delight-- -I'm delighted to see you, Mary.

Mary Poppins:

Uncle Albert, you promised!

Uncle Albert:

Oh, I kn-- I know, I-- but I tried. Really, I did, my dear. I-- but I so enjoy laughing, you know? And,

well-- and when I start, it's all up with the-- that's what happens to me. I love to laugh! Oh, my

goodness! I can't help it. You can see that. I just like laughing, that's all.

Mary Poppins:

Jane, don't you dare! You'll only make him worse. It's really quite serious!

Bert:

Yes, whatever you do, keep a straight face. Last time, it took us three days to get him down.

Uncle Albert:

I love to laugh

Loud and long and clear

I love to laugh

It's getting worse every year

The more I laugh

The more I fill with glee

Mary Poppins:

You're no help at all.

Uncle Albert:

The more the glee

The more I'm a merrier me

It's embarrassing.

The more I'm a merrier me

Mary Poppins:

Some people laugh through their noses

Sounding something like this -- dreadful!

Some people laugh through their teeth, goodness sakes

Hissing and fizzing like snakes

Not at all attractive to my way of thinking.

Bert:

Some laugh too fast

Some only blast

Others, they twitter like birds

Mary Poppins:

You know, you're as bad as he is.

Bert:

Then there's that kind what can't make up their mind

Uncle Albert:

When things strike me as funny I can't hide it inside

And squeak as the squeakelers do

I've got to let go with a ho ho ho ho

And laugh too

How nice! I was hoping you'd turn up.

Bert:

Turn up!

Uncle Albert:

We always have such a jolly time.

Uncle Albert & Bert:

We love to laugh

Loud and long and clear

We love to laugh

So everybody can hear

The more you laugh

Mary Poppins:

Whoops, don't you two start. Come back down here.

Uncle Albert & Bert:

The more you fill with glee

The more the glee

The more we're a merrier we

Uncle Albert:

Oh, welcome, children! Welcome! Make yourselves comfortable.

Bert:

That's right. Pull up a chair.

Uncle Albert:

Oh, pull up--

Mary Poppins:

I must say, you're a sight, the lot of you!

Bert:

Speaking of sight, it reminds me of me brother. He's got a nice cushy job in a watch factory.

Uncle Albert:

In a watch factory? What does he do?

Bert:

He stands about all day and makes faces!

Uncle Albert:

He makes faces in a watch fact-- you made that up.

Bert:

I know.

Uncle Albert:

That's so good!

Mary Poppins:

Such behaviour! Well, it's the most disgraceful sight I've ever seen, or my name isn't Mary

Poppins.

Bert:

Speaking of names, I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith.

Uncle Albert:

What's the name of his other leg? Wasn't that funny? What's the name of his other--

Mary Poppins:

Now, then, children, it's time for tea. I will not have my schedule interrupted.

Uncle Albert:

Oh, please stay. Look, I have a splendid tea all ready for you.

Mary Poppins:

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