Mary Poppins Page #9

And it's getting cold!

Uncle Albert:

Well, I had hoped that maybe, that you would just, that-- splendid! Thank you very much! Keep

your feet back. Mind the bread and butter. Now, watch it, children.

Bert:

I knew she could bring it off. And a proper tea it is, too.

Mary Poppins:

Next thing, I suppose, you'll be wanting me to pour out. Oh, well. If I must, I must. If you'll just

stop behaving like a pack of laughing hyenas! Two lumps, uncle Albert?

Uncle Albert:

Yes, please.

Mary Poppins:

Uh, Bert?

Bert:

Uh, no, no, thank you. No sugar for me.

Jane:

I'm so glad you came. It wouldn't be any fun without you.

Mary Poppins:

Here, and you may pour some milk for Michael and yourself.

Bert:

Nice weather we're having this time of year, don't you think?

Uncle Albert:

Oh, yeah. Uh, speaking of weather, the other day when it was so cold, a friend of mine went to

buy some long underwear, you know. The shopkeeper said to him, "How long do you want it?"

and my friend said, "Well, from about September to March."

Mary Poppins:

Jane! Control yourself! Children, will you please sit up properly at the table? Your tea, uncle

Albert.

Uncle Albert:

Oh, thank you, my dear. I'm having such a good time. I wish that you could all stay up here all

the time.

Michael:

We'll jolly well have to. There's no way to get down.

Uncle Albert:

Oh, no, there is a way. Frankly I, I don't like to mention it, because you have to think of

something sad.

Mary Poppins:

Then do get on with it, please!

Uncle Albert:

Let me see. I've got the very thing. Yesterday when the lady next door answered the bell, there

was a man there. And the man said to the lady, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat."

Jane:

Oh, that's sad.

Michael:

The poor cat.

Uncle Albert:

And then the man said, "I'd like to replace your cat." and the lady said, "That's all right with me,

but how are you at catching mice?"

Well, you know I started out sad. I, I try, really I do. But, but everything ends up so hilarious, I

can't-- I can't help--

Mary Poppins:

That will be quite enough of that! It's time to go home.

Jane:

Oh, that is sad.

Michael:

Oh, no!

Uncle Albert:

Oh, that's sad. That's the saddest thing I ever heard.

Mary Poppins:

Come along, children. Spit spot!

Uncle Albert:

Must you really go? You know, people come to see me all the time, you know. And, and we have

such a lovely time, and then they have to go home. And, and I'm very, very sad about the whole

thing.

Michael:

Don't worry. We'll come back soon.

Jane:

We had a lovely time.

Mary Poppins:

Uh, keep an eye on uncle Albert, will you, Bert?

Bert:

I'll sit with him a while.

Mary Poppins:

Thank you. Come on.

Bert:

Uncle Albert, I got a jolly joke I saved for just such an occasion. Would you like to hear it?

Uncle Albert:

I'd be so grateful.

Bert:

Righto. Well, it's about me granddad, see? And one night, he had a nightmare, he did. So

scared that he chewed his pillow to bits. Yes. To bits.

Uncle Albert:

Yes.

Bert:

Next morning I says, "How do you feel, granddad?"

Uncle Albert:

Yes.

Bert:

He says, "Oh, not bad. A little down in the mouth!"

Yeah, I always say there's nothing like a good joke.

Uncle Albert:

No. And that was nothing like a good joke! That-

Admiral Boom:

Bit late tonight, aren't you, Banks? I say, Banks! Is anything the matter, Banks? Banks!

Jane:

Oh, Father, we're so glad you're home!

Michael:

Want to hear a joke?

Jane:

We had the most wonderful afternoon with Mary Poppins.

Michael:

Speaking of afternoons, the joke goes like this. I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith.

Mr. Banks:

Smith? We don't know anyone called Smith.

Michael:

And there was a second chap, and the second chap says, "What's the name of his other leg?"

Jane:

And we had a lovely tea party on the ceiling!

Mr. Banks:

Oh, children, please be quiet.

Jane:

Mary Poppins says if we're good, she'll take us there again.

Mr. Banks:

Oh. Oh, Mary Poppins said that, did she? Will you please return to your room. Mary Poppins,

will you be kind enough to come with me?

Mary Poppins:

As you wish.

Mr. Banks:

Mary Poppins, I very much regret what I must say to you.

Mrs. Banks:

Good evening, George. Is anything the matter?

Mr. Banks:

I'm afraid there is.

Mrs. Banks:

I, I'd love to stay, but I have to dress for my rally in Hampstead.

Mr. Banks:

Winifred, it is my wish that you be present!

Mrs. Banks:

Oh, yes, George, of course.

Mr. Banks:

Mary Poppins, I must confess I am extremely disappointed in you.

Ellen:

She's for it now. I've heard the master do this speech before.

Mr. Banks:

I don't deny that I am partially responsible for allowing the children to spend their days on

worthless frivolity to the exclusion of all else! But it is high time they learned the seriousness of

life!

Mrs. Banks:

But, George, they're only children.

Mr. Banks:

Precisely. And in the light of what has happened--

Mrs. Banks:

George, are you certain you know what you're doing?

Mr. Banks:

I believe I do, Winifred.

A British bank is run with precision

A British home requires nothing less

Tradition, discipline and rules

Must be the tools

Without them disorder, chaos, moral disintegration

In short you have a ghastly mess

Mary Poppins:

I quite agree.

Mr. Banks:

The children must be molded shaped and taught

That life's a looming battle to be faced and fought

In short, I am disturbed to hear my children talking about popping in and out of chalk pavement

pictures, consorting with racehorse persons, fox hunting. Yes, well I don't mind that quite so

much. At any rate, it's traditional. But tea parties on the ceiling? I ask you. Having tea parties on

the ceiling and highly-questionable outings of every other kind!

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