Massacre on Aisle 12 Page #7

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leave. I have the gun. You and

the Scooby gang can't beat that

no matter how hard you try.

Why don't you just

split it with us?

Because when more than

one person is in on a secret,

the secret gets out.

You see one guy, one secret.

One guy, one druggie

b*tch and one punk kid,

Mr. Kipper

the secret gets blown.

Who's the dead guy?

Mr. Kipper

how the hell should I know?

I figure Pharms did it.

He was always a

closet sicko type.

We all assumed it was you.

Mr. Kipper

of course you did...

I know what you

all assumed about me.

Homo Kipper...

Cock sucker Kipper.

Oh believe me I know.

But I know all the secrets.

You see, I know about under

cover action Jackson.

About the drugs. About the

stealing. See I know it all.

Sometimes, playing dumb

works to your advantage.

I guess it does.

So now we wait.

Fine.

Fine.

Son of a b*tch.

Dave what's that?

Oh nothing.

Say Dave. Would you still

consider splitting the money,

even though I tried to kill you?

Change of heart now Mr. Kipper?

You might say that.

What brought that on?

I'm out of bullets.

You're out of bullets.

Yes...

Okay. Why don' you go ahead

and toss the gun out here.

Oh, of course.

Oh. Oops, sorry. I missed.

Dave

okay. I'm coming in.

Damn it Dave. You lied.

Damn!

Jack Tara!

Tara

sh*t! God!

You scared the crap out of me.

We all thought you were dead.

So did I.

But I decided to stick

around for a little while.

Tara can I have some.

Come on! Sharing is caring.

And what do I get?

Ew! I am not f***ing

you right now.

Why not?

Because you look like

a flesh eaten zombie.

So... sharing is

caring you just said so.

That was before your flesh

got burnt off by acid.

Oh come on!

Seriously?

You've done so much worse.

You let those eight Mexicans run

a train on you at olive garden

because they said they'd

give you endless salad.

That's free.

Everybody gets that.

Come on Tara... please....

Ah! Oh my god!

Ah! I swear to

god I'll be fast.

I'm fast. Faster than

a car alarm even.

Come on and just,

just f*** me please Tara

fine!

Yay!

Jack

uh! Oh! That's so good.

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah... oops!

You know Dave, I don't

even have the money.

Dave?

Mr. Kipper

Dave? Dave?

Jack

hey new guy. You alive?

Dave I need help.

Hey listen. I'd love to

stay and chat about it.

You know the line.

Dead relatives welcoming

you and all but,

I have absolutely got to

go and kill Mr. Kipper.

Hey, check this out.

I'm gonna use a chain saw.

Isn't that wicked?

Dave let me go.

Jack you are absolutely

not even into this.

Dave I need an ambulance, Jack.

Jack hey, I'll make you a deal.

After I cut Kipper into bits...

I'll come back and

dice you up too.

Quickly though... okay?

Jack

what? I can't hear you.

Chain saw!

I'll be back!

Hey, you didn't tell me

black Jack was dead.

Maybe I'll chop him up too.

Mr. Kipper

ah! Ah, ah, no!

Mr. Kipper

oh Dave, Dave...

Dave

wait! Wait!

What? What?

You're out of bullets.

Oh the hell I am. It's a six

shot. There's one left.

Dave Pharms, Otto, Jack. You

fired at me three times.

No, no. I shot you twice.

Dave no wait, wait, wait...

Who's the dead guy?

I don't know!

And I don't think

we'll ever know.

You killed him.

No! No, no, no!

But I think I know who did.

Who was the one person

who wasn't with us

when we found the body?

Dave Pharms? Mr. Kipper no

Otto?

Uh-uh.

Santa Claus?

Are you serious?

Tara?

Please?

Jack?

Dave!

Black Jack?

No!

You?

No, no, no...

Mitch.

Who the f*** is Mitch?

Mitch Kalper.

He didn't show

up for work tonight

that's why you had to come in.

Oh please. Someone must

have mentioned that to you.

Ex-con. Did time for robbery...

Uh, got hired

because he sued us.

Corporate wanted to

keep it confidential

because... that's

the way they are.

Look but,

I was collecting evidence....

Because he was stealing...

And I was going to have

him arrested and fired.

I don't understand.

Oh! Forget

about it. Old news.

The point is, we're never going

to find out who killed that guy.

You see, in real life you don't

always have surprise endings.

Sometimes the truth

is just... just boring.

Anyway Dave, your employment

here just isn't working out.

So I would consider

this, a termination.

No. No!

Black Jack Kipper!

You again?

Dave I told you!

Black Jack... you're

my little sea man right?

Mr Kipper

oh... ah... no!

Black Jack I knew that mother

f***er was gonna try to bounce.

Where you think you goin'?

Just... oh god...

Where's the money?

I don't know man.

Seriously...

Where'd Kipper stash it?

No! I don't know!

Fine. This is how

you wanna play?

Jack

always keepin' an eye on me.

- F***!

Jack

Mr. Kipper!

I'm so happy you're still alive.

Mr. Kipper

Jack! Please.

You do know, killing you is

going to be the absolute

highlight of my night.

Mr. Kipper

Jack...

Bye Mr. Kipper.

Merry Christmas.

There's something that

you should know.

Yes.

Corporate prefers you

say happy holidays.

Jack come out come out

wherever you are Dave.

You'll never get out Dave.

I've got all the keys

to all the exits.

You're a sea man

on my tight little ship.

Otto mother f***er help me!

Those were my

damn fritter wrappers.

And my soda can.

I leave 'em wherever

I goddamn want to.

And I don't give a

sh*t who's goat you killed.

Ah!

Jack

hey! New guy.

Get over there.

You move pretty fast

for someone playin'

quadriplegic a few minutes ago.

I need an ambulance man.

Oh, don't waste your time man.

You're done. I'm just sayin'.

You're really gonna kill me?

Yeah, duh. That's how

these things go right?

What about the money?

The money? Come on man.

I'm almost dead.

You're almost dead.

Ain't gonna do us any good now.

Probably all burnt it up anyway.

Alright well... good

luck in the after life.

Merry Cr-happy holiday!

Woah, woah. Hold on a second.

I got somethin' for you.

That's right. Yeah.

Is that a fritter?

Sure is.

You got a fritter?

You want it?

I tell you what... you give me

that fritter, I won't kill you.

You promise?

Yeah! Toss it over.

Alright!

Ah! You dumb ass!

Imma kill you anyway.

Mmm. Ah.

It's good right?

Yeah. Christmas came

early for old Jackie boy.

Fritter and an extra

Jack did you do...

Dave enjoy your f***in'

fritter b*tch!

It's not even a

f***in' fritter anyway.

It's a f***in' honeybun.

All day, I need my fritter I

need my fritter you stupid f***!

What the f***!

Nice try Dave, but you loose.

Time to kill you. Sorry.

Don't apologize to me.

What?

Apologize to Bucky.

Jack

ah! What the f*** man!

Ah! Oh my god. I was kidding.

Oh! Oh my god.

Did it leave a mark?

Ah! Is there

a mark. Oh my god.

Jack

a Beaver hit me in my Che-St.

I'm sorry.

I think I'm goin'.

Dave

no! Oh sh*t!

Otto four f***in' tours in Iraq,

three tours in Afghanistan,

816 Mexicans across the

cartel couldn't kill me.

Ain't some cock suckin' fairies

at a hardware store gonna do it.

Bunch of f***in' cock suckers.

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