Material Girls Page #7

on my character and office smell,

would you do me a favor|and get to the point?

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Just a second.

- Hey, Tanz.|- Hey! Check this out.

to the current Everdew formula.

- And Dad changed it.|- No way.

Yes way.|He took the isopropyl lanolate out,

but there's no records of this in the files.

I'm telling you, Ava,|this thing is screwier than Courtney Love.

- Okay, well, just see what you can find.|- Okay.

- You don't have a case.|- What?

Not one of these people|had a permanent reaction.

And then we find out|that the formula was changed.

Someone had to have fabricated|those testimonials.

- You don't have any proof, though.|- Yes, we do.

- No, you don't.|- Sure, we do.

No, you don't.

Okay, fine. We don't.

With us today is Ned Nakamori,

that story in Los Angeles.

for the troubled company?

Is a sale to Fabiella Cosmetics imminent?

That's right, Christiane. It's expected that

vote in less than two weeks,

to archrival, Fabiella.

will prevent another atrocity

a few weeks ago.

All I wanted was a good moisturizer.

- Information.|- Yes! Hi.

I need a Los Angeles number for KLAE.

- Hello.|- Hey.

- What's your name?|- Gene.

- Hi, Gene. I'm Tina.|- Hey, Tina.

Did anyone ever tell you|you look like Tanzie Marchetta?

- Thanks.|- You're much prettier, though.

- Thanks.|- No problem.

I'm sure you're a lot nicer than they are.

What spoiled jerks.|Screwing over all those people like that.

Hey, Gene.

Believe it or not, I'm actually on the prowl|for some of those release forms

that people have to sign|before they go on television.

I mean, everyone you air|has to sign one of those things, correct?

Yeah, that's right.

So, I was wondering if I could just get|a little look-see in that file room.

- Oh, I am not authorized to do that.|- Gene.

I'm gonna be in so much trouble.

My boss needs them for a TV emergency.

If you could just help me|this eensie-weensie little bit?

You're gonna be quick, right?

Hurry!

What the hell's going on in here, Gene?

Well, well. What have we here?

Her boss is having a TV emergency.

Gene, you must be a stone moron.|Do you know who that is?

- That's Tanzie Marchetta.|- No.

You're in big trouble.

Sorry, it's not exactly Sushi Roku, but...

Are you kidding?|This stuff is so much better than sushi.

You haven't had Domino's before?

Well, once at Brigitta's|white-trash hoedown party.

But, other than that,|our chef always made us low-carb pizza.

Good Lord.

Look. Thanks for helping us.

All of our so-called friends have treated us|like lepers since this happened.

Yeah, I know about the leper thing.|I was a debate team nerd in high school.

- So...|- Really? That's cute.

- Nerds are, like, really in right now.|- Yeah? They weren't back then.

A beautiful girl like you|wouldn't have given me the time of day.

I don't know about beautiful.

I gained two pounds since I've been poor.

I used to make fun of regular people|with their eye bags

and their love handles,|but worrying about money is really tiring.

I got my first eye bag yesterday.

You could use a little|Preparation H for that.

You still look pretty great to me.

My mom was a model, so looking great|was considered a genetic requirement.

Where is your mom, anyway?

She's in Europe with an Egyptian prince.

She changed her name to Isis,|and she calls us her cousins.

We get e-mails every few years.

You wanna know something|really funny, though?

I can remember living in|this teenie-tiny little walk-up

and being really happy.

I mean, Tanzie doesn't remember that,|but I totally do.

You're different than I thought|you were, Ava Marchetta.

(CAT YOWLING)

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!|I was just attacked by a vermin!

What happened?

I can feel it! Get it off me! I hate rats!

- That's my cat, Clarence Darrow.|- Oh, whatever! It was vomitous!

- I hate cats!|- Well, excuse me!

- What? You think I'm overreacting?|- He's a cat!

He looks like he has rabies!

- Come on.|- How can you stand this?

This is like an episode of "Fear Factor!"

I'm sorry I don't live in a mansion|and have a Chihuahua with a pedicure.

And, what,|because you work in a cesspool,

you think you're like Gandhi or something?

What about you?|You're all frosting and no cupcake.

I am cupcake! Okay?|And you are pretentious and sloppy.

Thank God I didn't kiss you!|You would've needed a tetanus shot.

Because I would have let you kiss me.

You were practically in my lap.

- I was reaching for more pizza.|- Sure, you were.

I was! And you know what?|You can't talk to me like that.

You know why?|You work for me. You're fired.

You can't fire me.|I'm helping you out for free.

You're still fired.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

What! Hello? What?

- Hi.|- Hey, Sue, check it out.

Looks like one of them|fancy prostitutes from

got herself cold busted.

- Come on.

your entrepreneurial spirits.

It's not my thing. You know?

In fact, it's really a personal failing|on my part.

You know, 'cause if I could|just get myself more organized...

- You got some soft skin.|- Yeah.

It's like a baby's. How you do that?

Trespassing and attempted theft.

- $20,000!

What kind of criminal has $20,000?

What is wrong with the justice system?

It ought to be peanuts for you, missy.

You know what? Henry, stop!|You can't drag me away like that, Henry.

You know what? Henry, stop!|You can't drag me away like that, Henry.

And you know what else?

The only reason that you're still here|is because Tanzie's in jail!

Ava, there's a bail bondsman|around the corner.

And what?|He's just gonna give me the money?

No, he'll loan you the money.|You just have to give him some collateral.

I don't have any collateral.

- But that's my dad's watch.|- It's your sister, Ava.

Sorry, Rolie. Time for you to go.

Okay, the key to soft skin like mine|is exfoliation.

Exfoliation.

- Exfoliation.|- Exfoliation.

Yes.

Now, Laporscha, all of that makeup|is really hard on your skin.

You need to be kinder to your pores.

If only we had some kind of a scrub.|Something fine but grainy and...

Oh! I got an egg roll in my bra.|Just give me a minute.

That's okay.

I got sand all up in my toe jam|running from the po-po.

Great.

Anything abrasive like this|will really get rid of those dead cells.

Okay, you want to use natural|hypoallergenic ingredients on your skin.

Stay away from formaldehyde.

You don't even want to know|how much formaldehyde

a woman swallows a year|just from her lip gloss.

Okay, you want to use, like, sea kelp,|oatmeal, natural lactic acid.

Girl, we can't afford nothing|but the cheap stuff.

And nothing that costs two bucks is gonna|make your skin feel this good.

Yeah, if they just sold something|like that at the Rite Aid, huh?

- Tanzania Marchetta? You made bail.|- Really?

But we were just getting ready|to start a book club.

- How'd you get so good at this?|- Practice.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

How dare you sneak in like that?

What in the world are you wearing?

- No wonder you ended up in jail.|- No!

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