Matinee Idol Page #3

- And as the sun slowly sinks over the

Western horizon we say a

not so fond farewell to Lance Hardy.

What's his name?

- Bud Cochran, well actually it's

Longstreet Cochran.

- Some screen writer made that up.

- No it's for real.

- It's too good to be true, uh, ok.

Have him here tomorrow morning.

We'll shoot a test.

- Bernie, darling! Mwah!

I know you're really going to be

impressed with him.

- Ah Linda baby, if only I wasn't

happily married to Bertha

these 28 years.

- Morning Phil.

- Ah, Linda. One of the hundred

reasons I love you so much

is you're always on time.

- Oh, so tell me another 50

or 60 reasons.

- Linda, my dear, if all my stars

were as easy to work with

as you are my life would be

so much better.

- Thanks Phil.

- Is, uh, this the new star?

- Oh Bud, this is Phil Parker.

Now he's directed all of my pictures

and he's the very best.

- Phil, this is Bud Cochran.

- How do you do?

- How you doing.

- Now I want you to remember that

name. He's going to be very big.

Of course he's already pretty big.

But what I mean to say is that

he is going to be well known.

Oh and Phil, I just want to tell

you how much I appreciate

you doing Bud's screen test.

Who's he working with?

- Ah, you, Ms. uh, come over here

I want to introduce you.

Linda, Bud this is, uh, what's your

name?

- Daisy, Daisy Cheney.

- Ah, Daisy, this is Ms. Hand.

- Oh, Ms. Hand, I've seen all your

pictures. You give the greatest head.

- Well thank you.

- And this is Bud Cochran. You'll be

working with Bud today.

- Ooh, he's cute!

- Well I'm going to leave the three

of you to your movie making magic.

- Marker.

- Ok, now try not to act too nervous

now.

Ok look right in the lens.

Ok now look back at me.

And action!

(slow piano music)

(moaning)

(jazz music)

- Well Harvey what do you think?

I say we let him play the lead

with Linda in our next picture.

- Yes, yes please say yes.

- We still have the unfinished

Matinee Idol to deal with.

We've got to honor our commitments

to our distributors.

And deliver them a Lance Hardy,

Linda Hand film.

- You mean a Linda Hand, Lance Hardy

film? Don't you Mr. Cox?

- Whatever.

- Ok, I'll finish this one film with

Lance Hardy, but it's the last

I'm ever going to work with him.

From now on my leading man is Bud

Cochran.

- Linda, Linda we'll work

something out.

I'm sorry Harvey I only...

- Bernie they got their brains

between their legs.

- Harvey they just don't realize the

attraction they have for one another.

- You know maybe you're right.

You know this studio's success

is attributable to Lance and Linda

together.

Well hell they've acted like this

towards one another ever since

the start.

Whatever is between them sure

works well on the screen.

Don't fool with a winning combination.

- Lance Hardy, I'm really glad we had

a chance to get together tonight.

You know Doris has done some research

on what you do, your lifestyle.

You know we're not squares,

we understand this sort of thing.

I think it's terrific. And I know

about your relationship with

your studio, Sensational

International.

And that's fine.

But I really don't think you are

getting the proper edge.

What I'm proposing, I think, will

blow the lid off the market.

And boost your career.

- Blow the lid off the market?

- Tell him Doris.

- You tell him Walter.

I'm embarrassed.

- She's embarrassed.

Lance Hardy's advice to women

about sex.

- What?

- To women about sex.

Written by Lance Hardy!

- Lance Hardy advice about sex?

- For women.

- Tell him the clincher Doris

- Hard cover. Best Seller.

My husband will publish a book that

you will write.

That gives advice to women

about sex.

- I think it will make the New York

Times best seller list,

and probably run for a year.

I'm talking something very big.

- Yeah?

- I think it's sensational. Doris came

up with the idea.

I'm the publisher, I'm handling the

overall package.

You know the financing. Doris will

work out the details with you.

How it's going to work, she'll edit

it, the whole thing.

Doris do me a favor. Take him

home, go over the details with him.

Will you do that for him?

Show him how it works?

You got any questions, no problem.

I gotta get out of here.

Alright Doris? You'll take him home?

- Sure darling.

- You look good, you look

good. Great.

- You've got a nice place here.

So, uh, you want me to do a little

book, write a book, huh.

- Listen Lance, Walter will never

find out about this.

He could never understand how

I really feel about you.

Only I understand Lance.

I know what you feel.

- You know what I feel?

- Listen to me Lance, I'm talking

about a relationship here.

- Mrs. Michaels...

- Doris.

- Doris, look Doris you don't

understand what this business is like.

And I'm not really the way you

think I am.

- I know. I know Lance.

So you just relax and stay right here.

And don't move.

I'm going to slip into something...

- More comfortable.

- More expressive.

- I gotta get out of here.

Maybe I'll stay.

I mean she's not that bad looking.

She's cute, and a good piece

of ass maybe.

Who the f*** will know?

Nah I better go. No this isn't...

I'll stay... No. Yeah I'll stay.

I'll stay. I'll stay.

I'll stay.

- Just relax and lie there darling.

I'll do everything.

- I gotta get out of here.

- What a bad sport. Hmph.

- With warmest regards...

- Sensational International Pictures.

- Harvey D. Cox, Chairman of the

Board.

- Bernard A. Kuntz, President.

Thank you Dorothy, that'll

be all.

- You're welcome sir.

- Oh, hi Dorothy how's my favorite

secretary?

- I'm doing well Mr. Hardy,

thank you.

- You know you look very...

Respectable.

- You look well yourself, sir.

- Well thank you Mr. Hardy for

honoring us with your

esteemed presence.

- Cut the crap Bernie, get to the

point.

What did you want to see me about?

- We want you to finish Matinee Idol

with Linda.

- Well what about that other actress

we tested? Daisy, uh...

What's her name?

- Daisy Cheney, yes, her test looked

great, just great.

But...

- But, we've got to recoup our money

from Matinee Idol.

And the only way to do that is for you

and Linda both to finish the picture.

- Supposed I agree. Then how are you

going to get Linda to go along

with this?

- We've already talked to Linda,

and she's agreed.

She's gonna cooperate fully.

- And then after Matinee Idol is

completed, we can drop Linda

and replace her with Daisy in the

next film.

- Crazy. How do you drop Linda

Hand?

- We don't need two female stars

in one lot.

- Now Linda's too old.

She's over the hill.

- I think your partner is going

a little whacky.

I think you're crazy! Linda Hand

past her prime? She's the best!

She can still raise every cock from

here to the East Coast.

Including a couple of old

men that I know.

(laughter)

Alright when do you want

to resume film?

- Tomorrow morning at 8 o'clock

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