Max on Set: The Hangover Page #11

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She looks beautiful, man.

Sorry I'm late.

Vegas.

Where were you?

And why are you so red?

Honey, it's a long story.

MINISTER:

We are gathered here today...

...because of the strength of love

and of promises kept.

All I know is I am so sorry.

And I promise

for as long as we're married...

...to never, ever put you

through anything like this again.

Can you forgive me?

[SINGING "CANDY SHOP"]

[CHATTERING]

- Daddy.

- Hey, my man.

Excuse me,

but I'm expecting my husband any minute.

Oh, that's very funny. Come here.

[GROANS]

How was your soccer game?

[CONTINUES SINGING]

[GRUNTS]

- Stu? You avoiding me?

- Hey. Melissa.

Oh, my God.

What happened to your tooth?

Have you met Alan? Tracy's brother.

Brother of the...

Okay. Ow.

That is disgusting.

Why haven't you returned my calls?

Well, there was a snafu

when we stopped...

I called that bed and breakfast in Napa.

They said they had no record

of you even checking in.

That's because we didn't go to Napa.

- Stu. What the f*** is going on?

- We went to Las Vegas.

Oh, really? Las Vegas?

Why would you go to Las Vegas?

My friend was getting married.

That's what guys do.

- Okay, that's not what you do.

- Really?

Well, then why did I do it, huh?

Because I did it. Riddle me that.

Why'd I do it?

All you want me to do

is what you want me to do.

I'm sick of doing what you want.

In a healthy relationship,

a guy should be able to do what he wants.

- That is not how this works!

STU:
Oh, good.

Because whatever this is

ain't working for me!

MELISSA:
Oh, really?

STU:
Yeah.

Since when?

Since you f***ed that waiter

on your cruise last June. Boom!

- You told me it was a bartender.

- Oh, you're right. I stand corrected.

It was a bartender.

You f***ed a bartender.

You're an idiot.

You're... You...

[GROANS]

You're such a bad person.

Like, all the way through to your core.

Alan, shall we dance?

Let's do this.

[BAND PLAYING "FAME"]

[SINGING "FAME"]

- It was a real pleasure meeting you.

- F*** off.

- I'm getting my bartender's license.

- Suck my dick.

No, thank you.

[CONTINUES SINGING]

[CHEERING]

You guys are awe...

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

DOUG:
Sid?

- There he is.

- You wanted to see me?

- Yeah.

- Congratulations, buddy.

- Congratulations to you.

- You had us worried there for a second.

- Sorry.

How was Vegas?

It was... Ahem. It was crazy.

Attaboy.

[CHUCKLES]

- Enjoy the car?

- Mm-hm.

- Remember to put Armor All on the tires?

- Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

Let me ask you a question.

How can a cake cost $1400?

- Highway robbery.

- It's criminal.

Sid, ahem, about the car...

Tracy told you. I told her not to tell you.

I wanted to tell you.

- Tell me what?

- Careful, Doug. These women...

...can't be trusted.

- Tell me what, Sid?

- The Mercedes.

It is a wedding gift from Linda and I.

- Are you serious?

- What do you think?

[LAUGHING]

That is awesome.

Thank you. Oh.

Thanks, Daddy. Thanks, Sid.

[WHISPERING] Close the door.

- You're awesome.

You are awesome.

Yeah.

Dougie...

...I gotta tell you, man,

this was a gorgeous wedding.

- I give it six months.

- You're a dick.

I don't know what to say.

Thanks for the bachelor party, I guess?

Yeah. I just wish

we could actually remember some of it.

- Hey, guys? Look what I found.

- Whoa, that's my camera.

- It was in the back seat of the car.

- Oh, Go... Are there photos on it?

Yeah. Some of it's even worse

than we thought.

- No f***ing way. Give me that.

- Wa... Wa... Wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

We look at these pictures together, okay?

One time.

- And then we delete the evidence.

- I say we delete it right now.

Are you nuts? I wanna find out

how I wound up in the hospital.

- Yeah, it's in there.

- Guys, one time.

- Deal?

- Deal.

- Deal.

- Okay.

Oh, dear Lord!

ALAN:

That's classic!

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