Mayhem

Derek:
Say hello

to idiosa dartellum 7,

or the ID-7 virus.

Nasty-looking

little f***er, huh?

For the uninitiated,

the ID-7 strain makes

stress hormone levels rise,

blocks neural paths,

essentially attacking our ID

and throwing off

a very important balance

in our brains...

The balance between

emotions and reason

that keep us

from doing stupid sh*t,

thinks like punching

your boss in the face when angry

or f***ing your date

in public when horny.

That balance

is temporarily severed,

causing inhibitions to drop

and basic instincts

to rise to the surface

as the infected fall victim

to what experts call

emotional hijacking.

Social media has tagged it

the red-eye virus

for obvious reasons.

So in a nutshell,

basic human dignity

takes a sick leave.

The first reported case

of the red-eye virus

occurred 18 months ago

in des moines, Iowa,

and quickly spread

around the world.

Since then, there have been

over 1,000 confirmed outbreaks

reported globally,

over half of which

are in the United States alone.

The CDC is optimistic they can

contain the virus immediately

through mandated quarantines,

and the nation

will be virus-free

by the end of the year

as antibodies are being

aggressively tested.

They also state the virus

isn't lethal,

which is technically true.

But while the virus can't kill,

the infected, or redders, can.

Introducing Mr. nevil Reed,

the first redder to be

officially cleared for murder.

Derek:

His legal defense alleged

that those infected

with the ID-7 strain

can't control their emotions

and therefore are not liable

for the resulting actions.

And thanks to a loophole,

the case was dismissed.

So nevil lost his sh*t,

stabbed a co-worker repeatedly

in the face till dead

and walked

thanks a doctor's note.

God bless the justice system.

Welcome to the home of

towers & Smythe consulting,

the corporate scumbags hired

by the bigger corporate scumbags

in the landmark nevil Reed case.

Tsc is a firm fueled by greed,

duplicity, and moral decay,

a place that ironically screens

their job applicants

for honesty, loyalty,

and integrity.

Qualities I had in spades

when I was fresh-faced

and ready to take on the world

my first day here.

And here's me

six months later...

late nights,

no respect, the bad coffee,

all the sh*t that comes

with paying your dues.

But none of it

could slow me down.

I was striving for the success

my family never had,

a seat at the big kids' table

with all the fixings,

all while paying back

those goddamn student loans.

But the higher I rose,

the more I felt like I was

losing myself in the process.

And after discovering that

loophole that won the Reed case,

the requisite promotion

quickly followed.

But by then, it didn't matter

that I thought

he was guilty as f***.

I just wanted the corner office.

And for my sins,

they gave me one.

What a dick.

Towers and Smythe.

Man:
I mean, how f***ing stupid

can you get?

- I'm sorry. I...

- oh, you're sorry?

I don't f***ing pay you

to be f***ing sorry, Jenny.

- Morning, hey. Morning, hey.

- Not now, Derek.

Dude, you got to see this.

You got to see this.

- Come over here.

- What's up?

I just got this today.

Oh, man, last year's

Christmas party.

That looks like you.

Yeah. That's you.

Where'd you get that?

Oh, I googled

"a small-dick douche

makes assistant work hard

for fake promise of a raise,"

and it was just, like, top

search result, like, number one.

Listen, leave her alone

or I'll sell this to your wife

for half of the half she'll get

from your divorce.

It's a good talk, bro.

Thank you.

Derek:
May not be much...

Morning, miles.

but I'll take whatever

goodwill I can pillage

to sleep better at night.

Thank god for coffee, right?

Your 9:
00 A. M. is

in meeting room three.

- Where is my coffee cup?

- Don't know. Also, I...

do you know who took it?

No.

But I can get you another one.

Derek:
I don't want another mug.

I want my mug.

Yep, David from vanda corp.

Derek. Derek.

- What?

- David, line one.

Okay. Put him on.

David, I was just

about to call you.

Lucy:
David?

Who the hell's David?

It's Lucy.

Miles, this is my sister.

I'm sorry.

Lucy:
It is so hard

to get you on the phone.

I just wanted to see

if you were coming up

for my birthday next month.

Yeah. Um...

No, actually.

I'm so sorry.

I will not be able

to make it to your birthday.

But I will totally

make it up to you.

Lucy:
Well, if you're not

gonna show up,

at least paint me

something cool.

How do you know

I started painting?

Lucy:

Miles said you're pretty good.

- Oh, did he?

- Lucy:
Yeah.

You should sign up

for art classes or something.

I don't have time

for art classes.

Lucy:
Yeah. You don't have

time for anything.

Yes. You are correct.

I do not have time for anything.

I don't have time

for this conversation.

- But I love you very much.

- Lucy:
Wait, Derek. I just...

- I wanted to talk to you more.

- Thank you so much for calling.

I got to go.

I love you. Bye.

What's my 9:
00?

Woman:
Good morning.

Pat Sorenson's office.

- Right this way, sir.

- Great. Thanks.

How can I help you?

My client wants to pay

this overdue debt

to reverse the foreclosure.

We just need tsc to tell

the bank to allow more time.

I'm sorry to inform you,

but our client has a strong

no-refinance policy.

Then what do I tell mine?

Would you be open to

discussing the possibility

of a deed in lieu?

Mm. You don't know what

I'm talking about, do you?

- You should see a lawyer.

- I am a lawyer.

If you were a lawyer, you would

know what a deed in lieu is.

You're one of the borrowers,

aren't you?

So what's a deed in lieu?

It doesn't matter.

Bank wouldn't agree

to it anyway.

Look, you're not

the first borrower

to try to pull

this kind of scam.

Miss, this is

a non-smoking room.

So come stop me, suit.

Wait.

We just need two more months.

Families are involved here,

but nobody listens,

not the banks, not the lawyers.

I can't get past

their damn secretaries.

Look, I am very sorry

this is happening to you.

- Then don't kick me out.

- The bank is kicking you out.

- The bank is your client.

- It's the firm's client.

The firm's partners

call the shots.

No one raindrop thinks

it caused the flood.

My mother used to say that.

Now I understand what it means.

Is there anything else

I can do to help?

Melanie:

You can start by telling me

the partner calling

the shots on the case.

Sure. That would be...

Oh, sh*t.

Irene Smythe.

Well, I want a word

with this Irene Smythe

or whoever right now.

Sure. Let me get her

on the phone.

- This way, ma'am.

- Get off me!

We're not done here!

I'm gonna sue you!

I'm gonna sue all of you!

F***ers!

You're in deep sh*t, too!

You're in deep sh*t.

Brenda wasn't feeling well,

so I had to go out

to the penthouse

to cover for her for a bit.

Uh-huh.

Turns out the boss

is meeting with Kara,

and I'm pretty sure

they were talking about

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