Mayhem Page #4

Melanie:

Just like any other day for you.

Yeah, we're not liable

for what we do in here, either.

Nice, then I'll have your balls

for dinner

for that sh*t you pulled!

Wait! Wait! Wait!

This might sound crazy,

but I think we can help

each other out here.

Okay?

You remember Irene Smythe,

the woman that

f***ing screwed you?

She's in the building's

penthouse right now.

So what?

You help me get to the top,

and she's all yours.

This is our shot to hold

these a**holes accountable

for all the f***ing damage

that they've done!

And our chance goes away as soon

as this quarantine is over.

Yeah?

Can I get up now?

Are you going to stop

being an a**hole?

That's debatable.

Ah, yes. Yes.

Oh.

Oh.

What are you looking for?

A loophole.

It's my specialty.

Yeah!

I don't think they'd lock us up

in a room with working phones.

Derek:

I don't need a working phone.

Just need bit of this,

a bit of that.

Build a franken-phone.

And call who?

Cops can't enter the building.

I'm not calling the cops.

Uh, sir?

Um, Derek Cho somehow managed

to set up a call

with vander corp's ceo,

and they wanted you to join in.

Ahh.

In a minute.

Sorry to keep you waiting,

frank.

I'm all ears!

Ah, glad you could join us,

John.

Well, I've been having

a nice, long chat

with one of your lawyers.

You still there, Derek?

Yes, uh, sir. I am still here.

Frank:
Good.

John, can you please remind me?

Why do I do business with tsc?

Well, because it's

a jungle out there, frank.

And not only

do you need a guide,

but you also need a lion

walking right by your side.

And we are your lion

and your guide.

- Frank:
Are you?

- Yeah.

Well, we're just

a touch concerned

that you may have

ulterior motives.

We would never turn

against our clients, frank.

Frank:

Well, that may be true,

but Derek has alerted me

to a certain document

that seems to suggest otherwise.

Derek:
It's a report that, uh,

tsc did for vander corp.

It analyzes the advisability

of filing a

multimillion-dollar lawsuit

against one of frank's

ex-business associates.

Do you remember

this report, John?

No.

Frank:

I must say, it's well-written.

I like how it weighs

the slim possibility

of a positive financial outcome

against the enormous

potential litigation costs.

Do you agree

with this report, Derek?

Uh, no, sir.

I do not.

I believe you could

have won the suit.

Then why did your advisers

advise me against it?

Derek:
Your advisers missed

the deadline to file the motion.

Frank:
So you believe that tsc

dropped the ball on this one?

Derek:
Uh, I believe they

dropped the ball, sir.

Uh, but then they also

defecated on the ball

and then sodomized

the ball, sir.

Frank:

Hmm. Interesting.

Oh, and, John,

I just happen to have

your last invoice here with me.

Oh.

That went well.

I want you to rip the f***ing

phone out of his hands,

his hands

off his f***ing body now!

Uh, yeah. Can I please order

two pepperoni pizzas

and some, uh, hot wings?

Yeah. Why not? Throw some, uh,

garlic bread in there.

Do you guys want anything?

Brenda!

This f***ing phone doesn't work!

Yeah.

Christ, man!

He f*** your girl, too?

Damn, suit, you don't even

respect each other.

You're right.

We don't.

Now what?

Time to go to work.

- F***, yeah!

- Derek:
Oh, sh*t.

They started a countdown

for the quarantine,

posted in an interoffice app.

Well, it's enough time

to get the job done.

I mean, this place

isn't that big.

Ah, the boss is a

f***ing raging cokehead.

There's definitely

gonna be more guards.

Fine.

I'll bring more nails.

The only way to the top floor

is with the key card

or a one-time password.

So who do we have to

f*** up to get the card?

Okay. First, there's an ass-hat

on the sixth floor

who's got a level-two key card.

It can take us

to the seventh floor,

giving us access to the b*tch

who's got

a level-three key card.

Hey, extreme measures, right?

- Wednesdays.

- Hey!

Him?

Yep.

Hey!

Open the f***ing door!

F*** you, motherf***er!

You open doors like

my grandmother fucks!

Derek:

Open the door!

Open the f***ing door!

Open the door!

Shh!

Aah!

It really bothers me that women

don't get the same treatment

as men in the workplace.

Aaaah!

I'm all about

gender equality here.

Aaaah!

Derek!

Aah!

Aah!

- Need a hand?

- I don't need your help, suit.

But I need yours.

F*** you.

F*** you, too.

- May we come in?

- And if I said no?

You'll have to confer

with my associate.

And mine, gimpy.

- What do you want?

- Key card.

I'm not the only one

with a level-two key card.

But you are the one

that fired me, a**hole!

Wrong. The firm fired you.

Don't nail-gun the messenger.

Oh.

Oh, my god.

You bring up a very good point.

I'm so sorry, Lester.

We're good.

We're... we're...

we're totally good, man.

Um, I will take it up

with the firm,

but I would love to know

where I could find the firm,

because I would love

to kick the firm's ass.

You can't kick a firm's ass.

That's the point.

Oh. Well, then that

brings us back to you.

I was just doing my job.

No one raindrop thinks

it caused the flood.

I get what that means.

You know what will happen to me

if I give you this key card?

I'm going to have to

file that under "n"

for "not my f***ing problem."

F***!

No! The saw!

Extreme measures!

Go!

Whoo!

Derek:
Ow!

A little help?

- You ready?

- Derek:
Ah! Ah!

Melanie:

It's gonna hurt a lot.

You're enjoying this,

aren't you?

- You're still one of them.

- I thought we were a team.

For the time being.

All right. On the count of...

Aah!

Ow.

All right.

Calm down.

Derek:
Oh, f***.

At least you're not that guy.

Move aside, pussies.

Come on.

Wait. Wait.

I have an idea.

Man:
F*** you! F*** you!

F*** you!

You're cool!

F*** you!

Are we done here yet?

We are now.

Here, take my phone.

I need you to film something.

Film what?

Derek:

Okay. Here we go.

Case file 32376,

the people vs. Reed.

Now, you all know

the court case,

but let's discuss Mr. nevil Reed

the man, shall we?

By all accounts, Mr. Reed

was an upstanding pillar

of the community,

earned two master's degrees

by the age of 21.

He married his

college sweetheart

and is the father

of beautiful twin girls.

But when Mr. Reed contracted

the ID-7 virus, sh*t got real.

"Overwhelmed by pure ID,"

nevil Reed became prone

to involuntary,

aberrant, and shocking impulses.

He commited a gruesome,

unspeakable act

in broad daylight

"in a room full of witnesses."

Now, we're witnessing

a model citizen here

transformed into a brutal,

bloodthirsty killing machine

at the blink of an infected eye.

So I ask you this.

Is it his fault

or is it the virus's?

Let's discuss.

See you soon, f***ers.

Sh*t.

Kara, he's on his way up.

He has got Lester's key card.

The siren:
Oh, really?

That's a shame,

a real shame, sir.

Just wondering, did they

get it before or after

butchering Lester

with an electric saw?

Just calm down and come up here!

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