McDull, Kung Fu Kindergarten Page #2

l wanted to hold it until the song ended

Just admit you were too lazy to

ask for permission!

Even your bum knows how to poop!

But you are lazier than your bum!

Alright, stop crying...

Mama was wrong to use the B word

Alright, your bum is not

as hardworking as you are...

...and you almost got an A

Stop crying and eat your chicken

Raise your hand if you need to poop

lt's...

a basic human right

l need to poop!

Just follow mama... l need to poop!

- l need to poop! - l need to poop!

May, how laZy are "bums"?

Bums are not lazy,

they're very hardworking!

Really?

Of course! Day in and day out,

bums jiggle jiggle jiggle...

They have to sit and get up...

...and they also have to poop!

They jiggle to move in water;

they jiggle to get out of water

lt depends on what kind of car too...

...bums have to jiggle jiggle jiggle

lt's more work than walking

Over the new year holidays,

a friend of mine took his bum

on a plane ride to New Zealand

- Checked-in luggage or carry-on?

- What?

- The bum!

- Carry-on, of course!

So the bum jiggled all the way

to Auckland

and thought it was a vacation,

only to discover...

...it had to go horseback-riding!

Wow, May...

Who do you think is lazier -

me or my bum?

Of course you are lazier than your bum!

l wish l can poop,

and Miss Chan can continue to sing

l wish l can write correctly

Without using my eraser

l wish l was smart

so mother wouldn't have to cry

or go through menopause

l wish to get all A's and

not almost get one

lf l'm smart, smarter than my bum

For Mama's happiness, l would...

l would give up

eating my favorite chicken!

Do you have an umbrella?

U-m-b-r-e-l-l-a, umbrella.

l have an umbrella,

B-a-n-a-n-a, an umbrella...

lf McDull can become a smart boy,

l would...

Mother, look! Look how smart l am.

l got an A, it's a real A!

Ladies and gentlemen -

Chicken on fire!

Eat up, smart boy

l'm fine, you eat

l'm on a diet, you eat it

l have indigestion

l don't believe it. Eat!

My cholesterol level...

- Heck with cholesterol, eat!

- You eat!

- You eat! - i have a pimple...

- l have a wart, eat! - i can't pee

- l have athlete's foot

- l have tennis elbow

On the same night McDull made his wish...

Mrs. Mak also made a wish

B-a-n-a-n-a, Banana..........

lf McDull can become a smart boy,

l would give up chicken!

My Cholesterol level...

Heck with cholesterol! Eat!

You eat it!

The chicken got cold

McDull hesitantly divulged his reason...

for not eating the chicken

Out of the blue,

Mrs. Mak is suddenly overcome by...

a feeling of being bullied

She's a bit angry, a bit sad,

and a bit ashamed

She stands up, picks up the plate

Reheats it in a hurry

puts it back in front of McDull, and says...

Mother is not a successful sow outside

l run around from morning to night

What makes me happiest is...

to cook you a delicious meal,

and watch you eat it

This is the most basic happiness...

l can provide to you

Therefore,

if you don't eat my chicken anymore...

and l can't watch you eat chicken

Then my life would be over

Never sell out our chicken!

lt's okay, son. Have some chicken

lt'd be great if you become somebody

But if it's not meant to be

Then we'll always have our chicken

Mrs. Mak read two letters that night

One is from the anti-Menopausal Formula.

She didn't get the job

She lost even in her specialties,

dizziness and tears

The other is from the professor

at the Mozart Effect program

He said the funding has been exhausted,

so after this semester...

McDull doesn't need to return

to the university

His parting words for McDull...

on his overall mental aptitude...

consisted of only one sentence

lt is one only a mother...

could truly appreciate

He's not retarded, he's just gentle

For McDull and for herself

To have truthful lives

Mrs. Mak decides to pack up...

and start anew

A carry-on it is

Bright moonlight,

amber glow on my face

Good baby go to sleep

Come morning Mama has to cross

the border

Daddy works the graveyard shift at 7-11

Bright moonlight,

amber glow on your pee

Good baby go to sleep

Come morning Mama has to go to court

Daddy lies sleeplessly on the bed

Baby, hurry and grow up

All the wiser at fleeing debt

Bright moonlight,

amber glow on my face

Good baby go to sleep

Come morning Mama has to go

borrow money

Grandma's dentures

cost two grand and more

Wuhan, we are finally here

The land of Crouching Tigers and

Hidden Dragons

Your soil nurtured McDonald's and KFC

You can nurture me and my

"Chicken on fire."

Mother, are we going to a hotel?

We have to take another train ride

Huh? What about horseback-riding?

You know the expression

fish out of water?

l've heard of "Cool as a cucumber"

and "Dangle a carrot in front of me"

You get the idea...

Listen, mother will stay in Wuhan

for a month or two

and learn how to do business

then maybe go to Shanghai,

Suzhou and Hangzhou

ls it going to be carry-on again?

lt's checked baggage this time

That's great, no need to lug it around

Remember "Good guys finish last"

l will take you to Wu Dang Mountain

Once you have mastered Kung Fu

No one can bully you again

No one can bully mother

You are "checking me in"?

l don't want to go...!

You want us to be like fish

... in a barrel,

No cucumber?

How about some bitter melons?

Chow Yun-Fat is a descendant of

Wu Dang.

How about that?

l can go back

to being my own spokesperson

Open a huge chain of

"Chicken on Fire" restaurants

Welcome,

would ja like sum chick'n?

Haha, your accent sucks

lf anyone should disrespect my chicken

You will help me break his ribs

with your head

Oh, that would hurt

That's what they get for criticizing me

l mean my head would hurt...

Not when you know Wu Dang Kung Fu,

it wouldn't hurt

That's true, hehehe

Okay, let's go, the train is leaving

Waaaa, l don't want to be

"checked-in"!

This is my mobile phone number

Call only...

if it's very very important

Mama...mama!

Hey, you wet your bed!

l've even pooped in my pants

Yuck, this Hong Kong kid poops

in his pants

Rise and shine, with the sun

Brush your teeth, wash your face

We are the good children of China

We exercise everyday

Develop our body and mind

When hungry

We eat rice and vegetable

We are the good kids of

Wu Dang Mountain

Children, you are very lucky!

Our Wu Dang Tai Chi clan is profound

and vast

But to promote our martial arts

We have adopted

a new teaching method

Using storytelling,

real life examples and singing

there's no TV here

in conjunction with multimedia

lt will help you learn our Kung Fu...

effectively and effortlessly

Okay, any questions for the Master?

Master, are there air conditioners here?

We can't function without air conditioners

A karaoke machine?

A bar-b-que grill?

How about MSN?

Master, do you have AAA batteries?

Master!

Colors will blind you

Sounds will deafen you,

and tastes will dull you

Only seclusion will enlighten you

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