McLintock! Page #9

It's all right.

It sounds silly,

only a bird can walk on a limb.

You know my wife? Her name's Kate.

She insists on being called Katherine.

Do you know her?

Of course, Mr. McLintock,

and that's what I wanted...

Well, she thinks

that Cuthbert H. Humphrey...

is panting for her like a bull buffalo

at the first greenup of spring.

But what Cuthbert is panting for

is my money.

Don't make me feel

like I'm drinking alone, ma'am.

Very well, Mr. McLintock, if you insist.

- Down the hatch.

- Good.

Mr. McLintock...

I have something very important

to say to you.

Very important.

I guess it'll have to wait till the morning.

Toodle.

It's all right.

Beddy bye-bye.

Mrs. Warren, let me assist you.

Very kind.

What's going on here?

Now, Katherine, are you going to believe

what you see...

or what I tell you?

Mrs. McLintock,

hope you won't misunderstand.

It's the first 100 women sitting on his lap

that I misunderstood...

number 101 is quite simple.

Now, G.W. McLintock...

He's gone to sleep.

Just when I know

exactly what I want to say to him...

he goes to sleep.

I waited up to talk to Mr. McLintock...

I wanted to tell him I was quitting.

You see, Sheriff Lord

has asked me to marry him and...

Congratulations.

I don't want to seem prudish,

but if you are going to marry Sheriff Lord...

it seems to me

that you're sitting on the wrong man's lap.

Come on, I'll help you upstairs, and we'll

have a long talk about men in general.

Ladies, one moment.

Watch out, you'll get us all killed!

Wait a minute, ladies,

till I catch my breath...

and I'll get you up those stairs...

as sure as my name

is George Washington McLintock...

- You may be quitting, Mrs. Wallace...

- Mrs. Warren.

...but not tomorrow.

I want my breakfast in bed, I want...

I know, toast, lightly browned...

Somebody sure put a knob on my skull.

- It was Katy. I was peeking.

- Katy? Why?

Mrs. Warren was there...

and you was there,

and the whiskey bottle was there...

and Katy's temper being

what Katy's temper is, well, there you are.

Drago, old friend.

My wife does not understand me.

Why should she be any different

than the others?

Come on, I gotta get you upstairs.

Get you ready

for that big celebration tomorrow.

Drago, I am sleeping in the den.

Ain't you got no respect for your elders?

Scallywags! Villains!

Hope you get the measles.

Come on, get him aboard.

Is everybody ready?

The man at number five needs a flagstick.

Get him one.

Let us know when you're ready.

Lad/es and gentlemen...

/t /s my honor to present to you...

the Governor of our terr/tory:

Cuthbert H. Humphrey.

Thank you Mayor.

My friends and citizens

of this great territory...

this is the ninth consecutive year...

it has been my privilege and my pleasure...

to inaugurate

the McLintock Fourth of July celebration.

Now, the first event

will be the wild horse race.

But before I fire this shot

to start the event...

I would like to say a few modest words...

regarding my stewardship

of this great territory.

- All right, Professor Birnbaum.

- Gentlemen.

Sheriff, there's your horse.

Come on, get them all lined up.

Come here, Ching.

Now, boys, you all know the rules.

It's twice around the inside

and once around the outside.

The first cowboy that hits that finish line

without busting that egg is the winner.

And, I caution you boys

about some of them eggs...

'cause some of them eggs

are last year's holdovers.

All r/ght mount up.

Katherine, my dear,

you seem to be enjoying yourself.

Yes. This is wonderful.

It's the only thing I really do enjoy

about this barbaric country.

The Fourth of July celebration.

Katherine, I've been here for three days

and I haven't heard from you.

- Is anything wrong?

- Wrong?

I just hope that it hasn't been necessary

for you to say anything...

to G.W.

What are you talking about?

Katherine, you see,

I'm in a rather delicate position...

being Governor of the territory and all.

I just hope you haven't found it necessary

to say anything about...

About what?

About you and me.

Why, you pompous windbag.

Do you think that you're the only man

who's tried to play patty fingers with me...

who's ever tried to lure me

into the moonlight?

Well, no, but I...

Well, I'm a big girl

and I can take care of myself.

My husband knows it.

I can assure you, Governor,

that your reputation is untarnished.

Now, get out of my way.

We got ourselves a winner. Curly Fletcher.

Fine old job, Curly.

Give me the egg.

Disqualified.

Here you go, Curly.

G. W., you'll never believe

what happened over...

What?

- You smell of beer.

- Naturally, I'm drinking beer.

Lad/es and gentlemen...

the next event w/ll be a contest...

between the two

bronco-bust/ng champ/ons...

of our terr/tory.

Remember the year I rode in that event?

I wore your garters to hold up my sleeves.

We had a bet, and I won it.

George Washington McLintock,

you are a very crude man.

I guess so, but that was a rough horse,

liked to have jarred my insides loose.

But it was worth it.

Three beers.

One, two, three, go!

- Dev, are you all right?

- I guess so.

Nothing busted but my pride.

That ought to even things up, farmer.

For what?

For that sore nose you gave me

the other day.

Well, that ain't what's sore on him.

The clos/ng event /s the cow pony race.

The f/n/sh I/ne /s at the barbecue...

so start meandering.

Come on.

Now, what is that? False courage?

Why, you know a Douglas doesn't ever use

a thing like that.

I want you to get on that horse,

get out in front, and stay out in front.

I'll be out front, Dad.

- All the way.

- Good boy.

Now, remember, stay out in front,

that Agamemnon's a good horse.

Whoa, Agamemnon.

The 11:
40, and she's on time.

Come on, boy.

Big party. Where's the whiskey?

- Whose idea was this stunt?

- Duck, doggone it, them are real bullets.

I'm thinking that's about all the excitement

you'd want for one Fourth of July.

Puma finally got his way.

But I reckon he's riding out

his last war party.

They won't get very far.

But one thing still has me puzzled.

Where did they get the guns?

I was wondering the same thing.

- My kidney's been bothering me, and...

- Bunny.

G.W.

What an idiotic joke.

- Joke? You think that was a joke?

- Well, shut up.

- Do you want everybody in town to see me?

- You look good in feathers.

- Dev, I think they've gone.

- Yeah.

Well, what are you going to do about it?

- What can I do?

- Nothing!

Just like you've always done.

How long, G. W?

- How long what?

- Katherine.

She's been riding herd on you

for two years now.

I'm a peaceable man...

but my father used to say, you raise

your voice, it doesn't do any good.

It's time to raise your hand.

Well, I've been planning to do something

about it.

- I'll have another talk with her.

- Talk to her?

Talk to her? Talking won't do any good!

Becky, have you seen your...

What's been happening around here?

You've got hay all over you.

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