Me, Them and Lara Page #6

that you've been very courageous

and that you're a very modern priest.

'Night, Father Carlo.

GIVE ME 3 MINUTES TO GET READY...

Can I come in?

Surprise!

May I?

Surpri...

How dare you?

Can't you knock?

What are you doing with that wig?

Get out!

Go away!

You're getting filmed!

It's a webcam...

you're into porno!

It's not.

I don't... do the full monty.

- Is that a whip?

- It's an umbrella, you idiot.

In my mother's room?

In front of this holy image?

It's not what you think.

I can explain...

You're a prostitute.

No, I'm not.

You're some prostitute.

I'm not a prostitute.

I don't show anything, I stay dressed.

I'm doing this only

because I need money.

I charge 3 euros a minute

but I don't show anything.

Show nothing? You were naked!

Listen... I do it because,

I have a big problem.

What problem?

What sort of problem?

You walked in this house like a queen,

you took everything.

I have a serious problem.

I can't tell you about it now.

You have to trust me.

Do you?

How can I trust you?

In the past 48 hours,

since you've arrived

every wall in the neighborhood's

been spoilt by tags,

lovers, kids,

mythomaniacs pop up,

crazy guys, married guys,

half married guys!

You want to go "dancing",

we end up in a dealer's joint.

"Good night" and you do porno!

It's not porno!

It is! You're half naked!

What do you call it?

I defended you with my brothers.

They can't imagine

the extent of your slutiness.

Now I've said it!

Stop it! We want to sleep!

This house belongs to a great family:

Father a General, mother a professor...

A dignified home you've profaned

with your perversion.

Really?

You know what, my friend?

I may have profaned

your mother's room,

you profaned my mother's car!

Look at this.

Police camera.

Found the owner with the license plate.

Congratulations,

you're a very modern priest!

Those African girls

were part of my congregation!

- I was trying to...

- To pick them up?

Bullshitter!

Shame on you.

I'm going to smack you.

Take your bags,

stuff everything inside and leave,

understood?

You leave! It's my house!

As long as my father's alive,

it's my house!

You're wrong.

See your lawyer.

He'll explain a few small things.

I will, we'll set things straight.

And the Mascolo family

will kick your...

Say it aloud if you dare!

The Mascolo family's going

to kick your ass!

I told you to look in the computer.

Now she's deleted everything.

You're a whiner!

We've lost time.

Fine...

Wait, Luigi's on the other line.

What, Luigi?

I received a mail from the lawyer

saying we need facts not words!

The faster you find some, the better!

Sir?

we said to turn off phones.

It's take-off.

Can you turn it off, please?

- You have to frame her!

- Not again!

We'll frame her. Fine.

Bea's on the other line, sorry...

What, Bea?

Take a camera.

Follow her, so we can frame her.

She'll screw up sooner or later.

I bet on it!

Bea, I'm following her.

She's going to Piazza Mazzini.

She picked a guy up.

Can you hear me?

They're now

parked in a car and they're undressing.

I'm stunned.

I'm stunned, Bea.

Is it possible that

at 10 a.m. Two people

are... I'll say it... f***ing

in a square in broad daylight!

In front of everyone.

Reality beats fiction,

when I think about

every time I left her home alone...

Who knows who she brought there!

A whole soccer stadium

on poor Mom's bed!

What a whore!

Disgusting.

I don't get it!

I'll call you back.

Listen, a**hole...

- Who are you looking for?

- You a**hole!

You suck as a detective.

I spotted you ages ago.

Do something,

wait there, so we can have it out.

Yes, let's have it out!

Good. I'll wait.

Your brothers saw my mother

as someone she wasn't,

you've done the same with me

since day one.

Let me explain,

so you can set your brain straight.

I don't give a damn

about your house or money, get it?

Something's wrong with your sentence.

You don't give a damn?

Am I wrong or my father sold

our house to your mother?

I can sign papers

and return it tomorrow.

In return I want you

to sign a contract for me...

What contract?

To do something for me,

for one day.

To do what?

Make believe what you're not:

A loving, generous

and welcoming family.

Without prejudice.

You're pathetic with that binocular!

Let's sign the other agreement.

It's shameful blackmail.

What?

There's a white spot on your jacket.

Can you be clearer, please?

They're trying to tell you...

there's... white powder on your jacket.

It's breakfast. Sugar...

Come on Luigi, sign this!

Don't hurry me.

I'm expecting warmth,

affection and joy from you.

As if we were a real family.

Where the f*** does it go?

Screw A in hole B.

Where's hole B?

Should be that one.

Wait a second.

I don't get it, see how it is?

What did I tell you?

Let's call the carpenter...

I have 4 paranoid clients

waiting for me,

and I'm building furniture

kidnapped by a crazy girl...

Listen, please,

we've signed an agreement, okay?

We didn't think!

She didn't give us time.

We had no choice.

Swallow the pill or...

What a b*tch!

Come on. Let's do it

or it's going to be a mess!

That's the one?

- This is screw A.

- Show me.

- Fits?

- It's the one.

See, you faithless man!

With patience

we can get things done.

You're too nervous!

I understand!

Be calm and you can do everything.

Did you build bridges in Africa?

We're talking furniture here!

Can you come a second?

Everyone plays his part!

Don't bust my balls!

Never mind...

We're almost finished,

bring the furniture.

The lines aren't straight!

It's a mess... it'll get pissed off...

So it'll get unpissed!

You should thank us!

Let's not fuss.

You messed up the screws.

Not one in its place.

Hurry! They're here!

It's madness!

- Hurry!

- Coming!

Unbelievable.

I ask you to be affectionate and smile.

- Anything else?

- Let's be friendly!

- Where's your priest garb?

- It's a bit late!

Are they necessary?

You wanted the whole family:

Here it is!

Let's open this door.

- What is it?

- Can we come in?

- Come in.

- What do you mean "come in"?

Help us! We fled!

- They're after us!

- Help us!

Protect us.

From who?

- They're the ones in the photo!

- Which photo?

Explain what's happening...

who are they?

They're after us!

They're downstairs! Help us!

I'll take care of this.

Take care of what?

Don't interfere!

It's crazy!

What did we sign at the lawyer's?

Stay calm, take it easy!

I can handle this!

I can perfectly handle the situation.

I have to change.

The sauce!

I'm ready.

Don't leave me alone.

Do you understand anything?

Good morning!

What a surprise!

I thought it was an intimate lunch,

but the whole family's here!

Pleasure. I'm Elisa Draghi.

This is my assistant, Miss Agnello.

Nice to meet you.

We were so eager to meet you.

I'm Bea, the... sister...

Pleasure.

I'm Luigi, the... brother.

We really insisted,

it was important for us.

They're my niece Eva

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