Mean Girls Page #2

- Is he bothering you?

Jason, why are you such a skeez?

I'm just being friendly.

You were supposed

to call me last night.

Jason. You do not come to a party

at my house with Gretchen

and then scam on some poor, innocent

girl right in front of us three days later.

She's not interested.

Do you wanna have sex with him?

- No, thank you.

- Good. So it's settled.

So you can go shave your back now.

Bye, Jason.

B*tch.

Wait. Sit down.

Seriously, sit down.

Why don't I know you?

I'm new. I just moved here from Africa.

- What?

- I used to be home-schooled.

Wait. What?

- My mom taught me at home...

- No, no.

I know what home-school is.

I'm not retarded.

So you've actually never been

to a real school before?

Shut up.

Shut up.

- I didn't say anything.

- Home-schooled.

- That's really interesting.

- Thanks.

But you're, like, really pretty.

- Thank you.

- So you agree.

- What?

- You think you're really pretty.

- Oh, I don't know...

- Oh, my God, I love your bracelet.

- Where did you get it?

- Oh, my mom made it for me.

- It's adorable.

- Oh, it's so fetch.

- What is "fetch"?

- Oh, it's, like, slang. From England.

So if you're from Africa...

...why are you white?

Oh, my God, Karen, you can't just

ask people why they're white.

Could you give us some privacy

for, like, one second?

Yeah, sure.

What are you doing?

OK, you should just know

that we don't do this a lot,

so this is, like, a really huge deal.

We wanna invite you

to have lunch with us

every day for the rest of the week.

- Oh, it's OK...

- Coolness.

So we'll see you tomorrow.

On Wednesdays, we wear pink.

Oh, my God!

OK, you have to do it, OK?

And then you have to tell me all

the horrible things that Regina says.

Regina seems sweet.

Regina George is not sweet.

She's a scum-sucking road whore!

She ruined my life!

She's fabulous, but she's evil.

- Hey, get out of here!

- Oh, my God, Danny DeVito.

I love your work!

- Why do you hate her?

- What do you mean?

Regina. You seem to really hate her.

Yes. What's your question?

- Well, my question is, why?

- Regina started this rumor

- that Janis was...

- Damian! Shall we not?

Now, look. This isn't

about hating her, OK?

I just think that it would be, like,

a fun little experiment

if you were to hang out with them and

then tell us everything that they say.

- What do we even talk about?

- Hair products.

- Ashton Kutcher.

- Is that a band?

Would you just do it? Please?

OK, fine.

Do you have anything pink?

- Yes.

- No.

By eighth period, I was so happy

to get to math class.

I mean, I'm good at math.

I understand math.

Nothing in math class

could mess me up.

Hey, do you have a pencil

I can borrow?

I've only had one other

crush in my life.

His name was Nfume,

and we were 5.

It didn't work out.

But this one hit me like a big,

yellow school bus.

- Cady, what do you say?

- He was...

So cute.

I mean, A-sub-N equals

N plus one over four.

That's right.

That's good. Very good.

All right, let's talk

about your homework.

Hey. How was your second day?

- Fine.

- Were people nice?

- No.

- Did you make any friends?

Yeah.

Having lunch with The Plastics

was like leaving the actual world

and entering "Girl World".

And Girl World had a lot of rules.

You can't wear a tank top

two days in a row,

and you can only wear your

hair in a ponytail once a week.

So I guess you picked today.

Oh, and we only wear jeans

or track pants on Fridays.

Now, if you break any of these rules,

you can't sit with us at lunch.

I mean, not just you. Like, any of us.

OK, like, if I was wearing jeans today,

I would be sitting over there

with the art freaks.

Oh, and we always vote before we ask

someone to eat lunch with us

because you have to be considerate

of the rest of the group.

Well, I mean, you wouldn't buy a skirt

without asking your friends first

- if it looks good on you.

- I wouldn't?

Right.

Oh, and it's the same with guys.

Like, you may think you like someone,

but you could be wrong.

A hundred and twenty calories and 48

calories from fat. What percent is that?

Forty-eight into 120?

I'm only eating foods with less than

It's 40 percent.

Well, 48 over 120

equals X over 100,

and then you cross-multiply

and get the value of X.

Whatever. I'm getting cheese fries.

So have you seen any guys

that you think are cute yet?

Well, there's this guy

in my calculus class...

- Who is it?

- It's a senior?

- His name's Aaron Samuels.

- No!

Oh, no, you can't like Aaron Samuels.

That's Regina's ex-boyfriend.

They went out for a year.

Yeah, and then she was devastated

when he broke up

with her last summer.

I thought she dumped him

for Shane Oman.

OK, irregardless. Ex-boyfriends

are just off-limits to friends.

I mean, that's just, like,

the rules of feminism.

Don't worry. I'll never tell Regina

what you said.

It'll be our little secret.

We define the sum

of the infinite geometric series...

Even though I wasn't

allowed to like Aaron,

I was still allowed to look at him.

And think about him.

And talk to him.

- Hey, Aar...

- Hey, you're the Africa girl, right?

- Yeah.

- I'm Kevin Gnapoor,

captain of the North Shore Mathletes.

We participate in math challenges

against other high schools in the state,

and we can get twice as much funding

if we've got a girl.

So you should think about joining.

- Oh, you'd be perfect for it.

- Yeah, definitely.

Great, great.

Let me give you my card.

OK, so think it over.

Because we'd like to get jackets.

OK.

Hey!

Get in, loser. We're going shopping.

Regina's like the barbie doll

I never had.

I'd never seen anybody

so glamorous.

- So how do you like North Shore?

- It's good.

I think I'm joining the Mathletes.

- No! No, no.

- No, no.

You cannot do that.

That is social suicide.

Damn, you are so lucky

you have us to guide you.

Being at Old Orchard Mall kind of

reminded me of being home in Africa.

By the watering hole.

When the animals are in heat.

Oh, my God, there's Jason!

Where? Oh, there he is.

- And he's with Taylor Wedell.

- I heard they're going out.

Wait. Jason's not going out

with Taylor.

No. He cannot blow you off like that.

He's such a little skeez.

Give me your phone.

- You're not gonna call him, right?

- Do you think I'm an idiot?

No.

- Wedell on South Boulevard.

- Caller ID.

Not when you connect

from Information.

- Hello?

- Hello.

May I please speak

to Taylor Wedell?

She's not home yet. Who's calling?

Oh, this is Susan from

Planned Parenthood.

I have her test results. If you can have

her give me a call as soon as she can.

It's urgent. Thank you.

She's not going out with anyone.

OK, that was so fetch.

Mom.

Your house is really nice.

I know, right?

Make sure you check out

her mom's boob job.

They're hard as rocks.

I'm home! Hey, Kylie.

Hey.

Hey, hey, hey!

How are my best girlfriends?

Hey, Mrs. George. This is Cady.

Hello, sweetheart.

- Hi.

- Welcome to our home.

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