Mean Girls Page #3

Just want you to know, if you need

anything, don't be shy, OK?

There are no rules in this house.

I'm not like a regular mom.

I'm a cool mom. Right, Regina?

- Please stop talking.

- OK.

I'm gonna make you girls

a "hump day" treat.

This is your room?

It was my parents' room,

but I made them trade me.

Hey, put on 98.8.

Cady, do you even know

who sings this?

- The Spice Girls?

- I love her.

She's like a Martian.

- God, my hips are huge!

- Oh, please. I hate my calves.

At least you guys can wear halters.

I've got man shoulders.

I used to think there

was just fat and skinny.

Apparently, there's a lot of things

that can be wrong on your body.

- My hairline is so weird.

- My pores are huge.

My nail beds suck.

I have really bad breath

in the morning.

Hey, you guys.

Happy hour is from 4 to 6!

Thanks.

Is there alcohol in this?

Oh, God, honey, no. What kind

of mother do you think I am?

Do you want a bit? If you're gonna

drink, I'd rather you do it in the house.

- No, thank you.

- OK.

So, you guys, what is the 411?

What has everybody been up to?

What is the hot gossip?

Tell me everything.

What are you guys listening to?

What's the cool jams?

Mom.

- Could you go fix your hair?

- OK.

You girls keep me young.

Oh, I love you so much.

Oh, my God, I remember this.

- I haven't looked at that in forever.

- Come check it out, Cady.

It's our Burn Book.

See, we cut out girls' pictures

from the yearbook,

and then we wrote comments.

- "Trang Pak is a grotsky little byotch."

- Still true.

- "Dawn Schweitzer is a fat virgin."

- Still half true.

"Amber D'Alessio."

She made out with a hot dog.

"Janis lan, dyke."

- Who is that?

- I think that's that kid Damian.

Yeah. He's almost too gay

to function.

That's funny. Put that in there.

Oh, no. Maybe that was only OK

when Janis said it.

And they have this Burn Book

where they write mean things

- about all the girls in our grade.

- What does it say about me?

- You're not in it.

- Those b*tches.

- Will this minimize my pores?

- No. Cady,

you gotta steal that book.

- No way!

- Oh, come on. We could publish it,

and then everybody would see

what an ax-wound she really is.

- I don't steal.

- That is for your feet.

Cady, there are two kinds

of evil people.

People who do evil stuff,

and people who see evil stuff

being done and don't try to stop it.

Does that mean I'm morally

obligated to burn that lady's outfit?

Oh, my God, that's Ms. Norbury.

I love seeing teachers

outside of school.

It's like seeing a dog

walk on its hind legs.

Hey, guys, what's up?

I didn't know you worked here.

Yeah, moderately priced soaps

are my calling.

- You shopping?

- No, I'm just here with my boyfriend.

Joking. Sometimes older people

make jokes.

My nana takes her wig off

when she's drunk.

Your nana and I have that

in common.

No, actually, I'm just here because

I bartend a couple nights a week

down at P.J. Calamity's.

Cady, I hope you do

join Mathletes, you know,

because we start in a couple weeks

and I would love

to have a girl on the team,

just, you know, so the team

could meet a girl.

- I think I'm gonna do it.

- Great.

You can't join Mathletes.

It's social suicide.

Thanks, Damian.

Well, this has been

sufficiently awkward.

And I'll see you guys tomorrow.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Oh, man, that is bleak.

So when are you gonna

see Regina again?

I can't spy on her anymore.

It's weird.

Come on, she's never gonna find out.

It'll be like our little secret.

- Hello?

- I know your secret.

Oh, God, busted.

Just start apologizing and crying.

No, play it cool.

Secret?

What are you saying about?

Gretchen told me

that you like Aaron Samuels.

I mean, I don't care,

do whatever you want.

But let me just tell you something

about Aaron:

All he cares about is school

and his mom and his friends.

- Is that bad?

- But if you like him...

Whatever. I mean, I could talk

to him for you if you want.

Really? You would do that? I mean,

nothing embarrassing, though, right?

Oh, no, trust me.

I know exactly how to play it.

But wait. Aren't you so mad

at Gretchen for telling me?

- No.

- Because if you are,

you can tell me. It was a really

bitchy thing for her to do.

Yeah, it was pretty bitchy,

but I'm not mad.

I mean, I guess she just

likes the attention.

See, Gretch? I told you

she's not mad at you.

I can't believe you think

I like attention!

OK, love you. See you tomorrow.

I had survived my first

three-way calling attack.

And with Regina's blessing, I started

talking to Aaron more and more.

On October 3rd, he asked me

what day it was.

It's October 3rd.

Two weeks later, we spoke again.

It's raining.

Yeah.

But I wanted things to move faster.

So I followed my instincts.

Hey, I'm totally lost.

Can you help me?

- But I wasn't lost.

- Yeah.

I knew exactly what Ms. Norbury

was talking about.

It's a factorial, so you multiply

each one by N.

Wrong.

Is that the summation?

Yeah, they're the same thing.

Wrong. He was so wrong.

Thanks. I... I get it now.

Lights, please.

OK. See you guys tomorrow.

We're having a Halloween party

at my friend Chris' tonight.

You wanna come?

Yeah, sure.

Great. Here's where it is.

It's a costume party.

People get pretty into it.

OK.

That flier admits one person only,

so don't bring some

other guy with you.

"Grool."

I meant to say "cool"

and then I started to say "great".

Right. Well... grool.

See you tonight.

Hey, Africa. You staying

for the Mathletes meeting?

Yeah, I'll be right back.

OK, I lied. But I had to go home

and work on my costume.

In the regular world, Halloween is

when children dress up in costumes

and beg for candy.

In Girl World, Halloween

is the one night a year

when a girl can dress

like a total slut

and no other girls can

say anything about it.

The hard-core girls just wear lingerie

and some form of animal ears.

Doesn't she look great, honey?

- What are you?

- I'm a mouse.

Unfortunately, no one told

me about the slut rule.

So I showed up like this.

Hey.

Yes! Yes!

Hey.

Why are you dressed so scary?

It's Halloween.

Have you seen Jason?

You know who's looking fine tonight?

Seth Mosakowski.

- OK, you did not just say that.

- What? He's a good kisser.

He's your cousin.

Yeah, but he's my first cousin.

- Right.

- So you have your cousins

and then you have your first cousins,

- then you have your second cousins...

- No, honey.

That's not right, is it?

That is so not right.

- Hey!

- Hey.

You made it.

And you are... a zombie bride.

An "ex-wife".

Love it. Can I get you

something to drink?

- Yeah.

- Be right back.

Thanks.

Karen, stop it.

- Don't, Karen...

- Hey, Seth!

Hey.

Oh, no.

Didn't anybody tell you?

You were supposed

to wear a costume.

Shut up. I need to talk to you.

- You know that girl Cady?

- Yeah, she's cool.

I invited her tonight.

Well, be careful because

she has a huge crush on you.

Really? How do you know?

Rate this script:3.8 / 31 votes