Mean Girls 2 Page #2

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It's the Prada fringe purse.

My dad got it for me Iast month, but...

Last month? Just go!

Stay down there,

and don't ever Iook at me again.

Better yet,

don't even breathe the same air.

Hey. Well, how was it?

I saw a girl become

roadkill in the cafeteria.

Gotta Iove high school.

Speaking of my escape, has my

Carnegie Mellon application arrived?

Hey, you know, I was Iookin' today,

and I saw that the University of Ohio

has a great architectural program.

You could stay close to home,

transform Toledo

into an architectural wonderland.

Dad, what's going on?

I'm applying early decision

at Carnegie Mellon.

What do you wanna go there for, huh?

They don't even have a good mascot.

I mean, a Scottish terrier.

Who's gonna be intimidated by that?

PIus, you...

You qualify for in-state tuition here.

Oh, my God.

What happened to my tuition?!

Jo... Look, I'm sorry.

I kept hoping that

the market would rebound,

but my investments are in the tank,

and now NASCAR sponsors

have cut spending...

Then make them un-cut spending!

Mom went to Carnegie Mellon,

I... I have to go there.

- She Ioved it!

- I know, I know.

I'm sorry I Iet you down.

I know you're disappointed,

Jo, and that's OK.

Honey, you don't always

have to be so strong.

Strong? I was trying not to panic.

But when you've moved

as much as I have,

you kinda get attached to the idea

of settling down in one place

for four years.

In this case, my mother's alma mater.

My dad and I have been

on our own for a long time.

My mom died before I was one.

So life wasn 't exactly your typical

warm and fuzzy greeting card.

But I wasn 't the only one

in my own personal hell.

Abby was hoping

that her swollen, black ankle

might be enough for Mandi to forget

about her dog's infamous upchuck.

And it might have been...

if not for the two's long history.

Jealousy is a funny thing.

They had lived across

from each other for years.

And while Mandi

seemingly had everything...

...Abby had more.

She had two parents

who went a little overboard

for their darling Abby.

First, there was the infamous

moon bounce war at age five.

Mandi's was cool,

but Abby's was three stories high.

Yay!

Then, the French Revolution

Halloween meltdown at age 1 1.

Mandi flaunted her

store-bought peasant costume,

until she spotted Abby's

utterly perfect,

hand-stitched,

Marie Antoinette royal gown.

And finally, the great

bra incident of junior high.

- Hi, Mandi.

- Hi.

Well, that had more to do with nature.

Still, Mandi might have

found someone else to hate,

if Abby hadn 't done the unthinkable.

Mandi, oh, my God! Someone

has a better parking space than us.

Hey, babe, who snagged

the plush disabled spot?

I guess you're number two now.

Two? Two?

Mandi hated being number two.

- This is war.

- Oh, God.

- EIIiot, we need a Iittle favor.

- Sure.

Chastity.

- Hey.

- Anything.

- You're on the Web team, right?

- Of course.

Trained in Java and C++.

I also have my Math CIub Card,

Hacker Membership, Journalist Pass,

and I do a Iittle salsa

for the Iadies.

How can I be of service?

- Sorry.

- Oh, gross!

Abby Scabby's face Iooks as red and

p*ssy as it did in seventh grade.

Zit cream much?

Mandi was creative,

ruthless, unrelenting.

- I'd seen her kind before.

- Need a napkin?

And this was just the beginning.

Brutal.

You know, most girls

would have Iaughed,

texted back or posted a status update.

Do I Iook Iike most girls?

Oh, God.

What a paint job!

Need another one?

Hey, Abby, Iet me

give you a ride home.

I don't bite.

- Nice house.

- Thanks.

Abby? Honey, what's wrong?

- May I help you?

- Oh, hi.

I gave Abby a ride home from school,

and she dropped this.

What happened to Abby's car?

Did she have an accident?

She had an accident, didn't she?

Was she hurt?

No, it wasn't an accident.

It was just some girls at school.

Again? I knew we should

have sent her to St. Mary's.

Right. Well, tell Abby,

Jo said goodbye.

She's a wreck.

Our poor baby, she keeps saying

that everybody hates her.

I'II buy her some new clothes,

a week at a spa.

Money's not gonna fix this, Sidney.

She's sobbing her eyes out,

and I don't know what to do.

If only she had some friends.

Listen, Jo, she's devastated.

But it's her senior year,

and I want it to be perfect.

I mean, just Iook at that face.

She needs you. We need you.

And we're willing to pay.

- What?

- For you to be her friend.

Two, three, 4,000 to get you started.

- You're crazy.

- Wait, please.

I have more money

than I know what to do with.

And if I can't buy my daughter's

happiness, then what is it worth?

- You can't buy friends.

- OK. Don't call it a friend.

Call it her bodyguard,

guardian angel, fairy god-sister.

There must be something you want.

Some dream I can help come true.

A new car? A trip to Europe? College?

College.

Today's economy,

it's rough out there.

You need money for college,

and it isn't cheap.

- Let me pay for yours.

- Forget it.

Look, just try it out

for 30 days, risk-free.

I guarantee you'II be happy you did.

And just for trying, I'II buy your

college books for freshman year,

which are yours to keep, no questions

asked, as my Iittle gift to you.

Sidney was pretty convincing,

and I should have realized why.

He was the king of infomercials.

He could sell anything

from meat juicers to cat toilets

to my college tuition.

I knew it was crazy.

But Abby'd have a good senior year,

and I'd get my dream

of Carnegie Mellon University.

I figured, who would it hurt?

Four hundred people already viewed it.

That computer geek

Iived up to his promise.

Which is Iike a rarity in Iife,

that anyone comes through.

Especially fathers and doctors.

Not my Iegs, Chastity, my face.

Getting all red and splotchy.

- What?

- You're never gonna believe this.

What do you mean?

Someone posted a Iink

on your page to another video.

Look, it's that new girl, Jo.

She totally bailed Abby out.

Who is this girl?

Some bad-ass biker chick?

There's tons of comments.

- AII the guys think she's hot.

- OK.

So she's hot.

She's well-connected.

I mean, she's pretty much one of us.

So we'II just need

to make it very clear that,

from here on out, she's only

nice to the people that we Iike.

Agreed?

Mandi, can I get a quote

from you on the school play,

or the Iacrosse team, or just,

Iike, anything, really?

God, I am not up for

the paparazzi this morning.

It's so embarrassing

how much they Iove me.

I'm Mandi, with an "i."

And you're Jo, right?

- That's me.

- So, Jo, since you're new here,

I thought we'd help you out,

Iet you know who to hang out with.

- Us.

- The real welcoming committee

had arrived.

- And who not to.

- Did I say "welcoming?"

Wow. Thanks.

But I think I can

figure that out on my own.

Really? Well, I... I haven't

been impressed so far.

- Excuse me?

- But I'm a benevolent dictator,

so why don't we discuss over a non-fat,

no-sugar raspberry Frappuccino

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