Meatballs Page #2

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Crockett, take it.

No, no, Trip. I don't want it.

No six-year-olds.

Oh, come on, Trip,

I don't wanna...

That's my man. Good luck.

Put the comic book away,

and get your shirt.

Take the shirt by the shoulders.

One, fold sleevie. Two, fold sleevie.

- Presto. It's done.

- How's this?

- How's this, Mike?

- That's not bad.

Listen, why don't we just have a nap,

and we'll come back later

and try it, okay?

- No, forget it.

- No.

Come on, guys.

Do I have to count to three?

One, two... Two's good enough.

Come on, Steve.

Hey, what's that?

It's Ernie, my pet frog. He's a jumper.

- How come he doesn't hop?

- He's tired, I guess.

- No, he's dead.

- No, he's sleeping.

For sure, he's dead.

Mister, could you help me

wake up my frog?

He looks tired. Why don't we just

let him sleep a little longer, okay?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Take that nap now, all right? And I'II...

I'll take care of the frog.

All right,

this is the 14-year-old girls' cabin.

They've got the drive

and the equipment,

- but they don't have the experience.

- Right.

They'd better not get it from you guys.

Not this summer, anyway, huh?

Roxanne.

Just the person I wanted to see.

Later, Tripper. Say, Christmas?

A.L., that's your cabin.

You got the jailbait. Watch them.

- Women.

- Thanks.

See you later.

Roxanne, I want you to know

that I'm very deeply hurt,

and I mean that sincerely.

Glad to hear it. Excuse me.

Hi, Larry.

Hi, Spaz.

Spaz!

Hey, guess what, guys?

Liza finally got her period.

- Liza.

- Liza.

- You don't have to advertise it.

- But they gotta know.

Hey, Liza you better watch it,

'cause now you can get pregnant.

Yeah, I heard about this girl,

and she got pregnant

without doing it with anyone.

What do you mean?

You can't get pregnant without doing it.

No, stupid.

She didn't do it, she almost did it.

My God.

- Hi, guys. I got your cabin this week.

- Hi, A.L.

Hey.

- Go on. Ask her, ask A.L.

- Ask me what?

A.L., can a girl get pregnant

if she almost does it with a guy?

Almost? I don't think so, no.

That's a relief.

Okay, Spazalopolous, you're

in here with Phil and the 12-year-olds.

This here is Rudy.

- Hi, Rudy.

- Hey, Rudy. How's it going?

Gotta watch out for this guy,

he's done time for car theft.

Oh, yeah? My kind of guy there, Rudy.

He could be a bad influence

on the other children.

Watch it. We'll see you guys at dinner.

- Okay.

- Watch out for the ear, Rudy. Look out!

See you later, Spaz.

- Bye-bye, guys.

- Bye, Spaz.

Not bad. Over the head.

Hi, guys. I'm Spaz.

I'm your CIT this week.

I wanna introduce you...

- Hey, look, it's Spaz!

- It's Spaz!

I wanna introduce you to a new guy

in the cabin, that...

Hey, bozo, this is my bunk, so shove off.

Settle down. Settle down, okay.

Hey, come on, guys. Settle down.

Okay, let's see, everything's put away.

That's good.

Everybody has a bunk. That's good.

Everybody's settled in. That's good.

And everybody's been deloused

and fingerprinted. That's good.

Phil, look, it's the first day of camp,

and we're bored already.

What are we gonna do, huh?

Relax, Peter, relax.

Okay, you guys, after lunch

we got a big game with cabin B-11,

and I really wanna win it, okay?

So, what do you say?

- We're gonna kill them!

- We're gonna kill them!

Gonna what?

- We're gonna kill them!

- We're gonna kill them!

I can't hear you.

- We're gonna kill them!

- We're gonna kill them!

We're gonna kill them!

Attention all campers, afternoon

swim schedule is as follows:

Advanced dolphins

will report to the dock

for survival swimming and IQ testing.

All senior silverfish,

meet on the beach for nude sunbathing.

Junior salmon, trout and herring,

report to the nearest delicatessen,

and six-year-old tadpoles,

report to the swamp.

And all lobsters, get out of here,

you're a menace!

- David says that it's very...

- Hi, girls.

I'm really looking forward

to working with all of you this summer.

I just hope there's enough of me

to go around.

Lance, please. We're eating.

Oh, crap!

Why do I have to

stack the dishes again?

I don't have the energy. I'm weak.

I'm weak from hunger.

Fink. Less flak, more stack.

Gossip! Gossip! We want gossip!

Gossip! Gossip! We want gossip!

Gossip! Gossip! We want gossip!

Okay. Okay, we have a gossip update.

This is the news.

It seems as though

last summer's hottest couple have split.

I can't tell you their names,

but her initials are A.L.,

and he's the hottest CIT on wheels.

We all know they spent

most of last summer in the bushes,

but the question is,

will true love bloom again?

And speaking of CITs,

there's a certain girl named Wendy

who's giving all the guys wet dreams.

Okay, Jody, thank you very much.

Everybody,

when you're finished stacking,

all the cabins

can go to their other activities.

Okay, you guys, let's play ball, okay?

Let's go!

Let's move. We gotta get back

to the cabin for rest period.

If I'd wanted to rest,

I would have stayed in Cleveland.

You and Trip are playing defense.

Get your shirts off.

Hey, all right! What do you say?

We're defense, buddy.

Okay, you guys. Come on, let's go. We

can win this game, all right. Come on.

Hardware, you're doomed.

Come on, you guys.

Come on. Come on, people.

Down here. Come on.

Come on, you guys, let's kill them.

Come on, Rudy,

get it back the other way.

Yeah!

Do we have to have

this guy on our team?

Do we gotta have Gerner on our team?

He's totally useless.

- He sucks!

- He's terrible.

I know, I know. Okay, come on,

you guys. Let's regroup...

Yeah, could I have some fries, please?

Hey, Gerner. How's it going?

This is the best damn food

in the whole Two Pines area.

I'm not surprised you found this place.

I had you pegged for a gourmet

first time I met you.

You know, that's a smart move,

bringing a suitcase.

You don't wanna be leaving

a lot of valuable socks

and underwear around camp,

where people can rustle around in them

when you're out on the town.

Thank you.

You like ketchup?

I'm going away.

You going to Vegas?

If you're going to Vegas, man,

I would be up for it,

because I love that town.

I'm a party guy, I love that town.

I don't think they want me around.

What, are you talking about

the soccer-heads back there?

Well, that's life in the fast-paced,

slam-bang, live-on-the-razor's edge,

laugh-in-the-face-of-death world

of junior league soccer.

I'm serious. I never played

the game before. I tried to tell them.

What? You tried to tell...

And they...

Who was it? I'll get them.

I'll get them with this Swiss Army knife.

The Swiss trained me to kill,

and I will do it.

I will grab these guys by the neck,

take the toothpick,

and stick it right in between their teeth.

And then I'll slap them around the head

a couple of times.

They'll go out for just a couple

of seconds, they'll be unconscious,

and while they're doing that,

I'll go for the corkscrew.

And I'll grab them,

and I'll take that corkscrew,

and I will stick it right into the voice box.

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