Meatballs Page #6

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- Yeah.

- Yeah, well...

No, I heard it happened in a park.

Oh, I heard it,

but the guy was missing a foot.

How could the guy have

a hook on his foot?

- Now, that was nice, Tripper.

- Thank you.

Thank you, very much.

I think I am lying

on some sort of animal,

like a porcupine.

- Just a broken beer bottle.

- Oh.

I was wondering

what you were yelling about.

- Where are you going?

- I'm going swimming.

- The water's great! Come on in.

- No!

You're not supposed to swim

for half an hour

after close physical contact,

- you get bad cramps.

- Come on, chicken, it's not so cold.

- No, I know you're lying.

- Come on.

All right.

- It's not so bad, is it?

- Worse than I ever imagined!

Come here, there's a real cold spot.

I've heard of the buddy system,

but this is ridiculous.

Tripper, you really talk too much.

Well, I was just wondering if these

were shark-infested waters.

Shut up.

- Hey, there is a shark down there.

- My God, there is.

I think we'd better go back

to my sleeping bag

before something goes wrong.

What happened? Where were you?

- I was with Jackie in the woods.

- In the woods?

- Right where you want her.

- Yes.

Oh, Spaz! You old make-out master!

How far did you get?

Oh, we just went down to Lookout Point,

and then we got cold...

No, no, no, no! How did you make out?

Well, you know, we just kind of talked.

You had her in the woods,

and you just talked?

- No, no, well...

- You didn't do anything.

- We were sort of sitting...

- You didn't do anything!

I...

- I held her hand when we walked home.

- Held her hand?

Spaz, you're on your way!

- That's great!

- Yeah? Yeah?

- Held her hand?

- Yeah.

- In the woods?

- Yeah.

- And it was dark?

- Yeah.

Wow!

- Let's celebrate.

- Huh? Right.

Here, help yourself.

- I think I'll have Cheezies.

- The Cheezies?

Yeah. I'll have Cheezies, too.

- Bobby?

- Oh, no.

Oh, no, don't ever call me Bobby.

All right?

I mean, my grandmother

calls me Bobby. I hate it.

So, I like it when you call me Crockett.

- Okay.

- All right?

- Wanna hear me say it?

- Yeah, okay.

Okay. Crockett.

Crockett.

Crockett.

- Going in. Yes, you are.

- No, no, no, no!

Looking good. All right!

Important announcement!

Some hunters have been seen

in the woods near Piney Ridge Trail,

and the Fish and Game Commission

has raised

the legal kill limit on campers to three!

So, if you're hiking today, please wear

something bright, and keep low.

Good luck.

What's the matter with you?

You're pacing like an expectant father

with the clap.

- The Olympiad's tomorrow.

- So?

- I wanna do well.

- You wanna do well?

Bet every dime you got

on Camp Mohawk.

I don't wanna mess up again.

Well, let's see what you're entered in.

Gerner, Gerner, Gerner.

The potato race.

Damn it, don't they know

you're just a kid?

Two years ago,

a boy fell on a potato, mashed himself.

Let's see what else you're in. Egg toss!

Oh, no.

Probably, the most punishing

of all food-related sports.

- I'm good at that one.

- Sure, you got the build for it.

Oh, don't worry.

You won't screw up tomorrow,

no worse than anybody else, anyway.

Are you gonna go and see Roxanne

after Morty's rally?

Could be.

After the way she treated me

on the overnight,

I'm a little afraid to be alone with her,

and I think you know what I mean.

I think you like her.

Really. Admit it.

You really do like her, don't you?

Yes, you do. Come on, admit it.

You like her.

Ah, you like her. You won't admit it.

You pig!

Hi. I'm Morty Melnick.

- Hi, Mickey!

- Hi, Mickey!

And we at Camp North Star,

would like to welcome

our Camp Mohawk competitors...

- Camp North Star sucks!

- Camp North Star sucks!

Let me at 'em, let me at 'em,

let me at 'em!

Quiet down, quiet down.

To our annual two-day Olympiad.

So, let the games begin!

Uh-oh.

You got any last-minute advice, Trip?

Yeah, try to jump very, very high.

Hey, yeah. Thanks.

Good luck.

Well, we're getting creamed

all over the place.

I'm your guy.

- Come on, jump!

- Over!

Hey, are you okay?

Get into it! Come on, do it!

Just let me know

when you've had enough, all right?

You're out!

- All right!

- Come on, Jackie!

Come on!

Go, go, go!

- Watch out, Jackie!

- No, don't!

Oh, my God!

She's hurt. Hey, get the stretcher

from the infirmary.

I think her leg's broken.

Hey, gang, come on. Look it, just 'cause

we're losing, doesn't mean it's all over.

Cut the crap, Morty.

I mean, the Mohawks have beaten us

the last 12 years,

they're gonna beat us again.

That's just the attitude

we don't need, Phil.

Sure. Mohawk has beaten us

Sure, they're terrific athletes.

They've got the best equipment

that money can buy.

Hell, every team they're sending over

here has their own personal masseuse.

Not masseur, masseuse.

But it doesn't matter.

Do you know that every Mohawk

competitor has an electrocardiogram,

blood and urine tests every 48 hours,

to see if there's any change

in his physical condition?

Do you know that they use the most

sophisticated training methods

from the Soviet Union,

East and West Germany,

and the newest Olympic power,

Trinidad and Tobago?

But it doesn't matter.

It just doesn't matter!

It just doesn't matter!

I tell you, it just doesn't matter!

It just doesn't matter!

It just doesn't matter!

- It just doesn't matter!

- It just doesn't matter!

- It just doesn't matter!

- It just doesn't matter!

And even...

And even if we win, if we win!

Even if we win,

even if we play so far over our heads

that our noses bleed

for a week to ten days,

even if God in heaven above

comes down and points his hand

at our side of the field,

even if every man, woman, and child

held hands together

and prayed for us to win,

it just wouldn't matter,

because all the really good-Iooking girls

would still go out

with the guys from Mohawk,

'cause they got all the money!

It just doesn't matter

if we win or we lose!

It just doesn't matter.

- It just doesn't matter!

- It just doesn't matter!

- It just doesn't matter!

- It just doesn't matter!

Starters, take your mark.

- Come on!

- Come on!

Okay, you guys. We got two outs,

it's the bottom of the ninth.

Carla is our winning run

on second base.

What do you think we ought to do, Trip?

Well, Jody, I don't wanna put

any more pressure on you

than is absolutely necessary,

but there is a scout here today from

the New York Yankees organization,

and if my ball club could win,

well, I would get a chance

to coach at the professional level.

Seriously, Jody. You see that girl

out there with the big b*obs?

- Hit the ball to her, she can't catch.

- No sweat.

- All right. Well, let's go.

- Come on, Jody.

All right, Jody!

Double time, double time!

Come on, Wheels!

Go!

God, you're a pitstink.

Watch it, watch it.

One, two, three!

How could they do this to me?

I can't stack. I can't even walk.

Come off it, Spaz. You can so.

I've seen you walk.

Anyway, you can do anything

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