Medal of Victory Page #3

- Listen, Grady, I cannot,

- absolutely cannot get involved in this.

- Why not?

You're here.

You're healthy.

Take the f***ing card, Floyd!

- I thought you had no one in town.

- I don't.

Well, swallow your bacon, Ted.

There's been a break in.

What?

Jesus Christ!

That's it, we're ruined.

Ruined!

Deep breaths, Ted.

I've got good news, too.

I found a medal of victory

winner right here in Townville

and he's undecided.

A medal of victory winner.

Well, keep him happy.

I'll be out in a minute.

That is why,

if elected your mayor...

No. That is why,

when elected your mayor...

yes?

Thievery? Why,

you have nothing to steal.

I think you staged that

to frame me.

And why would I want

to frame an opponent

who is five points

behind me in the polls?

Because I just pulled ahead.

Well, when you lose on Tuesday,

I am going to cram

my winning headline

right up your

gout-stained a**hole.

I've got it, and it's good.

Good, good.

How old is she?

No, no, no, no.

Don't tell me.

Today I need a surprise.

See you in 10 minutes.

Look here, if I don't arrange

for mayor crump

to shake hands with the Townville

medal of victory winner,

well, sir, it'll be my black

ass bent over backwards.

We have to go.

Oh, we'd love to.

When?

Oh, he's on his way right now.

- Que suerto.

- I can't...

Morning. I'm Wendi Mann,

I work with Harry Maddox,

the next mayor of...

Oh, my!

Is that a medal of victory?

- Excuse me. -Harry is going

to love to meet you.

He's on his way here right now.

- Fantastic.

- I can't even vote here.

Oh!

Hello, Wendi.

Grady here.

Might wanna wrap

things up in there.

- Oh, Mcfloyd.

- There's a crowd out here.

Listen, you're not

gonna be out there

when I get out, are you?

Actually, I was thinking

of just leaving town.

Oh, what a pity.

Don't worry. You never

have to see me again.

- Oh, I'm not worried.

- -Me neither.

Well, great, I'm glad we agree.

- Freeze, perpetrator!

Grady?

What the f*** happened?

I got her, sheriff.

Got her?

Or shot her?

Grady's been shot.

Yeah, won't you supposed

to call her or something?

Sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t!

Floyd!

What about the mayor?

What...

What's happening?

Mr. mayor, we've apprehended

a suspect.

Fine work, sheriff.

Let's make it official.

So there you are.

Come on, hurry up!

We haven't got all day.

Officer!

A**hole!

You're supposed to warn me

before someone comes

- and blows my f***ing head off.

- Look at me,

this is all just a big mistake,

- she's a journalist. -There's

no mistake, sergeant.

With my own eyes

I witnessed her crimes.

- Now, come on, Grady! -No, no!

Not until you f***ing decide...

- you know I'm up

for a promotion.

How do, everybody? Thank you

so much for coming down.

- Our esteemed sheriff here...

- Mayor crump...

If it true that the city

is in a financial free-fall?

Free-fall?

Ladies and gentlemen,

under my administration,

our town is

at its celestial zenith.

Skip, how's things?

Unemployed.

And my wife left me

because I'm unemployed.

- I... I'm... -you know you

look like a bloated hog.

Hey! You watch your mouth!

Hey!

Where in god's name

did he stash that movie?

Taped to the bottom

of his desk drawer.

- Naughty, naughty Ted.

- Mm-hmm.

I just needed some space,

all right?

Where was he really?

Who knows?

Who cares?

Look, I f***ing loved you,

you jerk.

- Sergeant, be quick!

- Mcmasters!

- Over here! Sergeant!

- How did you make the arrest?

- Over here!

- -Back!

- Who fired the gun?

- Mcmasters, who fired the shot?

Sergeant, think quick!

Break it up.

This man won

the medal of victory.

Let go! Move!

Floyd, get me my bag.

Get the bag, Floyd!

Congratulations, boy.

Just smile, I'll do the shaking.

We were dead in the water,

dead in the water!

And then that man right here

charged the enemy line.

Harry Maddox, running for mayor.

Don't fall for his tricks, boy,

he'd steal that medal

right off your chest.

Son, can you trust a man

who has a 70-year-old mistress?

- Grab him!

- Give me that, you goof.

He stole that from my office.

Welcome home, sergeant.

Good morning.

Good morning. My name is

sergeant Floyd Mcmasters

and I called earlier about one

of your inmates, Grady walls.

Uh, yes, she is here,

and her bail is set at $10,000.

$10,000?

Yes.

Are you family or spouse?

Neither.

Thank you.

Uh, regarding your visit,

she quotes,

"take that lying degenerate

scumbag back to Guam."

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

$10,000.

Jesus.

F*** her.

We got work to do.

Right.

Car's this way.

Yeah, that pukey piece of sh*t?

I'm not setting foot inside

that car, neither are you.

What are you talking about?

That medal.

It's our ticket outta here.

Aw, hell no!

We go to the car...

And then what, genius?

We gonna hitchhike 900 miles

till we run outta gas?

- We'll figure it out.

- Yeah, that we're broke.

We're not staying here, Stu.

Look, these two f***-knobs

need a hero.

To pose with.

And we need cash.

What?

Sell my endorsement?

Hel, yeah.

I'm not endorsing

either of those two runts.

Especially Maddox.

The man's an unruly sociopath.

Okay. And you don't

wanna take his money?

No, I don't wanna

take a dime from him, ever.

In fact, if I never see

his ugly f***ing

pickle face again,

it'll be too soon.

Listen, I'm not rotting

in some fort sill sh*t hole

because you can't face reality.

Face reality?

It's not my medal.

Beep, beep, motherfuckers.

Need a lift?

Gentlemen! Gentlemen, so

glad you could make it.

- Hungry?

- Ravenous.

Welcome Mcmasters,

we're proud to have

a true American hero

in our midst,

aren't we folks?

- Hoorah!

- Hoo-ah!

Sorry about the mess here.

Normally we spend our days

providing people

with the right loans.

Cars, houses.

We're the currency

of contentment.

Clean up your f***ing desk!

Damn!

Where's the jam?

- Jam?

- For their toast, idiot.

When I called, I specifically...

Oh, just forget about it.

I see you've added

some wings to that waist.

Trim up!

I always tell them,

the only number for me

is 36-24-36.

Harry, isn't it?

How can we help you?

Where you from, Mcmasters?

Here.

What street?

West boulevard.

West boulevard.

On the east side?

In any event, welcome back.

Tell me, Floyd, who are you

voting for this election day?

I think I'll be sitting

this one out, actually.

I don't blame you.

You look like a bright guy.

I get that you're a man

who needs some hard evidence

before he goes in

and pulls a lever.

Gentlemen, under

great risk to himself,

one of my operatives

took this video

at a voting registration office

on the north side of town.

- Well, hello.

- Good afternoon.

Hi, come on in.

So, it's 50 bucks for every

family member of voting age.

So write their names down here.

30 seconds.

No! Who are you voting for

on Tuesday?

I'm voting crump.

Good man.

Have a good afternoon.

Good work. I second that.

Things are goings

exactly as I planned.

You know who I am!

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