Meet My Valentine

1

( waves crashing )

Woman:

Mr. Bishop?

Mr. Bishop, we really

need you to stay still.

Okay.

( machine humming )

( humming stops )

- Okay.

-( girl giggling )

Girl:

This is gonna be good.

Phoebe,

Daddys trying to rest.

( giggles )

Thats it.

Ive had all

I can stands,

and I cant stands

no more!

( Phoebe laughs )

Daddy, put me down!

You want to wrassle

with "King Crazy Hair,"

this is what you get!

Hah!

Whats "wrassling"?

Whats wrassling?

This is wrassling!

Daddy!

Im dizzy!

( sighs )

Me, too.

Hey, I have

a speech tonight.

You want to come

pick out my tie?

Yeah.

Probably a good idea

to wait for the room

to stop spinning, right?

- Uh-huh.

- ( chuckles )

Phoebe picked this

out for me,

and I managed

to tie it myself.

Trash is full.

What?

Can you take out

the trash?

But I just

finished getting--

Dressed, and you

look great as usual,

and I am late.

As usual.

Yeah. Great.

Were on the same page.

Uh, only 10 more years

till Phoebe goes

to college.

We can do this,

right? Bye.

( sighs )

Bishop:

Its not the artists job

to reflect nature.

The camera on my iPhone

can do that.

The artists job

is to take nature

and wrap it

in a beautiful little bow

and present it in a way

that even my agent

can understand.

( laughter )

That might have

hurt his feelings

if he were

listening to anything

Im saying right now.

You are all

blank canvases

sitting in front

of blank canvases,

and what could be

more exciting than that?

Creation itself

is in your hands.

Every stroke counts.

Thank you all very much,

and keep painting.

( applause )

Coming through.

- ( ringing )

- Ah, fiddlesticks.

- What is it?

- Can you get the...?

- Man:
Oh, jeez.

- ( ringing )

- ( phone beeps )

- Hello?

Gracie!

Uh, uh-huh...?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Im sorry.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, Ive got

Michael manning your pot.

( winces )

- Ow. Ooh.

- Here.

But listen.

Hey, do you think

you could

find it in your heart

to come in?

( scoffs )

Dinner was

supposed to be 13--

okay,

now 14 minutes ago,

and we are still

on hors doeuvres.

You are ruining

my sons graduation.

Youre ruining it!

( timer beeping )

Gotta go.

Well, at least

the clients happy.

Thats whats important.

( moans )

Listen, are you gonna

be okay here for a second?

Im gonna go

talk to her.

- Im good.

- Okay.

Oh.

You know, she was

at the lecture.

Was she?

Are you

all right, Tom?

Im fine.

Because as much

as I appreciate these checks

from the college gigs,

Im still waiting for--

Youll get it

when its finished

and not

a second sooner.

Could you give me a hint?

Is it 80% there?

( sighs )

Well, youre

getting warm.

Uh...

are you gonna stay

for dessert?

Im a happily

married man.

Heh.

Theres no such thing

as a happily married man.

( sizzling )

Phoebe:
Uncle Mac,

youre here!

Hes always here.

Go have a seat,

cause Im about

to rock your world.

( Phoebe giggles )

Howd he convince you

to let him touch

the stove?

He wanted to pull

his weight.

Maybe he can

keep pulling it

all the way to

a new apartment.

Val, you know I would

move out if I could,

but theres nothing.

Theres

literally nothing

thats available.

Oh... ah.

Theres a lot of lies

on the Internet, Val.

- Im gonna get her juice.

- Val:
Mm-hmm.

Need you to show me

how to do that map

thing on my phone.

Why?

Im going

to Century City

to look at that

restaurant...?

The one that Michael

wanted me to see.

Thought we talked

about this already.

Im just gonna look.

She hardly sees you

as it is.

Fine. You have

the GPS thingy

in your car?

No, cause I

have my phone.

The last time you used

the map on your phone,

you got a call,

and you ended up

in Temecula.

Thats good.

Im taking that

for my act.

Okay. Put the GPS

in my car.

Do you know

how to use it?

I will figure it out.

I will program it for you.

As a matter of fact,

I will draw you a map

just as a backup.

Mwah!

Its called "helping,"

Val, not "controlling."

- Mm-hmm.

- What happened

to your hand?

Nothing.

Its fine, Tom.

- Bye, Mommy!

- Bye, baby!

( dripping )

It is

the perfect spot, Val.

The kitchen

hardly needs any work.

I mean, it is--

it is ready to go.

- ( drips )

- Just a leak.

Easy fix.

Duct tape.

Oh, Michael...

Okay, uh,

and yesterday.

Remember yesterday when

we were walking through

the seventh level of hell?

- You remember that?

- ( laughs )

Were better than that.

Youre better than

just being a caterer.

Every great chef, right,

needs her own restaurant.

Look! A chandelier!

Tom and I

had an agreement.

It was

my decision, too.

I know how much

being a mom means to you,

but I also see your eyes

when youre working.

- You love it.

- ( laughs )

You do.

Val, look,

I believe in you.

( sighs )

I want to be

your partner.

Lets show the world.

Lets-- lets show

your daughter what we can do!

Yeah?

- All right!

- ( groans )

( cork pops )

( laughs )

Here it comes.

To the queen

of the kitchen.

Thank you. Cheers.

Cheers, my friend.

( laughs )

So hows Tom feeling

about all this?

I havent

told him yet.

Because he

wouldnt understand.

All right.

Well, you know,

that sounds...

really bad.

This really sucks.

( chuckles )

Val.

When did you know

things were starting

to be a little bit...

between you and Jake?

Oh.

Well,

when his first mistress

got into a fight

with his second mistress

at my daughters

christening.

Oh, yeah,

good times. Mm.

Hm.

What is going on

with you?

- Nothing, nothing.

- What?

No, its just, um,

things have

been a little bit

cold lately, and...

Do you think

its possible to still

be in love with someone,

but fall--

Fall out of like?

Yes. Its like,

do I love my husband?

Hes my husband,

but sometimes hes--

Oh, yeah. I know.

But men suck.

- Hi, girls!

- Hey.

- Hi!

- Hey, munchkin.

Hanson Carters new

music video comes on

in five minutes.

- Yeah.

- Hanson Carter!

Its gonna be

totally awesome.

You want to go upstairs

and watch it?

- Yes.

- Yes!

Okay. Okay.

The babysitters

gonna be here soon.

Wow.

Just wow.

That was-- Ive

been watching you

for 15 minutes, Tom.

You should

sell tickets.

This is--

its like

watching someone

tend a Buddhist garden.

You are a genius.

Is it 5:
00 already?

People say I dont

do anything all day.

- Ladies?

- Brynn:
Oh, my stars!

Is that

the Tom Bishop?

I thought you did

paid appearances now,

big shot.

Yeah, yeah.

Hi, Brynn.

I got these for you.

Which is a joke

I thought would be funnier.

Tom:

You guys ready to go?

Hes way funnier

onstage.

Well, that remains

to be seen.

I mean, I have

40 laughs. Brynn, 40--

Im managing

expectations.

Very smooth.

-40 laughs.

- Brynn:
Please tell me they

serve alcohol at this place.

Val:

Well, they better.

Ooh.

Youre going in

on the restaurant,

arent you?

I wanted to talk

to you about that.

I think it would be

a great opportunity

for us--

for all of us.

Well, I couldnt

have talked you

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